When The House Goes Up In Flames
by by the factory wall
Summary: Bella wakes up after cliff diving, only to discover that she hasn't been saved by anyone intent on saving her. She can only hope that Edward is on his way...
1. Pain

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer alone. I just wanted to play around a bit.

**Summary:** During _New Moon_, Bella wakes up after jumping off the cliff, but she wasn't saved by Jacob. All she can hope for is that Edward isn't far off...

**Author's Note:** I haven't written any fanfiction in two+ years, so this is a bit rusty, and to be frank... bad. It's also unbeta'd, which contributes to the bad. However, if, by some miracle, you like it just be warned that, due to laziness/having a life, I won't be able to update every day.  
Also, the title is a line in "Michael Myers Resplendent" by The Mountain Goats.

**Another author's note, from about a month later:** To anyone just beginning this story now, I should warn you that it gets really, really angst-ridden and kind of sad. It's not without its happy bits, but if you're not willing to read a bit of an emotional roller coaster, then I suggest you stop here.

* * *

**When the House Goes Up in Flames**

**Chapter One – Pain**

Bella remembered the exhilaration, followed by the panic. Each breath she took scraped against her throat. Her clothes were soaked and muddy and cold, and they clung to her half-frozen skin. Everything around her was cold and damp and hard. She couldn't open her eyes. Slowly, the reasons she had jumped seeped into her consciousness, like color to a developing photograph. _Edward._

Thinking the name woke her with a gasp. _I should be dead_. There were rocks under her head. _I drowned_. Her chest ached, racked not only by her recent diving expedition but the sudden emptiness caused by months of pain. _I'm dead_. She closed her eyes tight. _I shouldn't feel this. I'm dead_. But there was damp earth beneath her, and weak light was filtered through her eyelids. Giving up, she opened her eyes again and took in her surroundings. Her very green surroundings. The trees, the ground, even the light was the same shade of green as it fragmented in the treetops.

One arm at a time, she lifted herself up. A shock shot through her right arm and it collapsed beneath her.

From just behind her, Bella heard a chuckle, nearly muted, but a chuckle nonetheless. Closer to a snigger. It was venomous, and came from a cold, rock-hard hand that suddenly snaked its way across her throat, lifting her off the ground. If not for the lack of air, Bella would've felt like she was floating.

Before her stood a haggard woman, emaciated and wild. The circles under Victoria's eyes matched the hard black emptiness of her irises, and her lips were white, cracked, and dry. Her skin remained flawless and white, with a chalky pallor that had always reminded Bella of a marble statue. But this being, an abomination as far as… some had been concerned, moved too quickly and far too gracefully to be a carving. And atop her sunken yet beautiful head, Victoria's flame-red hair blew around in the wind.

The next thing she knew, Bella was hurdling through the air. The wind was knocked out of her, and she heard a thunderous crack. If she hadn't known better, she would've thought the body between her and the tree-

"Don't want your back broken quite yet, sweet," Victoria snarled. She unceremoniously dropped Bella at her feet. Breath could not find its way into Bella's lungs. Her chest heaved, but nothing came. Small spots of black floated around the edges of her vision. Finally, a breath caught, and oxygen was returning to her lungs.

Victoria's face was a mere inch from her own. The icy hand held her on to throat strong enough to keep Bella from moving, but was careful enough so as not to crush her throat. Bella could not wrest her eyes from Victoria's gaze – it was a hungry, desperate stare. "I'm surprised," Victoria finally whispered, voice tenebrous, allowing one hand to stroke the side of Bella's face, "he hasn't come to save you. Leaving your safety in the hands of dogs, really," she tutted. "They've been keeping me hungry the past few weeks. And Bella, darling, I'm so… very… hungry…"

Taking one of Bella's hands between her fingertips, Victoria began to caress it blankly. She held it like a newborn child, but continued to stare at her victim. In a lightning-quick second, before Bella even had a chance to register the movement, her finger snapped. The following scream, silent and breathless, almost made it more painful. In her ears, her dull heartbeat sped up.

"I wonder what he'll do when he finds your body." Victoria cocked her head to one side and took the next of Bella's fingers. _Don't look down. Don't look at it. Just don't-_

This time, Bella really could scream. And it was loud.

"Oh shut up." The snap had been sickening. In fact, Bella felt bile creeping up the back of her throat. She was going to be sick. "Let's make this last, shall we?" Victoria grabbed the back of Bella's head and ducked her head down to her throat. Every inch of Bella's body was screaming at her to move, to do something, but her mind was frozen – listening intently to the sound of Victoria's labored breaths, so close to what she desired, and the thrum of her own blood. The veins in her neck pulsed even quicker, seeming to rise above the skin as the cold, dry lips brushed against her.

_How long can she make this last before she kills me?_ Bella thought. _How long can she hold on?_ Her mind was working much quicker than it had before, processing new information with every passing moment. _How much more can I stand? How much more can my body take?_

She already knew. She welcomed it. She was ready to die as soon as she had opened her eyes. No, even before then. Hadn't she welcomed death in the water, as it turned her around in a mass of salty swirls, as she stopped fighting and let the ocean take her, pull her down, down, as she lost consciousness, becoming one with that beautiful, angelic voice she heard only as an echo in her head, and going down, and down, down…

"Wake up." Victoria jerked Bella's head back, ripping strands of hair from her head as she did so. "We're nowhere near finished yet, and I need you to stay with me." She took a step away from Bella, who crumpled – a mere quaking, heaving mass at the feet of a merciless executioner. "I said wake up."

Once again, Bella was lifted by the throat. _She's really going to make this last as long as possible_. There had to be some way to just shut off the pain.

With one free hand, so cold it practically burned Bella's skin, Victoria followed the veins in Bella's arm, tracing them until she reached the scar. The last trace of James. A sudden wave of calm spread over Victoria's tortured face and she marveled at the mark, swept up in memory. There was something almost tender about the way she danced her fingers across it. Her lips moved unintelligibly with something Bella couldn't hear, but understood entirely.

A murmur of hope.

A cry of loss.

It tugged at the edges of the hole in Bella's chest, threatening to sink her into oblivion. For a split second, she understood her hunter. The moment seemed to last for ages. Waves of grief spilled from Victoria. They had both lost their soul mates, forever. But the comparisons ended there. Bella could never be in Victoria's place.

Victoria's eyes flashed, hard and wintry. From somewhere deep within her chest – probably a similar cavity to Bella's – a growl unfurled. There was no more pain coming, save the last bit. The sharp end.

Exactly along the lines of her love's final act, Victoria tore her teeth into Bella's flesh. A small shriek escaped Bella's lips as her life escaped her veins.

Several things happened all at once. First, Victoria ripped herself from Bella's hand, searching for more instant gratification. A deep growl came from just beyond the trees. And a large blurry body flung out at the momentarily still Victoria, knocking her just out of Bella's vision in a flurry of screams and howls.

Then, Bella's heart fell. The bullet that had shot out to tackle down her killer was not the pristine body she had been hoping for. Instead, it was a very large russet wolf. And it was not alone. Four other wolves darted out from the trees around Bella, sprinting after Jacob and Victoria as they wrestled.

Everything was moving so fast. She wanted to clamp her hands over her ears with each bloodcurdling scream and yowl, but could barely move. Instead, she closed her eyes and tried to wash the panic away. Jacob was there. She was going to be safe. A light breeze whipped by her face as the screams died down – they sounded much further away now.

"Bella." The voice was quiet in the back of her head, but she jumped at the abruptness of it. "Bella." The velvety texture of his voice was straining. With her last ounce of energy, she let the calm that came with her hallucination wash over her.

"Edward," she whispered into the wind, smiling despite it all.

"Bella, I'm right here. I'm so sorry. I am so incredibly sorry."

Reaching with her bloodied hand, eyes still shut tight, she stroked the side of his face. In reality, it was only air, but she could almost feel it. Hard and cool and beautiful.

_It's alright. It's time. I'm ready._

The angel shook his head. "Not for this." She traced her fingers along the edge of his chin, and his lips curled into a broken smile.

_Will I see you when I'm gone?_

"You're not going anywhere."

_What…?_

In an instant, her vision shut off. She let her hand drop and her eyes open. Her body was so tired, but there was something new. Something creeping its way around her palm. It burned.

"Jacob," she murmured. Using her voice pulled at the cracks in her throat. She tried to yell. "Jacob." Someone had set her hand on fire.

"Bella! Jesus Christ, Bella." Suddenly, warm hands engulfed her face. "Bella, I've got you. I'm going to take you to the hospital, okay?"

"No, Jacob, you have to help… you have to…"

Their eyes locked, both frantic. "She… bit… you." Bella let loose a wild scream. "Bella, what can I do? Tell me what to do."

"Like a snakebite," she was somehow able to gasp as she started writhing helplessly against the tree. The pain was unbearable. Why couldn't she just shut it off?

Immediately, Jacob understood. "Sam, hold her down." Sam looked down at his friend incredulously. Bella had no recollection of the other wolves returning. Two very strong, hot arms wrapped themselves around her as Jacob took her hand. Pressing the wound to his lips, he quickly sucked the blood out, spitting every few seconds.

The fire was diminishing rapidly. Soon it was only a dull pain in her wrist, and then a flicker of heat in her palm. "That's it," she muttered. "Take me home."

Jacob pulled her up into his arms, a protective hug. It wasn't his usual bone-crushing bear hug; it was surprisingly gentle. "Hospital, Bella."

"No. I need… to… go home." Jacob opened his mouth to argue, but she was losing consciousness in his arms.

--

"Bella, can you hear me?" Jacob's voice was far away. She muttered something, but it slurred and even she couldn't tell what it was supposed to sound like. Jacob laughed. He was above her, somewhere. "I'm putting you in your bed, Bella. I'll be right here. I'm giving you an hour until we go to the hospital, okay?" She tried to thank him, but the words wouldn't work properly. Hot lips brushed the top of her head.

At the end of each arm were two completely different pains. One was the sharp throb of her broken fingers, the other the dull burn of the bite. Slowly, she was becoming less and less aware of the injuries, and let sleep take her.

--

She knew Jacob was there; she could hear him breathing frantically in her ear, and see him stroking her hair, and smell his familiar skin as he clutched onto her, but she could not feel him. There was no warmth radiating from his arms, and his strong grasp was barely noticeable.

She could have easily been dead in his arms. She had no notion of where or why, and her eyes were blank. The only movement in her entire limp body, draped across Jacob's lap, was the twitching of a few fingers that weren't broken yet.

As though there was water pressing against her ears, she was only vaguely aware of Jacob roaring.

And then she was gone, running. A ghost in the forest.

--

Bella lurched out of her dream. Air still shredded the inside of her throat as she tried to breathe.

She was wide awake now, and she couldn't tell why. Every inch of her screamed for sleep. It was still light outside – as light as it got in Forks – so she knew she hadn't been asleep that long. Forcing the memories back as they drizzled in was making her even more tired.

Jacob was curled in a large, snoring ball on the floor at the foot of her bed. _He saved me._ She smiled, still half asleep. _My Jacob_. He had been so tired the day before, and she doubted he had slept since then.

The more conscious she became, the more she realized something was bizarrely wrong, however. The room was practically spinning, but she did not feel dizzy. A taste she never knew before was stuck at the back of her throat – which she would have chalked up to dehydration – but it was almost sickly sweet.

Her cut hand was tingling. She flexed each muscle carefully, before she realized – the cut was healing quickly. It was an angry red, but it was no longer open. Had she been asleep longer than she thought?

But, again, the feeling that something was incredibly wrong started worming its way through her. The dull ache of her now-closed wound was not local to her hand. It was all the way up to her shoulder, and burning stronger with every second. _This is not happening_, was all she could think.

In a flurry, she threw the bed sheet off of her and whisked out of the room. There was nothing she could do to stop it, she realized. The thought was crippling. After months of not being able to breathe properly – hell, even after a day of hardly breathing at all – she felt the air being sucked out of the entire house. The fire was getting hotter under her skin. All she could think was that she had to get away. Jacob couldn't find her.

_Jacob. He may as well not have done anything. He may as well have had the pack kill me on the spot. Oh, God. Jacob._

She ran as fast as she could out of the house, as fast as the wind would take her. If only the fire would stop; if only she could guarantee that she wouldn't hurt anyone; if only the pack wouldn't go looking for her.

_How far can I drive until it's too much? _She got in the car and the engine roared to life. The fire was licking at her insides, snaking its way to her chest, excruciatingly slow.

As she drove, she allowed herself to curse his name. She was so utterly and completely alone. It didn't matter if saying it out loud ripped apart the edges of the gaping hole in her chest – he wasn't here, he wasn't coming back, and she would have to spend an eternity without him.

Soon it was too much.

Between the burning in her arm and the self-imposed torture, Bella couldn't concentrate on the road. She wasn't even aware of her other injuries, though she was sure that driving and running wasn't going to help them much.

The door slammed shut behind her – she hadn't even bothered to take the keys out of the ignition. Her beautiful, rust-ridden truck echoed on the empty road as she blindly dove into the forest. Soon the two pains would merge and she wouldn't be able to tell the hollow empty of her heart from the scorching fire of her blood. _Just keep running_, she thought. _Get lost. Don't go back._

The light was growing dimmer, the trees emerging greener, and the pain getting louder.

_Just keep running_.


	2. Scent

**Disclaimer:** As stated in the previous chapter, I own none of these characters.

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**When the House Goes Up in Flames**

**Chapter Two – Scent**

The whole place just smelled. There were more important things for Alice to be worrying about, but it was hideous. It took her a minute to process, to get her brain to start working again. There was someone snoring upstairs, loudly.

It all hit Alice at once, like a hot gust of wind.

Within seconds, she was outside, crouched and snarling at the house in front of her. It was drizzling, and her short hair was beginning to plaster itself to her face. But the atmosphere was tense and hot. The creature upstairs had woken up, smelling her.

A scream – practically a howl – ripped through the night, emanating from the second-floor window looking into Bella's room. It was panicked and desperate somehow. Alice felt every muscle in her body get still, felt the electricity course through her as she prepared to fight.

The silence was pressing hard against Alice's ears. Something was very, very wrong. She had seen Bella jump… die. That thought was hard enough to bear. But the wolf in Bella's house didn't make sense.

A strong gust of wind blew the disgusting scent her way. The front door to the Swan's house swung open, and a figure, in a similarly defensive position stood just inside the threshold. The man would have towered over Alice by a few feet, and even from the distance, she could see quivers racking his body.

"Run, leech." The words were barely spoken, but she heard them crystal clear.

Alice knew that coming here had been a bad idea. She hadn't been thinking when she got on that plane. But she couldn't shake the feeling that she was missing something entirely. "I have every right to be here," she whispered into the wind, knowing that the dog would pick it up. "You might want to think about that before you ruin Charlie's house. He's gone through enough already. I doubt he wants to come home only to have no home to come to."

"I can control myself. I'm not so sure about you, bloodsucker."

Alice thought for a second about how bizarre this scene would look to an outsider. A tiny, crouched girl in the rain having a whispered conversation with a hulking, bestial man one hundred feet away.

"Typical. A hotheaded werewolf who thinks he knows what he's doing. Who believes he knows what he's up against. Do you really think you could take me?"

"The second I change, my pack will be here. Do you really think you could take all of us?" Alice swore internally. The wolf was slowly calming himself down, and began to take one step at a time closer to her. She stood her ground, not budging a single inch – she hadn't moved since he appeared in the doorway.

The two were left to stare at each other in silence – neither moving, neither speaking. The wind whipped the man's hair around his face, throwing his scent in all directions. "I only came to help," she whispered, her voice lilting. It was more to herself than to the wolf, but as soon as she said it, she knew he heard. A shock ran through his entire body and took another step towards her. A huge gust of wind blew whipped by her, and she continued to stand completely still.

But then she caught it. It was very faint, almost as though it was trying to go unnoticed – but it was fresh. The new scent took her by surprise, and in that instant the man, now halfway across the lawn, was replaced by a large, russet wolf.

Its size was tremendous – Alice had never seen anything like it. She had heard stories at some point, but no one had ever told her about the enormity of the creatures. She saw it lunging at her, almost in slow motion. Before his body could slam full force into hers, she side-stepped him and he went crashing onto the hard, wet ground. Off in the distance, a long, strained howl rose from the treetops. The wolf was preparing to lung again, and Alice knew she could easily play this cat-and-mouse game all night. But only with a lone wolf.

And she had bigger things to worry about.

Like the vampire that had been in Bella's house.

The giant wolf lunged at her again, a mass of hot, wet fur. Another howl echoed over the trees, haunting, closer, as she sidestepped him easily. She knew that he would barely even see her move. "This needs to stop," she said, her voice still soft, but filled with annoyance. The wolf growled at her in response and lunged again.

Suddenly, it dawned on her. The wolf didn't recognize her. He thought she was a danger – well, he would have thought that even if he had known her. "I'm Alice Cullen, you idiot. You kill me, and you break the treaty. There's nothing that will stop an all-out war between your pack and my family." She practically spat the words, although her voice was still light.

This made the wolf stop. He was hunched far away from her, growling with all his might. His whole body shook with anger, but he did not change back. Instead, he started slinking towards the edge of the woods.

Alice watched warily. Four other large, black masses appeared began to form in the darkness. The scent was overpowering. Alice wanted to throw up or spit or something to get the taste out of her mouth. She stopped breathing altogether, trying to cut off the scent. It made it bearable.

Everyone around Bella's house was completely still. Five wolves, each moving minutely, shaking with rage, and a vampire, short but upright and not breathing. "I can see that my coming here was a mistake," she finally said, shattering the silence. "I just had… had to do something." Her voice cracked, breaking the façade of composure she held. "I had to make sure that Charlie would be alright. She was my friend. I couldn't just… go without saying good-bye." She scanned the five wolves again. One of them snarled and pawed the ground restlessly. The biggest – black and intimidating – turned his head and growled at the restless one, who shrunk back slightly. "Like I said, it was a mistake."

"You're damn right it was." The russet wolf had changed back, and shivers were running through two other wolves as they phased back into human form. The other two stood their ground and bared their teeth at Alice. "What the hell did you do with her?"

This took Alice by surprise. "What do you mean, 'what did I do with her?'"

Another one of the men, who had taken the place of the black wolf, spoke this time. His face was calm and collected, but his voice was full of venom. "Bella's disappeared."

"I… I saw her jump off a cliff. Hours ago. Are you saying that nobody's found her yet? Not even her truck?"

"We know she jumped off the cliff," one of them snarled. "She got picked up by Victoria. Then tortured." A look of horror passed over Alice's delicate face. "We killed the leech. Don't worry about that."

"I'm not worried about Victoria. What happened to Bella?" She looked at each of their faces in turn. Each one was stern, silent, and on guard. "Perhaps there are a few things we need to discuss."

--

"First thing's first," Jacob Black said, looking Alice up and down. Her body was tense, but she was trying to appear relaxed and nonchalant. Every few minutes, her nose would wrinkle slightly and she would stop breathing. The thought of how they smelled to her made him smile. "Are your – _people_ – here too?"

"No. Nobody knows I came. Like I said, I wasn't thinking too clearly when I saw her jump. I just got on a plane and got here as quickly as I could. She meant a great deal to my family." That remark elicited an angry hiss from Jacob, who stood in the far corner of the kitchen. Two members of the pack, the ones who had remained changed outside, were circling the house in frustration. Alice could hear them. They wanted to help in any way they could, but couldn't stand being stuck in a small room with the vampire for so long.

"Is that why you left, because she meant 'a great deal to you'?" Jacob spat. "You didn't see – you didn't see her, you…" Sam shot him a look, and he just set his jaw tight and looked away in disgust.

"I didn't know," Alice said, very quietly. A short silence fell over the kitchen. "Alright, explain this to me again, please. Victoria was trying to get at Bella, something I can understand and something we were stupid for overlooking." Jacob snorted. "Then, for whatever reason, Bella decided to try her hand at cliff diving. Victoria got there before you could, and… took her."

"They were only together for twenty minutes or so before we got there," Sam said. "I have a feeling Victoria wanted to draw it out for as long as possible, but she'd gone weeks without food. We made sure of that. Once we found them, Victoria was feeding. We knocked her away, fought her, killed her."

"And you sucked the poison out of Bella," Alice said, looking at Jacob. He nodded slowly. "You took her back here, and you two fell asleep. It didn't occur to anyone to take her to the hospital? Or to at least have an active watch over her?"

"She didn't want to go to the hospital. I told her… I told her I'd take her after an hour. She just wanted to be somewhere familiar."

"And when you woke up…"

"I smelled you. She was gone. I put two and two together."

"Incorrectly." He snarled again, and she just glared back, her eyes coal black. "Has anyone told Charlie about her?" she suddenly realized. All of the pack's faces fell. Charlie, apparently, had been overlooked in the confusion.

"I'll call him," the quietest one, Embry said, leaving the room. This meant that Alice, Sam, and Jacob were left to stare at each other in the small kitchen. Jacob was practically crushed into a corner, trying to get as far away from Alice as possible. She sat in a chair in the opposite corner, and Sam – though clearly uncomfortable – tried to appear the most relaxed.

There was some rustling outside, and Alice heard the footsteps of another wolf joining the two patrolmen. "Jared's here," Jacob whispered to Sam.

"He probably has updates on the Clearwaters."

"Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt your pack issues, but we need to figure out what happened to Bella," Alice said quickly.

"I'm guessing you have an idea, leech?" Jacob snapped.

"As much as I don't like it, yes, I do." Alice took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, only to regret it immediately. The place smelled so strongly of werewolves, it was making her sick. She focused on keeping her voice even, and hoped that her theory couldn't possibly be true.

"Now, I'm not so well attuned to Bella's scent as Edward would be. But I can recognize it. Of course, it's been months since I saw her – smelled her, I guess, too – last, so it was a bit difficult. And, like I said, I wouldn't be half as aware of it as… others are," she said, noticing Jacob's grimace when she first said her brother's name. "Also, considering this is her house, her scent's everywhere. With you here, it's masked – heavily – but it's still in the entire place, especially her room.

"When we were outside, I picked something else up. It was incredibly faint, but it was there, it was recent, and it was definitely a vampire. I thought it smelled so familiar, but I couldn't figure it out. Since it was so light, and since Bella's scent was everywhere – and probably because I thought she was dead at the time – I wrote off the feeling that it was Bella. But now…" Alice shook her head. "Now… I can't help but wonder…"

"She's changing," Sam said, his voice completely flat.

Jacob roared. The sound was deafening, and got responses from the pack outside.

"Jacob didn't suck all the poison out, so it took longer to reach her heart. She was probably going into shock and didn't even notice it until it was too late."

"Then where did she go?" Jacob said through gritted teeth.

"I don't know," Alice replied, her voice low and aching. She needed Jasper by her side. For some reason, she felt like he would know what to do. Her eyes squeezed shut. "It would be impossible to track her, assuming she took her car, and the rain will have washed away any of her scent."

Again, the room was filled with silence.

"How… how much… how painful is this going to be… for her?" Jacob asked slowly, an edge of panic in his voice.

"Considering the amount of venom, it's going to be… intense. For most of my kind, it's the most vivid memory of human life – the change. It can last for days." Alice paused. "But that probably means she won't be able to get very far. At least, not until she's…"

"In so much pain she can't move?" Alice simply nodded to Jacob. "Where would she go? Why would she run?"

"Don't you understand, Black?" Alice suddenly spat. She took a second to collect herself, to return to her soft soprano. "Bella's wanted this change for a long time, so that she could be a part of my family. She's heard enough about newborns to understand the amount of bloodlust, and she's vehemently against killing any of her friends or family in a feeding frenzy. Once she figured out what was happening, she tried to get away from Forks as fast as she possibly could. She's trying to protect you."

"She could have stayed._ I_ would have helped her._ I_ would have protected her." Jacob was sure to place extra emphasis on the the "I."

"Would you have? I understand that she's your friend -"

"She's more than that, leech," Jacob hissed under his breath.

"Regardless. Vampires are your 'sworn enemies,' correct?" Alice's eyes hardened with her voice. "Would you have really helped her through this? Would you have been able to stand it?"

Before Jake could answer, Embry returned to the room. "Charlie's on his way. After Harry, I have no idea how he's going to handle this."

--

Charlie had been making calls all night. It seemed like he had gotten half the town involved in finding Bella. When Alice returned to the house after hunting in the morning, Charlie had practically passed out at the kitchen table. She considered leaving him alone, but the phone rang and he saw her. She tried to smile reassuringly, but she new it wasn't coming across the way she had wanted it.

She stood in the doorway while Charlie spoke hurriedly on the phone. Bella's car had been found about twenty minutes earlier, dead after idling all night. It had been pulled over to the side of a back road, only see by two bikers on their daily route. Alice knew there was no sign of Bella.

All night without a single vision.

Hoping to be proved wrong, Alice had waited all night to call her family. She knew that Carlisle and Esme were on a camping trip and she wouldn't be able to reach them. Jasper would come the second she asked, and Emmett might want to, but she couldn't be sure about Rosalie.

And Edward.

He hadn't answered his phone in weeks; she didn't even know if he still had it.

Charlie hung up the phone. "It was supposed to be Harry's funeral today," he muttered.

"It will be okay," Alice said, trying to be reassuring in spit of the truth. "We'll find her, and she'll be okay."

"But that's just it, Alice," Charlie murmured, his voice plagued by a mix of frustration, defeat, and bitterness, "she won't be. She hasn't been. All I can think is that… somehow… this has to do with _him_." He sat down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands. Alice across from him and looked at her folded hands.

"How bad was it, when we left?" Her butterscotch eyes glimmered as she looked back at him. He was tired, and it looked like his entire being was within moments of collapse.

"It was like living with a ghost. The word catatonia was thrown around a lot. I tried to get Renée to take her to Florida but she sort of… I don't know, exploded, I guess. She just refused to go. And after that, it almost got better.

"But, she wouldn't speak. Not unless you asked her a direct question. It was like her body was here, but she had checked out. And she didn't do anything. All her CDs were broken in the trash one day. She never watched TV. She only used the computer to e-mail Renée. She didn't call any of her friends back. It wasn't like… like you – your family – left. It was like somebody had died. It was… terrifying."

Alice touched one of her cold fingers to Charlie's shaking hand on the table.

"Is… _he_ coming?" Charlie asked after a brief silence.

"I don't know. Nobody's been able to reach him in a while. All I know is that he's in South America somewhere."

"Hope he's enjoying himself."

"I wouldn't assume anything, Charlie." Alice's golden eyes hardened and she looked away.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Charlie decided to take a shower. Alice sat in her seat for a while after that, listening to the light breeze outside, concentrating on trying to find Bella.

When she really concentrated, she could catch glimpses of Bella, wrapped in a ball in the woods, shaking and hot, but she could never pinpoint a location. And the images were so brief she may as well not have seen anything.

Her concentration was shattered by the shrill sound of the phone.

"Hello," she said, slightly breathless. She was met with silence. "Hello?"

"Alice," a voice croaked, deeply confused. "What are you doing?" Edward's velvety voice growled softly.

"Edward, I need you to listen to me." Before he did it, she saw him click the phone off in her head. "Don't you dare hang up on me." Her words were fast and low - even a wolf wouldn't be able to figure out what she was saying. "You've got this completely wrong. Listen to me."

"You saw her jump." It wasn't a question.

"But I didn't see her die, Edward. She's not dead. I know you don't believe me, but listen." She saw a quick flash of him before a group of men dressed in black robes. "Edward, I am not trying to talk you out of going to Italy for my sake, which you know I would do, because you're my brother, and I love you. But Bella's not dead. Not yet." She realized she probably should have added that in the first place. His decision to go to Italy was put on hold. He couldn't hear her thoughts, and he couldn't verify anything she said. "She's changing."

There was an enraged quiet on the other end. Alice saw an empty box smash to bits before she heard it, slightly crackled from the receiver. "How?" his voice had a sudden life to it, something she hadn't heard in months.

"Victoria." Again, she saw another item smash before she heard it. The line went dead. Quickly, Alice was dialing. After the first ring, Rosalie's luscious voice answered. "You told Edward about her?"

"What was I supposed to do, Alice?"

"He was going to go to Italy, Rose. What the hell were you thinking? Why would you tell him that." Alice was spitting fire. "I don't have time for this. Bella's not dead, at least not at the moment, but she hasn't got long."

"What's happening?"

"As soon as Carlisle and Esme come home, get them out here. Bella's changing, and considering what I've heard from the state she was in… it's not going to go well."

"Did you…"

"Of course I told Edward." An image of Edward on a plane appeared in Alice's head. "Is Jasper there?" She already knew he had just gotten back, and within moments, his calming voice filled her head.

--

It took everything in Edward's power not to just snap this pilot's neck and fly the plane himself. Before, he had been hollow, left in the dark. Now he was shattered, and his whole vision was on fire.

The woman next to him was terrified. He could hear her thoughts running like a faucet. He knew that he was practically breaking the seat he was in, gripping the edge so tight that he left small dents the exact size of his fingers. A small growl unfurled in his chest, and she shrunk away, pressing herself to the aisle.

Despite how painful it was, knowing what was happening to her, a small feeling of calm was sitting at the edge of his mind. The thought of seeing her – no matter what state she was in – of inhaling her scent, of cradling her in his arms: it was bliss.


	3. Canary

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I own none of the characters. Those belong to Stephenie Meyer, lucky woman.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Three – Canary**

He had desperately missed the day time. In the South, he hadn't been able to go out in the sunlight, and he put his tracking Victoria on hold. Those were the hours that were the worst. There was no purpose in his life. He could only curl up and let the emptiness flood over him.

Suddenly he had a purpose. With that purpose, came the beautiful, overcast daylight. No force in the universe could stop him.

If not for Alice, he would've flown into that house and picked up every scent he could. If not for Alice, he would be halfway to where her truck was last seen. But, there was Alice, trying to hold him back as he flung himself out of the car.

"You stole a car to get to Charlie's?" she asked, her voice filled with a combination of approval and disbelief. He could only answer her with a low growl. The small space between them was tense, with Alice clutching to his arms, trying to keep him from barreling forward. _Edward, please relax._ He snarled. _Just for a second. Let me talk to you, and then you can go as ballistic as you like._ Slowly, and much to Alice's liking, his shoulders eased – but only minimally.

"Talk," he said curtly. She just looked at him wistfully. There was a sudden life in his eyes that she hadn't seen in months. "Alice, I'm trying very hard -"

She threw her petite arms around him, clutching him tightly to her. He stood completely still, and Alice was almost sure he wouldn't react. She had missed him so much. It was understandable, the way he had retreated into himself after they had left. Her eyes squeezed shut as she was barraged with the images of life if she lost Jasper – pure imagination, but she never wanted to know what it would feel like, or look like, if…

The thought was almost too much to bear and she squeezed her brother all the tighter. It was hard for him to resist his sister's enthusiasm at seeing him again, and Edward squeezed her back. Lightly.

"Talk," he whispered, trying to ease up more.

Alice pulled away from his light grasp and looked into his eyes. They were deep black and hungry. "How did you survive the flight?" she asked, completely awed.

"It was unbearable," he offered. She stared at him another lengthy moment, drinking in his presence. He was haggard, and looked even worse than when she had last seen him – both physically and spiritually. But beneath it all, there was a spark, a fire trying to light itself behind his eyes.

His patience was wearing thin. Every muscle in his body tensed as his eyes glazed over.

"Alright, Edward, you can't go running in there."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because what happens when we find Bella, and we don't come back? Charlie will know you've been here and will think you've got something to do with her disappearance – which, once we find her, you will have." Edward stole a glance at the house. From here, he could smell her, or rather, what was left of her humanity. It both calmed him and angered him more. A low growl began deep in his chest, and Alice matched it to warn him.

"I know this is hard for you to hear…" Alice began, and her thoughts could have knocked him out.

"No, Alice."

"Listen to me, Edward -"

"No." His voice was quiet but firm.

"What if she doesn't remember you?"

"She will."

"I can't see her, Edward. I don't know what's happening to her, how the change is going. I can't_ see_ her." Her voice was trembling. It dawned on him how terrified she was, and not just for Bella, but for herself. "No matter how much I concentrate… there's only flashes. Just… pain. I can't find her, Edward." Alice's tiny body began to shake, and although he didn't understand where this sudden compassion was coming from, he held her tight against his chest. That was all he could do to comfort her. There were no words in his brain, and his heart was already a gaping wound.

"Anyway," Alice started, trying to shake it off, "you should wait for the rest of us to get here."

"No." Once again, his voice was strong. "That's not in my power," he added after another long moment of silence.

"When she wakes up… she'll be stronger than you. And she'll be thirsty. And we don't know what memories she will or won't have. If you go alone, you won't be able to hold her back."

"You don't know that," he said acidly. "You can't see that."

She snarled and pushed herself out of his arms, her topaz eyes flashing. "Fine." The two of them stood there for a few minutes without speaking, the hurt coming off of Alice in pulses as she tried to distract her thoughts.

"Hamlet, Alice?"

"Shut up."

He could hear every strain in her head as she tried to recite the entire third act of Hamlet. It was a dismal effort on her part – she had far too much on her mind. Bella, Jasper, himself. The worry was building in his chest, and if it hadn't been, he would've smiled and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. He had to move, he had to do something, he couldn't just stand here with Alice and wait for the rest of the family to arrive, he had to find her, he had to go, he had to go.

His thoughts were racing through his head, distracting enough to keep him from Alice. Images of Bella, her heart breaking in the forest, passed behind his eyes.

As soon as he had done it and was out of her sight, he had run. Faster and farther. He couldn't even move his head to look back at her; if he did, he would've gone back. He would have picked her up in his arms and held her tight, screaming that he was taking it back. He never would have let her go.

It was better this way.

Why hadn't he listened to his family? "Bella's a danger magnet, it's entirely possible that she would get into trouble one way or another." Who had said that? Carlisle, he thought.

His retort, his final word, had been that it would be normal, human trouble in a normal, human life. Never this.

Alice took his hand, jostling him out of his thoughts. "You should probably also know the whole story before you take off."

"You're going to let me?"

"Edward, I'm a psychic. I know I have no choice. I'm going to try and talk you into waiting for everybody, but I can't stop you if you go. You wouldn't stop me if it was Jasper, and you know it." She smiled weakly, and then opened up her mind. A flood of words entered Edward's head, spoken much faster than even their whispered speech, and accompanied by the images of Alice's photographic memory.

The wolves in the rain. Charlie, defeated. Glimpses of Bella in the woods, alone. Everything that Alice had seen and heard in the past two days.

Before it got to be too much, he tore off into the woods. He was in the exact spot where he had told her all those lies, all that time ago. Months that had felt like years. With closed eyes, he could almost feel her pain, lingering in the trees.

He could hear Alice going back into the house and talking hurriedly with Charlie. She really was going to let him go.

Instead, he stayed in the trees, trying to clear his head. Alice was right, he couldn't just gear up and go after Bella – there was practically no information, except where her truck had been found.

In a moment, he was climbing through her bedroom window, without really knowing how he got there. It knocked the wind out of him.

Every inch of it looked exactly the same. He could make out the dent in her bed where she had last slept, and he brushed his fingers over it gingerly. The room smelled sweet, just like her. But the faintest scent of werewolf still lingered. Jacob Black had been here for her when he couldn't be. Suddenly, he was fighting back the urge to break something. Alice was right – Charlie couldn't know he was here.

He took a deep breath, and let the scent overpower him. _Bella, what have I done?_ He bent down and pried up one of the floorboards, scooping up three photographs. One of him in the downstairs kitchen, another of him and Charlie.

When he hid the pictures from Bella – _as though I was never here_ – he noticed that she had folded the third one so that she wasn't visibly in it. Her arm was still around his waist, disembodied.

Another deep breath calmed him. It was amazing the power her scent had over him. Only a year ago, it whipped his inner beast into a frenzy, trying to claw its way out of him. Now, it was completely different. It tore at his heart, a reminder of what he had tried to give up – and what it had led to.

But with each breath he took, he smelled it. The monster taking her over. It was small, and it was fading, but it was there. With one final inhale, he tore out of the room.

--

This was the exact spot where two bikers had found her truck the morning before. There was no trail; every bit of evidence that Bella had been here was washed away by the rain. Nobody saw him arrive – they were all too busy gathering reports on the search. Everyone in town was scouring every inch of the surrounding forest, and there was no sign of her.

_It's been almost three days_, he kept thinking. _Three days._

He shook the thought out of his head and scanned the brains of the members of the search party. Jacob Black was not too far away, and his friend Quil was with him. Quil's thoughts were occupied by the rest of the wolves, who were busy combating about whether or not to participate. But Jacob had a one-track mind.

_I thought I had it. It was her scent, definitely. But it just ended… where did she go?_ Jacob thought wildly. Edward listened intently, trying to pinpoint the location Jacob thought he had.

And then the forest was a blur around him as he took off running.

In seemingly no time, he found the traces of her scent Jacob had been thinking about. It was a few miles into the trees, farther than anyone but Jacob had gone in the search for Bella.

The scent didn't disappear, like Jacob had thought. It got very light, but it wasn't gone.

--

Charlie had left to go join the search party, despite Alice's suggestion of sleep, leaving her alone at the kitchen table. The room felt strangely bleak, despite the bright yellow cabinets. Bella once told Alice that it was her mother's attempt to bring some sunlight into the home.

It took all her power to concentrate on Bella. Again, she would occasionally get glimpses that lasted mere seconds, only showing her how much pain she was in. There was no definite location, no possibility for her future – just gasps, trying to catch any air that would put out the fire in her veins. Then it would be gone.

She saw Edward, sometimes tearing through trees, breaking trunks and branches, sometimes slowly trying to follow the faintest scent. He was so aware of her, it amazed Alice. He could smell Bella even when the wolves couldn't.

Every now and then, she saw her family returning to Forks. They would each hug Alice tight – Jasper holding on forever – or they would be running, trying to find Edward in the woods. There were times when she saw Esme restraining Edward, trying to calm him, knowing that it was only Esme's imagination.

Then, the sound of tires rolling over the slick pavement, going at speeds only Emmett would be crazy enough to try. A smile broke across her face despite herself, and she was outside in a flash. Within a mere second, she was in Jasper's arms, and he was sending wave after wave of calm all around him.

"Alice," he whispered, so low that only she could hear it, and despite their proximity, they were lost in each others' eyes. "Alice?" His voice was suddenly desperate and far away. "Alice, what do you see?" Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie – they were all surrounding her. She was on the ground, screaming.

"Alice, what is it?" Esme asked urgently.

"Bella…" The vision hit her again, this time more powerful, and she instinctively curled into a ball. Never before had she felt the scenes in her head – they were only images. But every ounce of Bella's pain was shooting through her body. Only inches away, where her husband's eyes should be, Alice saw her friend's heart-shaped face, twisted in agony.

It wasn't just the fire in her blood, or the ache of her injuries induced by Victoria. There were no words to describe this. Alice felt like her chest was a complete void, as though there was no way to breathe ever again.

Then, the fire dissipated. With one final twitch, Bella ceased moving. Alice could hear the girl's heartbeats slow, and then stop. The change was complete.

"I know where Bella is," she gasped finally, the vision ending. Jasper held her tiny frame close against his chest. "I know where she is…"

"What just happened, Alice?" That was Rosalie. Alice thought. Everything was swimming.

"My vision… it's been… I don't know." Alice felt sick. "I haven't really been able to see Bella all this time. And then suddenly, I could. But it wasn't just… seeing. It was like I could feel… every single thing she felt. It… oh…" Her body started shaking, and Jasper clenched her tighter.

"Where is she?" Carlisle whispered.

"It's not the where I'm worried about, Carlisle. This vision was just the canary in the coalmine. Whatever pain she was in before the change… because of us… I'm worried about what we'll find when we get there."

--

"This way," Alice murmured, running off after Edward. Every few minutes, she would stop and try to find him. Jasper was close behind, and she could hear the rest of the family not too far off.

Each of them was yelling in their heads, trying to get Edward's attention. Alice wasn't sure if it would do anything. He wouldn't stop for the world, even if they knew where Bella was and he didn't.

And he did hear them. Every thought, every warning. Alice had seen where she was – not far off from where he was on her trail. But she had changed. He could smell it, even from where he was. _Edward, I know you can hear me, you need to wait_, Alice was shouting at him. It only got him to run faster.

The trail suddenly ended. He had been running at full speed, and stopping so suddenly had almost comical consequences. The scent was strongest where he stood, but beyond that – nothing.

"Bella?" he whispered, voice harrowed and raspy. "Bella, I know you're here." The foliage rustled a few feet behind him, but he urged himself not to turn around. "I can hear you, you know." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a quick flash. "Bella…" he began. On the other side of him, another blur rushed between the trees. She was circling him. _Please, listen to me_, he was begging inside his head.

Then, she was there. A few hundred feet in front of him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Where once her eyes had been a deep, creamy brown, they were flat and coal black. But the edges were rimmed in crimson. As a human, she was pale, but now she was flawlessly white; blood would no longer rush to her cheeks in the way he always loved.

The change in her smell was overbearing. Rather than the faintest bit of vampire, she suddenly barely smelled like her. The human blood was thinning in her veins, being replaced completely by her venom. It was still that freesia scent, but softer somehow. Her blood would never call to him again.

Finally, she did what he had wanted her to do the first day they met – run. He barely registered it; she turned heel and sprinted away. To human eyes, it would look as though she vanished into thin air. He saw her, running into the green abyss, and took off after her.

It was only a few minutes before he finally overtook her and stopped in front of her. She stopped, just as gracefully as he had, still keeping distance between them. Where there had once been a gaping hole, his chest began to stitch up. With what felt like his first breath in a millennium, he murmured her name.

She replied with a growl – it was deep and feline, yet somehow still Bella. Then, her teeth – now pure white and razor-sharp – gnashed at Edward as she dodged around him, running into the forest again.

He didn't even take a moment to sigh as he ran after her.

This time, when he caught up, he slammed his whole body into hers, knocking her to the ground. His arms were a cage around her, and she snarled again, thrashing against him. The blackness in her eyes was animalistic. Her jaw continued to click open and closed as she spat at him.

Pain shot through his chest as she landed a punch directly where his heart lay unbeating. He was flying through the air and hit a tree behind him, making it snap in half. Once again, she was off running. _She's a newborn, of course she's strong_, he chided himself as he took off after her.

A minute later, he caught her again, this time keeping them both upright as he hugged her close. "Bella, stop, it's me. It's Edward." She bit into his shoulder, her teeth like razors sliding into his usually rock-hard skin. Then, she threw his arms off her as she sprinted into the unknown again.

The two had probably run twenty miles in this cat-and-mouse chase. The woods around them were unrecognizable. It was only a matter of time before they came across another town, and he would have to restrain her from feeding on a human – something he wasn't sure he could do after the third time she shook him off.

He was always faster, but she was always stronger, almost easily throwing him off her. _Alice was right, I should have waited._

The fourth time, he was able to hold her longer. Every inch of her body shook with rage, and bestial snarls constantly escaped from her lips, but she didn't throw him off immediately. He could almost get used to her changing scent. "Bella, calm down," he whispered in her ear. That set her off again, and she nearly tore his right arm off getting away.

Each time he held onto her, he felt whole. Each time she ripped away from him, it split the seams of his wound. He couldn't let her go. He wouldn't let her. If he had to, he would keep running after her until they hit Alaska.

The sky was appearing sporadically between the treetops, and he knew the forest would let up soon. As he ran, he began to hear cars – they were still a few miles away, but he was terrified Bella would hear them, too.

He saw her flit between two trees up ahead, and he pushed forward. The sound was almost deafening as he hit her, but she was held tight in his arms. She no longer made a sound, only quaked as he held her. Afraid she would resist again, he constricted, only making her collapse into a shivering mass. If he hadn't been holding on so tight, she would have slipped to the mossy ground.

She was tensing and a low growl built up in her chest. "Stop," he said, so low he wasn't sure she would hear. She pushed herself away, but he held fast. He would lose his arms if it meant this moment would last longer.

But rather than run, she just hit his chest, still quaking in his iron grasp. Her mouth would open, full of incoherent snarls, but she would not speak. Hands balled into fists, she hit his chest again, and her snarls turned into desperate sobs. Then, she was falling to the ground, giving up, and he pulled her to him, sinking with her.

Her hair was so soft against his face as she shook.

* * *

A/N: I realize that I am updating this story at 3 AM on a Monday morning. Which is probably why I am so unhappy with this chapter. Oh well, at least its got Edward, and I got the scene that started this all out. Which was the whole Bella shaking and falling to the ground in Edward's arms thing.  
Also, as far as I'm aware, this fic is about halfway done. Unless I decide to go crazy and spend the rest of my summer vacation staying up until 3 AM working on something that ends up getting me nowhere in life. And this is why I left fanfics in the first place.

* * *


	4. Memory

A/N: So we're in the middle of a fun and exciting heat wave (actually, I think it's ending, but that's just a turn of phrase), which means that I spent most of yesterday in my basement, in front of the computer. That means: more fanfiction! Yay!  
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, places, etc.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Four – Memory**

There was no reason to stop. She knew that she was stronger than he was; she could've kept going for days. But then why had she stopped? Why was she now wrapped tightly in his arms, sobbing?

The most important question: who was he?

Everything was so foggy and muddled when she woke up. There was only a vague idea of who she was – Bella, Bella Swan – followed by an overpowering thirst. It wasn't even that her throat was dry, it was like all the moisture was sucked out of her body, like she'd never be satiated again.

The ground was wet and soggy beneath her, and the light was dull and comforting. Everything was so incredibly green where she was, it was strange compared to the black echo of her memory. She couldn't think of a single way to react, except to curl her legs into her body. The movement was quick.

Logic told her that she should be cold. Her clothes were wet, and everything around her smelled strongly of rain. She could smell everything, in fact. The deer a few hundred feet away, the birds in the tree above her head. That was something she didn't understand. Logic was losing. She was neither cold nor warm, and everything had a distinct smell.

She was marveling in the new world around her, when the smell changed slightly. It was getting stronger as whatever it was came closer, and her first instinct was to hide. She circled around the trees, quick as lightning. The speed was exhilarating. Every breath she took echoed over and over in her head. But that scent – it was so familiar, but for whatever reason, terrified her. She had no choice but to run.

On the other hand, the curiosity was killing her. What was coming toward her, and why had she reacted like that? She paused for only a second when he emerged.

His face was carved out of stone, an immaculate image of despair. She remembered every curve of his arms, the smolder of his eyes, but there was no reason why. She had no idea who he was, or why his sudden appearance felt like her heart was being wrenched from her chest.

So she ran. He chased. They fell. She ran again. He chased. He caught her. She pushed away. And so on.

None of this made sense to her. She only acted on instincts. And every time he held her, she felt both whole and utterly afraid. Both feelings were completely primal – the knowledge that she had to escape, somehow, paired with the knowledge that being wrapped so close to him caused all her pain to dissipate were battling each other out in her head.

She finally just collapsed.

He said nothing to her as he held her tight, hardly allowing either of them to move. They could have stayed like that for years – she had no concept of time. Things only existed by moments.

She both heard and smelled them at the same time, but she did not budge – it was not in her power. Six others, scattered all around them, circling closer, but never within her visual range.

"Bella, can you hear me?" his voice was soft and velvety, barely above a breath. Much like his touch, the sound of speech both tore at and mended her heart. But she could not respond. "Carlisle?" he called, though he only spoke the name into the still air.

Carlisle. The word was almost foreign to her. She had some vague semblance of meaning, but it was shrouded. It was something from another life, stirring in the back of her head.

Quick, off to her right, she heard the rustle of ferns, and she snapped her head to look for the source. He instantly tensed around her, and she growled – low and warning – in response.

She wanted to run. Desperately. To push him away and run again. But her body had given up.

"Bella…" the honeysuckle voice began, while he loosed his grip on her. "Say something." He caught her chin in his hand, holding it lightly, trying to look her in the eyes. "Please," he begged.

Holding her felt better than he had imagined on the flight. She was morphine, dulling the wound in his chest; she was cocaine, sending the strangest sensations throughout his entire being. But she was so incredibly different.

It no longer felt like he was holding something malleable – a feeling he had both loathed and relished about their relationship before. And up close, her scent was devastatingly different. Human Bella existed only in vestiges that he knew would fade with time.

A part of him didn't mind.

The biggest change was the eyes. Her once-expressive, deep brown eyes were solid black, tinged slightly with red, and they were filled with something he could not understand. There was recognition on some level of who he was, but they were also excruciatingly confused. He scoured them for the emotion he couldn't quite grasp. Her jaw tightened beneath his hand, and she bared her teeth.

Hatred. Pure hatred. Boiling under the surface. It was like a knife in his gut.

That wasn't quite it, though. It was something more – hatred was a complex emotion. This was simple.

"I need you to say something," he whispered, pleading. She blinked at him.

_Edward – listen._ Carlisle's voice was filling his head. It was calm and collected, or at least trying to be. Edward searched through her eyes, but only found the same unfathomable mix. _This is going to be hard for you to hear. But I don't think she remembers you._ This elicited a small growl from Edward, though he refused to break his eyes from Bella's face. _We all know how imperfect human memories become after the change – especially for the first few years. Considering what Alice saw, what she told us, I don't think Bella even knows what she is. She was focusing so much-_

"No," Edward yelled, jumping up. He still had Bella clutched tight to him, and he buried his face in her hair. She could do nothing except stand, pressed to his body. "That's not… that's… I refuse to accept that." The words were whispered into Bella's hair, but he knew Carlisle could hear them.

_She was in just as much pain as you were, Edward, when we left. Worse, even – she lost all of us._ This was Alice. _It consumed her…_

"Please, say something," he murmured against the side of her head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Emmett moving in closer.

Very quickly, Bella was out of his arms in a crouch, hissing wildly at Emmett. He stopped in his tracks, locking his eyes on Bella. She was almost feline in the way she was poised; her back arched high, she rested on the balls of her feet, eyes glaring and unearthly. "Bella, stop," Emmett said quietly.

Both he and Edward were ready to move if she did, watching her warily. But she did nothing – she only continued to stare them down and hiss. She looked… feral.

_Carlisle was right._ She had no recollection of humanity, and was only acting on her instincts. It would have been normal if she was hunting, but this was completely inhuman. She didn't even remember speech.

"What did I do to you?" He pried his eyes off of Bella and turned to look for Carlisle. "This is my fault."

Almost instantly, Alice had her arms wrapped around his waist and her raven head buried in his abdomen. He ripped away from her in disgust – more so at himself than at her – and turned back to Bella, who remained, still as a statue, wild and beautiful.

Very carefully, he crouched to her level and approached her. He would have taken days to move to her if it meant she wouldn't shy away. Never once did her move his eyes from hers. The guilt washed over him, and he almost doubled over. But he continued, reaching one of his pale hands out to her face, stuck in a snarl.

A burst of elation shot through him when she closed her eyes against his caress. Though she barely moved, the slight tilt of her head, pressing herself closer to his palm, was enough for him in that moment. "I'm sorry I've done this to you." She was still shaking slightly under his touch, and he began to wonder why that was. Thirst, probably, more than anything. Anger.

Or possibly recognition.

That thought sent another spurt through him, almost warming up his long-cold hand. Even if she had no memory of her human life, even if she was functioning on a purely animal level, she acknowledged something about him. Something that allowed him to approach her when Emmett or anyone else could not. Something that caused her to react that way to his palm. Perhaps she felt the same mixture of fear and joy at their reunion that he did, even if she didn't know what it was or what it meant.

"She was focusing so much on not feeling these past few months that she completely shut down," Alice said, voice faraway. "The most recent parts of her human life must have carried over after the change. She left Charlie's knowing that she didn't want to hurt anybody, and that she had to get away from the Quileutes. Her survival instinct kicked in as a last resort, and her strongest memories are probably the only things that are keeping her tied to… what she was." Alice paused for a while, but Edward was lost in Bella's eyes, choosing not to look at his sister. "I'm guessing that her strongest memories are of you, Edward. She can recognize you, but she doesn't know… anything else."

"Will she change back?" Edward asked, refusing to look away.

"I don't know."

"That's not good enough," he roared, finally breaking away from Bella and turning on his sister. Behind him, Bella tensed and jumped back a few feet, her breath ragged. "You have to see something – you have to know something. Or are you useless?"

"Edward, that's enough," Jasper shouted, appearing very quickly beside his wife.

"I'm trying, I really am," Alice whispered, dejected. Esme, Carlisle, and Rosalie were all around her and her husband; Emmett was readying himself to restrain Edward. "Right now, she's just an animal. She has no decisions to make; she lives in the moment. How am I supposed to see a future for that?"

"Figure it out," Edward spat between his teeth.

"Edward, she can learn how to speak again. We just have to spend time – which we have plenty of, mind you. She can learn how to access those memories to the best of her ability, and you can rebuild," Esme was saying, trying to keep calm.

_She has a point, son, _Carlisle thought. "Look at the way she's reacted to you." Edward turned back to Bella, whose face was awash with surprise and fear. She found herself suddenly surrounded by several adversaries – as she saw them – and could not outrun and overpower them all. But when she caught Edward's eyes, she almost relaxed. Almost. "Your connection was so deeply entwined into her being that, even if she doesn't remember who you are, she remembers what you are. She still loves you."

The eight of them stood in silence for a long while after that. Edward was lost in Bella's eyes, trying to rememorize every detail of her face. Jasper was clutching Alice's hand and watching Edward warily.

--

Each of the creatures in front of her was beautiful, in their own ways. It had taken her completely aback. And their mouths all moved quickly, quiet sounds coming out. Nothing made sense to her. Try as she might, she could not comprehend. Her body was screaming at her to run, to go where she heard cars – she recognized cars – but her newly mended chest kept her from moving.

Slowly, words – she recognized words, too – began to pop out in her head. Love. That clicked in her head. She had heard it so many times, but it held no meaning. Her head was like clockwork, trying to sort everything they spoke – she recognized speech.

"We could take her to the house. It might conjure something up," one of the women, the chestnut-haired one, suggested after the silence became too much to bear. He nodded.

Inch by inch, he came closer to her. Breath ragged. Can't breathe. Primal need to breathe – don't really need to breathe. Breath increasing. Can't breathe. Don't need to breathe.

His eyes glistened as he reached out to touch her again. Instinctively, she recoiled, and he pulled back slightly. "I need you to trust me, Bella." He knew the words wouldn't make sense to her, but he had to say them anyway. "Take my hand." His hand hovered a foot or so away from her, palm open and offering. Every around them relaxed, and she felt tension pouring away from her body. The sudden wave of calm was coming from the blond male who had yelled at him… at Edward. That was his name, wasn't it?

_Take it. Take his hand._

The instant she did, they were off running.

--

Her amazement was childlike. Every step, which happened only rarely, as she was keeping incredibly wary, was almost a spin as she tried to take in everything around her. The building – she recognized buildings – was magnificent. Though she knew that the rest of them were in the house, waiting anxiously, but she was alone in the room with him. Edward. His name felt almost tangible. Edward. Both hard and soft in her head. Edward. At first it had caused her heart to feel like it was gone, just simply gone, but slowly, the more she said it, the less it hurt.

He – Edward – was standing in the doorway, arms crossed tightly over his chest, never taking his black eyes off of her.

In his mind, he was crossing the room in one swift movement, and taking her in his arms. She did not resist, and turned to bury her face in his chest, inhaling his scent. He pulled away, only a fraction of an inch, keeping their distance as minimal as possible, and pressed his lips to hers, lightly at first, and then she melted in his arms, pressed him closer, pushed herself on the balls of her feet to match his height as they lost themselves in one another, and the kiss deepened, and their hearts collectively mended…

But he was letting his imagination get away from him.

Each time he moved, she would move away – keeping the exact same amount of distance between them each time.

Her eyes scanned everything, and names for each object were popping into her head. Piano. Couch. Light switch. Light bulb. Light. Cushion. Floor. Ceiling. Tree. Window. Some words took longer than others, but each one amazed her.

"This was our home," he said, very quietly, gauging her reaction. Tense, then release. "My family and I lived here. You visited – often." Tense, then release. "I don't know if what I'm saying is even making any sense to you," he said finally, his voice cracking slightly on the last few syllables. She turned to look at him, her eyes alight with intrigue. She refused to move any closer, but concern certainly flashed behind her eyes. "Do you recognize any of this?" he asked, trying to collect himself.

_This is all my fault. I left her in more danger. Victoria, werewolves, cliffs. Why did she have to jump off that goddamn cliff? She needed me, and where was I? I needed her, and where was I? This was never supposed to happen. I should've been selfish, I should've stayed. She'd still remember me, her family, my family, our family; she'd still remember… she'd still be alive._

--

The longer she stayed, the more her eyes lit up with new emotions. Things were returning to her – not memories, exactly, as far as anyone could tell – but a feeling. From there it could only get better, as far as anyone was concerned.

The sun had set by the time she allowed Edward to approach her somewhat. Every muscle in her back hardened with his first few steps. Just like his words, it was followed by release.

He was a few feet from her, and she still did not turn around. She was enthralled by the forest outside, or at least pretending to be. One last step, and he was within touching distance. This time, she did not relax. He stopped. He tried to push out every thought of holding her again, of what he would do. He failed.

"Do you know where you are?" he asked, not expecting much of an answer. The words fell to the floor, dead, and were met with complete silence. It was almost as though she had stopped breathing – they both had.

So he continued to stare at the back of her head, and she continued to stare out the window. The entire room was filled with tense air; it felt heavy and cold. The silence was driving him mad. He was within seconds of pulling her into him, and he would fight back if she resisted.

Her mouth opened, and then closed. He backed up an inch and her body relaxed ever so slightly.

"Home," she said, very quietly.


	5. Silence

Disclaimer: Again, no owning, etc.  
I just wanted to thank everybody who has left such wonderful reviews. It really is great to have fans, and I appreciate all the comments you guys leave!  
There was some confusion on the last chapter with the rapid POV change, and I just wanted to say that the idea behind it was sort of expressing the confusion of the situation, but I guess that kind of got lost in translation. Thanks to everyone who pointed that out, and I tried to keep POV switches in mind when I was writing/editing this one.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Five – Silence**

There was no way of knowing whether she was simply repeating his earlier words or speaking of her own accord, but the word made him jump. It was like an electric shock. Rather than just stare at her dumbly, he did the next stupidest thing: he repeated his question.

"Do you know where you are?"

"Home," she repeated, even more quiet than before. Though she did not turn her head, her eyes quickly flickered in his direction and then back to staring out the window. It took everything in his power not to rush over and take her up in his arms. But fighting that urge took almost all his concentration, and silence fell over them again.

"Do you know what's happened to you?" he tried after the silence became unbearable. She did not answer, only continued to gaze out the window. At this point, he was certain that she wasn't looking at anything in particular.

As the silence pressed on, Edward had to reexamine his hopes. The twitching in his fingers – the need to reach out and touch her – was almost killing him; he crossed his arms tight across his chest and took a deep, shaky breath. She was only repeating what she had heard.

"Do you know who you are?" It was worth a try, but again, was met with silence. Her eyes were unmoving in their gaze on the forest below. "Can you speak?" His voice broke, and he mumbled the words.

"Speak." As before, her voice was incredibly soft – barely audible even to him – yet caused another electric current to surge through his body. The word this time was less of a statement and more of a musing on Bella's part, like she was trying to comprehend the word. Then, she swallowed, and nodded her head slowly.

"Do you know who you are?" he repeated. Silence, as usual. "Yes or no," he added, hoping it might do something.

Rather than speak, she shook her head, letting a few strands of hair fall over her shoulder. Edward longed to just tuck them behind her ear again, to feel the silkiness of her, to release this current flowing through him – but he couldn't. She would move away just as soon as he shifted.

_Edward_. Alice's voice filled his head – she had come close enough to be within hearing distance, but kept far away, knowing how volatile Bella was more than anyone. _Watch the window._ That was all she thought before she slipped away again, out of reach. Edward let loose a long sigh, hoping it would calm him somewhat.

_The window. What the hell does she mean, watch the window?_ His eyes jumped from Bella to the glass panes just a few feet ahead of her. _Is Bella going to run for it?_ He wouldn't put it past her. So he tensed, ever so slightly, ready to pounce if she broke through the glass into the woods.

It was all very surreal. Bella was standing erect, staring out the window at the world below, without really looking at it. There was no way of knowing what was happening in her head, and this was one of the times he found himself cursing her natural resilience. In the dull light of the evening, she was almost harsh against the softness of his room. Every feature in her face looked more pronounced, and her body was still stiff despite the relative calm she showed.

_She's still Bella_, he thought. _She's still my Bella_. He was no longer sure if he was trying to convince himself of that or if it was a statement of fact. _I did this to her, I made this happen, but she's still mine_.

Edward was so wrapped up in his own head that he barely noticed her ever so slight movement. He snapped to attention, seeing that Bella's head was slightly cocked to the side, and her reflection in the glass showed that her eyes were watching him. Rather, his reflection.

Their eyes met, two completely different shades of black, in the glass, and neither of them dared look away.

Very slowly, almost torturously, she opened her mouth and spoke. "Who are you?"

The question took him aback. She did not turn to face him; she only watched him in the glass. And he couldn't hide the surprise on his face, or the fact that the words stung. He took a deep breath, and shifted his glance to look directly at her. She still did not turn.

"My name… I'm Edward."

"Good." All of her words were quiet and slow, as though she wanted to affirm that she was actually saying them, that they made sense.

"Good?"

"Edward."

"Yes. I'm… I'm Edward."

"Who am I?"

"That is a very complicated question. Because, you see, you're… everything." Edward paused, realizing that this might be a bit too much for her. "You're Bella."

"Good."

"You're Bella. I'm Edward. Does that make sense to you?"

"Yes." Then there was silence. He looked back at her reflection, and she was gazing at him intently, searching up and down his body for something she didn't quite grasp. Even after the change, her eyes were just as expressive as before. Now they were failing at hiding her intense curiosity about him. "Edward," she murmured again, and a slight look of pain crossed her face. It was a mere second in passing, but it was clearly there. Then her eyes flickered back to rest on his.

"Can you tell me how you feel?" Edward wanted to hit himself for that question. It was so ridiculous, but it was the first thing that popped into his head.

"Thirsty." The word made him smirk. It was simple, it made sense. Of course she was thirsty, she hadn't hunted once since the transformation.

"We can't have you hunting just yet. You happen to be, well, dangerous. Even for me." _She almost tore my arm off back there. _"There are some things we need to figure out."

"We." Again, it was less of a question and more of a rumination.

"Like I said, this is my family's home. I live here… lived here… with my family. They're all here still. They're all watching out for you, just like I am."

"Why?"

"Because you're important to us, Bella. There are some things that you probably don't understand, because – to be perfectly honest – I don't understand them either. This whole situation is just… very confusing. But I do have to explain a lot. If you think you're… going to understand." He knew instantly that he had said too much, and it sounded to him like meaningless blather, because she had fallen silent, and her back was tensing slightly. This time, however, he refused to take a step back.

There was something boiling just under the surface. Bella was just within grasp, he could feel her coming out, but he didn't know how to push her.

"What am I?" she asked, testing each word as she spoke it. Edward ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it. Her reflected eyes flickered to the top of his head and then back to his eyes, finally resting once more on the trees outside.

"I really think this would be easier if… I could… look at you." It was worth a try. He had come this far. "Please, Bella, I need…" He stopped before he took a step too far.

"What?" Though her voice was still hushed and slow, there was something almost urgent in it.

"I need to look at you."

Instantly, her body tensed, and she looked like she prepared herself to run. Edward tensed his body at the same time, preparing to run after her. She rather quickly noticed his movement, and stopped, standing completely still. A snarl passed between her lips, and he bit back an instinctive growl. The two of them stood like that for a very long time – Bella poised to throw herself out the window, Edward readied to jump directly after her.

Alice's voice was sharp in his head. _I thought I told you to mind the window._ He growled, knowing that she would hear. _I saw the glass shatter, and I saw you run after her. I didn't see you catch her. But then, I can hear you two up there. It wouldn't hurt for you to breathe, you know._

Carlisle was the next to join Alice in his head. _I think the conversation you were about to start with her… wouldn't be best right now._

"Wouldn't it?" Edward said, not realizing it was out loud until it was too late. Bella tensed even more, which he didn't think was possible.

Then she was gone. It was as though she stood there one second, and then next she had disappeared into thin air. Edward gasped and relaxed, looking wildly around the room.

The strange thing was, he knew she was still there. In fact, he was sure he could see her. But it just didn't register in his head. He wanted to stare at the spot where she had been – where she definitely still was – but something wasn't letting him. "Bella," he said, very careful. "Bella, I know you're still here. What exactly did you just do?" _No, this is not happening. I am not losing her again, I am not letting her out of my sight._

"Where is she?" Alice asked from just down the hall. "What the hell just happened?" All of his family's thoughts suddenly filled his head, and Edward could hardly concentrate on focusing on Bella. The door flew open behind him, and almost his entire family was standing there. "I didn't see her go out the window. I just saw her…"

"Disappear?" Edward asked, not in the mood to deal with any of them at the moment. "She's still here. I know she is, I just don't know… how." The air was thick and almost hot with confusion. The room itself was quiet, but he wished that everyone else would stop thinking so loudly so he could figure this out.

Then, just as suddenly as she had disappeared, Bella reemerged in the exact same place she had been before, in almost the exact same position. Except this time, the look on her statuesque face was purely bewildered.

Emmett swore very loudly when it happened, and nearly everyone except for Carlisle and Edward jumped back. Edward had known she was still there, he could see her, he knew he could…

"Bella, do you know what just happened?" Carlisle's voice was very calm, cutting through the bemused silence in the room. She shook her head, and her hair fell over her shoulders again. "You disappeared. Do you know how you did that?" Again, she shook her head.

"I think you need to leave," Edward said, and though his voice was low and velvety, he added a slight edge to each word, trying to send his family a message. He could see how overwhelmed Bella was, and the thought of losing her again was too much to bear. "All of you." The words were hard, but the eyes behind them were pleading, looking at each of them individually.

As his family backed out, every thought from grudging respect to warnings to pure hope passed through their heads. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Bella loosen up a bit. When the two of them were alone in the room, he closed his eyes and took two very long breaths, finally turning back to Bella.

She was completely different. Her eyes were shut tight, the way his had just been, and agony was etched on her face. One arm was pulled across her chest, and her knuckles were white where the hand clutched her other bicep. It looked as though she was about to collapse.

Without thinking, he rushed over to her and took her rigid hand in his before wrapping his arms around her, pushing her head into his shoulder, feeling her soft hair, smelling her changed but still undeniably wonderful scent. And for a moment, they were both tranquil, holding onto one another, taking everything in.

Her movement was very sudden, but she was across the room again, nearer to the door. Edward's heart sunk to the very bottom of his being when she detached herself and he hung his head. Everything was so complex – he couldn't control himself, and she almost certainly wouldn't trust him again after that.

"I don't understand what you're doing to me." Her words were clear for once, and very straightforward.

"I don't either."

"I don't even know who you are. I… I don't…" They stared at each other, black eyes locking onto black eyes, both filled with hurt and confusion. Even if Edward had tried, he knew he would not have been able to mask every single emotion. For once in his life, he was an open book, and it hardly mattered. Because, although it was clear that she felt something on the most basic level for him, it disgusted her, and he had no idea why.

Well, he had some idea. Her strongest memories were of him, which meant that some of those memories were of the pain when he left. It appeared to be all-consuming, even when she didn't know the reasons why she hurt now, after her change.

"To put things very, very simply… I love you. I will always, always love you, and nothing either of us does could ever change that. You are my core, you are my heart, you are… everything. And I left you. I left because I was dangerous; it was dangerous for you to be around me. I could have killed you, Bella, so many times – and I didn't want that for you. I didn't want you to constantly be somewhere between life and death. I though I was protecting you, so I left.

"It was the stupidest decision of my entire life. Because of that… because of my decision… because I needed you to have a happy, human life… you… you were killed. And I'm sorry, I am so sorry. Every time I see you, I can tell you don't understand what is happening between us. It's… something almost… scientific. _I can't live without you._ But I can see it in your eyes, when I get close to you. Your body remembers what you went through when I left, and cannot forgive me for it. So every part of you aches, like a piece is being ripped out. Am I right?"

He paused for the first time, allowing her to nod. "But there's something else. At the same time, you can… feel yourself healing. And that's… that's how I feel. You complete me. Utterly and totally complete me. Every time you move away, it tears at me, and I can't live like that Bella. I can't live seeing you and knowing I'll never have you. I already had to deal with that once."

Their eyes never once left each other. Slowly, as he continued, Bella's appeared to almost hollow out. There was so much pain written in them when he finished that he almost couldn't stand looking at her, knowing he had caused it. But to look away would end him.

The sky was dark outside the window, and the two of them stood in his unlit room like ghosts.

"You… left me?" Bella finally croaked, her voice overflowing with hurt. Edward could only nod. "None of this makes sense." Every aspect of her was shaking – her hands, her tone, her mouth.

"If I could, I would take it all back."

"Can you?"

"Take it back?"

"Unsay what you said. Take it back." She was too eager. "Just, pretend that you didn't love me. Just… let me go. Take it back."

The room was crashing down on Edward. It was no less than he deserved, but hearing it was another matter entirely. "Do you… remember any of it? Anything about us?"

"I remember your face. I can feel…" She trailed off. "It's not true. It can't be. I don't know why, but… everything you just said… it can't be true. You wouldn't leave."

"It is." Edward felt deflated.

"No." Bella said this very loudly, and looked at him wildly. Once more, her body was tensing up and a very low growl was beginning in her chest.

"Please, Bella, I can't lose you again. Stay." She shook her head, and in an instant, there was a loud crash behind Edward as his window shattered into a million pieces.

--

The outside air felt amazing against her face. The world was beginning to colorize around her, and the more basic things made sense. But her own thoughts and feelings were foreign, somehow.

As she rushed through the trees, she could hear him following her, and she wished she could shut it out – all these strange and unprecedented feeling she had for him wouldn't allow her mind to process her new world properly. She knew what she was, if only by instinct. A monster.

There was only craving, and thirst: nothing else.

She needed for there to be nothing else.

So she ran, knowing that he would catch up to her eventually. But she tried to let every feeling go and just run. Just be free in the woods.

She heard an animal off to the right, a couple hundred yards away. Before she could even think, her thirst took her over and she dove after it. Two deer, curled up in the wet grass and sleeping soundly. Her mind was completely blank as she fell on both of them, tearing into flesh and letting the warm blood fill her mouth.

Her thirst drove out the reminder that he was not far behind. The blood was thin and salty, but it was enough. It slid down her throat, heating her entire body. Each swallow was blissful, sharpening her senses.

But as she swallowed, images flashed through her head. A crooked smile, glistening topaz eyes in the dark, devoted. A blank, empty face saying incomprehensible words. Then the same smirk flashed through her head again, leaning down to kiss her.

She gasped and pulled away from her prey, breathing heavily.

"Bella," he said almost soundlessly behind her. She whipped around to face him, growling ever so slightly.

And then she was on top of him, pressing her mouth greedily against his, searching his lips for questions unanswered, molding herself to his body. And his hands were everywhere, his skin burning cold against her. His hair was so soft in her palms, and she grabbed, trying to hold on to him with every bit of strength.

He was not resisting. His mouth opened and he slid his tongue against her teeth while one hand wrapped around her leg and rolled so that her back was firmly pressed against the wet ground.

Every bit of her felt like fire. The hole in her chest was full to burst so suddenly, it would have taken her by surprise if she weren't so comfortably perfect in his arms. She needed him. There was no other thought in her head.

He needed her just as much, he made that perfectly clear. It seemed as though he was making sure to keep their bodies in contact in every possible place. She dared not move her lips from his – they fit so well together.

But the back of her mind was screaming. It would hurt too much. Let go. She wanted so badly to let go and to keep running away from him, to forget whatever memories she didn't yet have and just exist, simply exist, as nothing without him. It was what made sense.

Her hips lit up as he pressed his palm against the bare skin just underneath the hem of her shirt, pulling her closer to him. Kissing him was a completely natural reaction – it required no thought. Wasn't that what she was trying to do? Act without thought or reason? She moved one hand to his shoulder and in turn, pulled him closer, as though they were trying to become one body occupying the space on the forest floor.

They rolled again, not breaking, their mouths and hands still searching. Edwards's lips pulled abruptly away from hers and traced her jaw line, down to her throat, making a line for her collarbone.

With her lips suddenly free, her mind flooded. It was too much.

And she vanished in his arms. She knew it was childish, but it was better than running away. She was still there with him, he just didn't know it.

Edward groaned in frustration and shut his eyes. "Bella, please don't do this now."

Even in the dark of the forest, she could see him perfectly. And he was perfect. If she weren't trying to hard not to be noticed, she would lose herself in his beauty. As natural as it felt to be close to him, she almost felt better standing away – like this was the way it was meant to be, even if it wasn't what her body wanted.

He didn't leave. He just sat there, staring at the dead deer a few feet away, lost in thought. She didn't leave either. Despite the fact that she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to move any farther away from his body than she was.

So they were caught in the middle of this, and even as the sun came up and the forest brightened bit by bit, neither of them moved.


	6. Heartbeat

**A/N:** This story may just well last a lot longer than I originally planned. I hate to be so cryptic, but I got a crazy idea. This was originally going to be my last chapter, but I realized how unfair that would be considering how this chapter ends. So then I was going to have just one more chapter, but then, as I said, I got a crazy idea. So it's going to continue for a while.  
And again, everyone who reviewed, your feedback brightens my day.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Six – Heartbeat**

The sun was as up as it was going to be. The forest was illuminated with the dull green light that Edward was so used to. His pants were starting to get soaked with dew, but he was not going to move. She was still there, watching him just as intently as she had been in the house. He knew it.

He would wait for her, as long as it took.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a slight movement, but for whatever reason, his mind didn't really pay attention. Then, she was right in front of him – her skin glittering slightly in the beam of sunlight trickling down from the treetops. Her face was pulled into an intense frown, and her eyes glistened – a strange mixture of crimson and gold. It wasn't so much that she appeared, really, than he just noticed her.

"You didn't leave," she said.

"No. I didn't." He wanted to touch her again, to kiss her, but there was no guarantee that she wouldn't flee. "You didn't either." He continued to sit on the ground, looking up at her porcelain face. "My family and I… we can help you. Deal with the change. Get your memories back. Function without human blood."

"I don't need any help."

"I can't go along with that, Bella. Like I said, I can't exist without you. You were alone for so long – we're here, now."

"You weren't here when I needed you," she spat, breaking her eyes away from his locked-on gaze. Edward felt tired, his eyes were still black – he hadn't hunted in a long while.

"Bella, you wanted this. Maybe not in this way, but this is ultimately what you wanted."

"How could anyone want this?" Her face shattered into a million pieces, and she collapsed a few feet away from Edward, head in hands. "I don't remember who I am. I don't even know how I got this way. And the thirst – how am I supposed to deal with this? How could I have wanted this?"

"You wanted it so we could be together, for as long as time would allow." Bella looked up at him, eyes hard and glaring.

"I don't believe that. I never wanted you."

The world went black behind Edward's eyes. His breath stopped completely. A bomb had gone off a foot away from him, and he was being blown to pieces. He couldn't move, he couldn't breath, he just sat there wanted to collapse, but she wasn't leaving, and he couldn't show her how much this affected him. She wouldn't leave; she just sat there staring at him, her eyes bright and confused, though she couldn't meet his.

"You have no reason to," he said, completely void of emotion. "Never did, really."

They sat in silence, Edward mentally begging Bella to leave the forest, go somewhere, anywhere really, and leave him to his misery. None of his muscles would do what his brain willed. Time was not a factor – it hadn't been since the night before. The stillness of the trees around them added to the stagnation.

After what felt like a lifetime, or possibly a single second – Edward really wasn't sure – Bella spoke, barely audible even in the silent forest. "I lied."

--

She wanted nothing more than to hate him. What had she done to deserve any of this? Now there was strength in her limbs where she was sure there hadn't been before, yet somehow, it was all sucked out whenever they got close. He had been so quiet, so patient in the woods, knowing she would return, like a father waiting out his daughter's tantrum. Little electric waves shot between them whenever she moved slightly closer, and she understood completely why he wouldn't leave. They were so hyper-aware of each other, even in the hours since they'd met, that he knew she was still nearby the entire time.

Being with him reminded her of drowning – a strange feeling she had a perfect memory of, but with no clue as to why. With only a few feet between them, it became impossible to breathe, like all the air was out of the room, but her lungs weren't working anyway.

Somewhere along the line, they had made an unspoken agreement to keep their distance. She would stay with his family, everyone would try to help her remember and get through the worst of the cravings – when she was strong enough, Carlisle thought it would be best to get away from heavily populated areas for a while. There were still moments when she fell, heaving, the inexplicable pain too much to bear, and somebody would appear, reassuring her.

She didn't want to leave the house, her fear of hurting someone from the life she didn't remember overtook her fear of being too close to Edward.

There were times when she would have flashes of memory – faces, names – but they went as soon as they came. Other times, she would suddenly remember nothing, wondering where she was and why she was there.

He was always there, at a distance. Every day, she caught glimpses of an unnamable emotion in his eyes before he set up a stony mask. Some combination of guilt, desire, fear, anguish.

Every now and then, Alice would disappear, keeping up the pretense of helping Charlie – supposedly her father – search for her. It had been almost a week, and the search parties found nothing; people were beginning to give up. The idea was that her car had broken down and she hitched a ride out of Forks. So everyone waited, hoping she would call. At the bottom of her stomach, something painful stirred knowing that Charlie was hurting because of her, although she barely remembered him except in name.

They had all said it would take time. All she had was time, yet somehow she was impatient.

That day, when she and Edward had returned to the house, both caked in mud and holding themselves a yard or two away from each other, was the first time she wished she could cry. Alice helped her into the shower to wash away the dirt and deer's blood.

Her strongest memory was of tears. The salty sting as they slipped down her cheek, the way her eyes felt hot but the tears were cool. The subtle but temporary relief they brought.

The cold water pounding on her head. Mud beneath her. Fire in her blood. If she never showered again, she would never have to remember the rain during her change. She allowed her body to shake as much as it needed to, allowed her lungs to gasp uncontrollably, allowed the pain to wash away with the mud.

This was too much, but not enough.

This was – somehow – what she had asked for.

When she got out of the shower, rubbing a towel through her hair, she heard the faintest strains of a lullaby float through the house. _You inspired this one._ Crooked smile. If she closed her eyes, she could grin back. Clearly not all her memories were bad. She dressed slowly, though even her slowest and most deliberate movements were speedy now, and took off down the stairs.

The entire Cullen family was sitting in the living room, each couple rested against each other, lost in memories. Bella resented them for that; they all looked so peaceful, the happy dead. They had their partners and they had their minds. Bella had neither.

Edward's strong, broad back faced her, his fingers gracefully sliding over the keys. He was a spectacle as he played, each note touched gingerly and with precision. Leaning against the doorway, Bella closed her eyes. The room was filled with his scent, and in her mind it was just the two of them – he on one side and she on the other. It didn't matter that they weren't touching; in this hallucination, she was warm and he smelled soothing. It was as though there was nothing happening in the here-and-now at all. He would grin, she would grin back, completely… what was that word she had used once?

She opened her eyes to see Edward facing her, but not looking. He could not make eye contact with her, nor she him. When she wasn't looking, she knew, he stared at her, completely lost in his emotions behind the mask of his face. At that moment, his eyes were a watery gold color and his bronze hair needed taming – perfect. Her heart fluttered, metaphorically speaking.

The next day, they each sat in opposite corners of his room, staring at random objects. They would go for long periods of time without speaking, interrupted by one of them asking the other a question and then receiving an answer. The answers varied from one word to ten-minute speeches, and were always followed by a lengthy silence. At some point, they went nearby to hunt. Never too close to the town, in case Bella lost control; just far away enough from the house so that Bella didn't feel suffocated.

This became a routine. At least once a day, Bella would experience a breakdown while wandering through the house and someone would pick her up – never Edward. Physical contact with him broke her. Physical contact with anyone, really. So she kept the entire family at arm's length.

By the end of the week, she knew her talks with Edward were getting nowhere. She had asked about her family and friends a lot; what her favorite movies were (after he had explained movies) or her favorite books. He asked what her memories were of, or how bad the pain was. They always referred to pain in the physical sense, though it was a manifestation of the emotional.

The silence was both healing her and killing her; she had no clue as to its effect on Edward.

"What was our first kiss like?" she asked one day, bracing herself for the internal blow. He was quiet for a minute, staring at his hands. She dared to look at him, and when he answered, their eyes locked briefly.

"I kissed you, and you attacked me."

"Did it hurt?"

He laughed slightly. "No, not violently. I dazzled you, that was the way you put it. You couldn't help yourself." Dazzle, that was the word. "I kissed you – lightly – and you sort of… lost control. You threw yourself at me. Always the enthusiastic one."

The silence fell upon them again, a blanket across the room. But Bella was curious. She couldn't hold her questions back, it seemed. The sudden emptiness she expected never hit her, so she took her chances.

"How did you hold yourself back?"

"What do you mean?" His golden eyes narrowed, focused on the floor.

"I was a human. You didn't want to kill me?" He didn't answer. "From what I've heard, considering I haven't actually seen a human, it's unbearable to be that close to one."

"You've been talking to Jasper?" Naturally. Jasper was the one who could most empathize with Bella's constant thirst. There were moments when she found herself halfway out of the house, running for town before someone – usually Jasper – folded their arms around her midsection and restrained her. Edward ran a hand through his hair, setting it in casual disarray.

"You haven't answered my question."

"I don't know if I can, Bella. Not now." His voice was earnest.

Eventually, they got up to hunt, and then they went their separate ways in the house.

--

"Alice, I don't know if I can stand this." Edward's back was pressed against the counter of the kitchen they never used. Alice sat at the table, nose buried in the newspaper. Bella was in the garage, listening to Emmett tell stories while Rosalie worked on her convertible.

"You have to pull through," she said with a sigh, pushing her newspaper to the side. "She still loves you; I can see it every time you're in the room together."

"She doesn't seem to know that."

"She'll figure it out. It's only a matter of time. Which you have, what, an eternity of?"

"I know that." His tone was thick and dark. "But it's too much. I look at her, and I don't even know what I feel anymore."

"Are you saying that you don't love her anymore? Because I know that's not true."

"That's the thing. She's not Bella anymore. She's just a shell of what Bella was. Nothing's the same – her eyes, her hair, her scent. Everyday, even that's fading. When her human blood runs out, she won't smell like Bella anymore."

"And because of that, you'll get used to it. More and more."

"She's still not Bella." He was lying through his teeth and they both knew it. "Her heartbeat's gone. And knowing that it's my fault – the guilt is… it's like being crushed under an avalanche, Alice. Every single time. Even if she does wake up one morning and she remembers everything, the guilt will still be there."

"She'd forgive you, and you know it."

"She shouldn't."

"And she doesn't sleep – it's not like she is going to wake up one morning and suddenly remember her entire human life."

"Turn of phrase, Alice." He couldn't help but smile at his sister's bubbly personality. Alice stood, the picture of gracefulness, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She was so small, but her hugs packed a wallop. He ruffled her hair.

"She's getting better every day, Edward," Alice mumbled into his abdomen. "I can see some of her decisions. Oh, there have been so many times when I just sort of squealed out loud, and Jasper shoots me that look – you know the look I'm talking about."

"I'm trying not to think of what look that could be." Of course, he knew what she was talking about, he could hear it in her head, but it was fun to tease.

"Anyway, you know why that is? I know you can read my mind, but I'm going to tell you anyway. She thinks about you constantly. About reaching out and touching you. I can see where it goes. And no, it's not what you're hoping for exactly."

"I'm hoping for anything, Alice." She was thinking about his libido again – after all, she had seen the kiss in the woods. He shook that out of his mind, knowing it would only cause him pain.

"It will get better. I promise," she whispered. He ruffled her raven hair again.

"I hope I'm not disturbing anything." Jasper walked into the room, arms crossed, and a playful smile spread across his lips. Alice hugged Edward tighter and stuck her tongue out in Jasper's direction. "Have I got some competition, Edward? Because I think I could take you."

"He'd know every move you were planning before you even did," Alice sang.

"I think I could calm him down so he wouldn't be able to think about hurting me or ravaging my woman." The two of them were lost in their own little world, and Edward detached Alice from him. She barely even noticed.

--

"Do you remember being human?" Bella asked. The rain was hitting his bedroom window lightly, creating a soft drumbeat in the silence.

"Bits and pieces. I mostly just remember my mother. But my last days before the change were such a blur anyway, I'm surprised I remember anything at all."

"Spanish influenza will do that to you."

There was a stunned silence. Neither of them had expected her to remember any detail like that, especially not this early.

"How did you…?" Edward began, stopping only because she shook her head. "Anyway, the memories I do have came back to me later. Like Carlisle's been saying, it takes time."

"I'm tired of waiting," she mumbled, running a hand through her hair.

The patterns of the rain filled the room, like a surrogate heartbeat. It sometimes surprised Bella that her heart was silent. For whatever reason, she remembered the feeling of her heart beating almost as clearly as she remembered tears.

"I remember my heartbeat." The words were almost wistful, and once again, Edward was taken aback.

"I do too," he whispered. "It was slightly erratic."

Bella closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her temples. "There were a lot of times, actually, when I was hooked up to something… and I could hear my heartbeat. Mechanical noises, though. And once, I remember hearing it stop and then start again. But I wasn't dead… it was just, jumping all over the place."

"That was partly my doing."

"How so?"

"I was kissing you. You had a knack to overreact every time."

"You mentioned that."

Then, the room was spinning. She didn't hear his witty remark, if he made one. She couldn't even hear the rain anymore. Her legs were pulled tight to her chest, and her breathing was unsteady.

"Bella, look at me." It was Carlisle, his creamy gold eyes gazing intently into hers, filled with worry. "Can you hear me?" She nodded, and then pushed him off of her as gently as she could and stood up. Her legs were shaky beneath her.

In the doorway, she saw Edward's looming figure. The same mixed look was in his eyes. He would blink and it would die away. But he wouldn't leave.

_She's not getting better. In fact, these panic attacks are happening more frequently._ Edward growled, telling Carlisle that he had noticed. _She vanished this time, Edward. She's retreating into herself. We need to do something._ Edward shot him a look. _I don't know if the time you two spend together is helping her situation at all. I don't mean to sound harsh, I'm trying to control my thoughts here, and you know it, but I'm worried. Not just about her. You're my son, too, and I can see what this is doing to you. You can't just sit here every day barely talking, hoping for more, but feeling too damn guilty to do anything._

"Bella, would you mind telling me what was going through your head before?" Carlisle's voice was careful and sweet, trying to get Bella to answer the question she hadn't the first fifty times.

"I don't know."

"You vanished this time. Do you know why?" Bella shook her head. She did not look at either Edward or Carlisle, and Edward couldn't help but wish that she would just look up. Her eyes were becoming less and less red with each passing day as her human scent faded, being replaced by something still vaguely hers, but so overwhelmingly different. "Would you like me to help you downstairs?" Carlisle asked. She nodded.

_Will you let us pass?_ Edward stepped to one side as Carlisle whisked Bella down the hall. He was frozen in place, staring after her. She never looked at him. Maybe Carlisle was right.

The next day, Bella didn't come to his room. They didn't subject themselves to the silence and the burning questions. Edward heard the sympathetic and worried thoughts of his family members as he floated through the house purposelessly. He closed his piano again, knowing how it hurt Esme, and he sulked in the corner whenever Bella was in the room. She wasn't alone with him, and she never would be again.

He thought he had expected this, but it hurt almost as much as leaving her did.

This time, he couldn't even curl up and be useless in his own room, because Bella would hear him.

As he wandered, he heard the Alice's hushed whispers right outside the house. He closed his eyes and focused on her thoughts – she was talking to Bella. He had no right to snoop, but Alice wasn't going to stop him. That he heard in her head.

But when he realized what she was explaining, he froze. What Charlie had said about her life after they left. That she thought this was what Bella was experiencing, in fragments. Rather than it being pure memories of her life, it was just the feelings left over. And Alice had experienced them too, in that single vision. She had not only seen Bella, but almost been her mirror.

The whole time, Bella was completely silent, drinking it all in. Eventually, Alice stopped, waiting for Bella's reaction.

But even Edward didn't hear her reaction until Bella suddenly opened the front door to run directly into his chest. The sudden contact sent a shiver through his body, and it seemed like she almost instantly jumped back. He fought the urge to hold her to him, comfort her, and he almost expected her to fall apart again, or even disappear.

Instead, she just stood in front of him, staring at his eyes. There was enough space between them to feel that electricity, similar to the day in biology where they had been subjected to watching a video in the dark, but they were still far away. Realizing that she wasn't running away, he finally brought his eyes to hers.

On impulse, he picked up her hand and squeezed it tight. She squeezed back.

--

This time, they sat a bit closer, rather than have his entire room keep the space between them. The silences were still there, but less frequent and long. Most of what they said was trivial, but occasionally, they would hit on those uncomfortable but necessary topics.

"If you could sleep, what would you dream about?"

"You."

"Have you said that before?"

"Yes." Silence. "How about you?"

"Heartbeats." Edward's face fell ever so slightly. Bella wanted to say repeat his answer, but there was still something tugging in the back of her mind. She still wanted desperately to hate him, but it was getting harder to do so. "Dreaming about you would be too painful, but I would probably do it anyway. I seem to remember that we can't tell ourselves what we have to dream."

"You used to talk in your sleep."

"What did I talk about?" She already knew the answer.

"Me, usually." The wince was barely noticeable. He noticed. "Sometimes your mother – you worried about her a lot."

"Renée." Pause. "How do you know that?"

"What?"

"The things I talked about in my sleep?"

"I would spend the nights in your room. You were constantly on my mind and with no sleep myself, I couldn't think of a better way to pass the time." A strange look passed over her chiseled face. "You let me. You wanted me there every time. Well… except the first few, you didn't know about those. But when you found out, you weren't angry."

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. It was the first time they looked away from each other that day.

"I'm sorry. It didn't seem like an invasion of privacy then."

"It's in the past, don't worry about it," she said, trying to half-smile. "Did you… I mean did we… I, did I…" It was interesting watching her stammer, knowing that she would have been bright red.

"What?"

"Did we ever spend the night… together?"

He fought the impulse to tease her mercilessly. "Not in that way. You would sleep, and I would hold you. It seemed to dull your nightmares."

"And it was never too much for you?"

"Sometimes I did have to leave, take a breather. But you never noticed. Especially the first few times. After a while, I could bear your scent long enough to last out the night."

"What, did I not shower?"

"No," he said, grinning. "You always smelled amazing. The first time we met -" He cut himself off. This was not something he particularly wanted to explain. Though her eyes showed her intense curiosity, she understood the importance of boundaries and didn't push.

Her panic attacks came less frequently after that. They didn't stop entirely, but they didn't last as long either. When they did happen, he was the one to pull her arms away from her legs gently, to whisper that it was alright, to bring her back.

They relished in the little touches, but neither of them could bear much more. Their fingertips would brush if they came close enough, but they never intertwined. They could smile at each other, knowing it was the only mutual experience their lips would share for the moment. But she was still broken, and he was still at fault.


	7. Lightning

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Seven – Lightning**

In another week, the family was going to go to Alaska. Everyone – even Rosalie – was intent on helping Bella. They were exhausting their immediate food supply, and the house was getting restless. Nobody knew that they were all back. Alice had apologized to Charlie, and promised to continue to keep a lookout, but there was nothing more she could do. She had to return to her family and her studies, though she would always keep Bella in her prayers and thoughts. Charlie had given her a bear hug, thanking her genuinely, despite all the pain that he himself was in.

After a month and no sign of Bella, Charlie had been put on a mandatory vacation, and though the search would continue, it was far less intense. While hunting, Edward got glimpses of the wolves' thoughts. Jacob was still scouring the countryside looking for her. The other wolves were getting annoyed and wanted him to let it go – there was nothing they could do. They had done all they could. Things like that.

Every day, Bella and Edward lingered near each other longer, or sat a few inches closer in their nightly interrogations as Emmett called them. But neither of them was healing at quite the pace they wanted, and Bella wasn't regaining as many memories as she had been.

So the idea was that, at the end of five weeks, they would pack up and race off, taking the least populated roads that they could. Of course, in those four weeks, Bella had not so much as smelled a human, except what she picked up off of Alice's clothes after her visits with Charlie, so there was no way of knowing how she would react at the scent of civilization.

Time with Edward no longer tugged at her seams. In fact, she seemed to be healing properly from the wound she did not remember. For Edward, the mind-numbing guilt was easing off, and her mere presence made his chest feel full. Their small touches were enough to keep both of them going for the time being. It was a strange balance – all too much without being nearly enough. There were some days for Bella that were worse than others, days when contact made her chest ache dully and made her head swim with bizarre feelings. As time passed, though, those feelings were morphing into thoughts, which stimulated something at the edges of her memory.

Hopelessness. He was lying to her – he had done it before, he could do it again. Desperation. She wanted to believe that he loved her. Hatred. He left her without looking back, without thinking. Guilt. He seemed so devoted to her at times; it killed her to have these thoughts. Hope. If she pretended that he wasn't going to leave again, maybe he wouldn't. Fear. She would blink and wake up, and he would be gone, a mere figment of her imagination.

These were the thoughts of the helpless shell that Alice had described to her. They were only ghosts of the thoughts, certainly, but they were still powerful enough to make her fall apart in bits.

As Edward spent more time with Bella, Alice's words began to ring true. He got used to her changing scent. It was so slow that he was sure he wouldn't even notice it when the last traces of her light human air was gone. And the new scent was pleasant – it calmed him. He could even get used to her new eye color. They matched the gold of his, except for the crimson tint around the edges from the last of her human blood. Somehow, they were more liquid than any he had seen before, and they swirled in a different way with each emotion she had.

There was a point, though, where they stopped moving forward. There was a week left, and neither of them moved any closer or touched any more often.

The two of them were sitting in the living room with Esme, listening to her talk about art, when Alice swooped in, grinning. She mindlessly sat down on the couch next to Edward and politely waited for Esme to finish, though of course Esme stopped short when Alice came in.

"There's going to be a storm tonight!" Alice said through her grin. "Emmett, Rose, and Jasper are up to play ball."

"I would love to play," Esme said, barely containing her own excitement. "Carlisle, too, I'm sure." The family rarely got to go out and play the way they wanted to.

"Edward? Bella?" Alice looked from one face to another. Edward's was excited, but curious, trying too hard not to look directly at Bella's expression; Bella's was slightly confused. "A little baseball never hurt anyone. And it's been so long."

"Bella?" Edward asked, keeping his tone cautious. She looked up at him, her eyes alight with curiosity.

"I've never really liked baseball. I think. I'd love to watch though." Alice couldn't contain herself, and jumped up to fling herself at Bella. Bella laughed, hugging Alice back before she swept out of the room again. A sly grin spread over Edward's face, and Bella watched out of the corner of her eye. Sometimes looking at him got to be too much.

"You did kind of hate baseball," he said, still smirking. "I'm surprised you even remember what it is."

"That's something so deeply ingrained in my subconscious that I don't think I ever could forget, even if I tried," Bella joked. It was rare these days, hearing her voice so thick with sarcasm.

"Are you sure you want to go, though?"

"Yes. Not to say I don't love it here, but getting out for a while would be fantastic."

"Fine, I won't argue with that," Edward said, still grinning.

"I'm going to call Carlisle," Esme said, excusing herself. This left Edward and Bella alone in the room together. The air smelled electric and hot, and they could almost feel the oncoming lightning storm.

"What's with the face?" Bella asked after a while. Edward still hadn't stopped grinning.

"I'm not too sure, really. Just, the idea of you actually playing was a funny image."

"I could totally take you, Cullen."

"I highly doubt that."

"Then maybe I will play." Edward cocked an eyebrow at her. She stuck her tongue out. "You never know. Maybe I picked something up from all those games Charlie watched."

"Yeah, like you would remember," Edward scoffed, teasing. "Even if you did, I'm sure you barely paid attention at all."

"Ever heard of osmosis?" They both smiled helplessly at one another. This interaction felt so natural for both of them, it was hard to believe they had missed out entirely the past few weeks. "Where's Jasper? Or Emmett? I'm sure they're in need of a good bet."

"They've already started. Emmett thinks whichever team you're on will win. Jasper's thinking you'll back down halfway through. Get bored, you know."

"So why haven't you joined either of them yet?"

"I'm still trying to figure out what I think you'll do. You're rather unpredictable, in case you haven't noticed. It's like living with a pregnant woman. Next thing I know, you'll want pickles and ice cream." Bella couldn't think of a snappy enough comeback, and just ran her fingers through her hair. "Oh, I got it."

"What?"

"I think you'll last the whole time, but your team will lose."

"No confidence in my ability?"

"Never."

"What if I end up being on your team?" Bella asked.

"Then I will be content to lose."

"You're totally going to throw the game, aren't you?"

"Well, you have no idea what's at stake here," Edward spoke with mock incredulity.

"Care to enlighten?" Bella asked, curiosity sparked. He just shook his head, that playful smirk still plastered to his face. "Fine. Maybe I won't play and just leave all of you in the black."

"Aw, Bella, don't do that!" Emmett said, roaring with laughter from the next room. "Let us have our fun. I'll make it worth your while." He came into the room, shaking from head to toe.

"How so?"

"If Jazz and Eddie lose, they have to perform a Broadway song-and-dance routine." Edward's jaw dropped, his eyes burning.

"You wouldn't dare," he snarled at Emmett, who continued to chuckle.

"I was thinking Hairspray." Edward shook his head. "Want to back out now, brother?"

"You know what you stand to lose, though, Emmett?" Bella was having too much fun watching the brothers squirm under each others' gazes. "Your jeep. I'm thinking… pastel pink? Something bubbly and disgusting."

"And Jasper?"

"Tutu."

"That's pure evil," Alice chimed in, poking her head through the door; she couldn't hide the broad smile playing across her face. "I love it."

"Are your bets always this – odd?" Bella asked, looking from one face to another. "I really don't want to know the answer to that, do I?"

--

What Alice hadn't predicted was that the storm would pass directly over their playing field, and most of the Cullens – with the exception of Emmett – were adverse to the idea of electrocution. Had the game continued, Emmett, Rosalie, and Bella's team would have won, and Bella was looking forward to Edward's dancing ability. The entire run home, he and Jasper were yelling about how, since the game was cut short, nobody officially won the bet.

"Alice, who did you see winning?" Edward asked, turning on his sister the moment they arrived at the house. She just giggled and shut her jaw tight. "You're kidding? You were lying the whole time!"

"I was hoping that I could convince Rose to throw the game before the storm hit us directly. I've always wondered what Jasper in a tutu looked like." With an innocent smirk, Alice rushed inside after Jasper, whispering something about showers excitedly.

"None of you play fair, do you?" Bella asked with her brow furrowed as she turned to look at Edward. They were the only two left outside. His flashed her his dazzling smile and shook his head. A loud clap of thunder boomed and rolled across the treetops, a few miles away. In the distance, so far it looked almost tiny, a bolt of thunder shot across the sky. The Cullen home was safe, even with the storm that far away. It was bizarre how true her first word felt. This was her home.

Everything felt electric, and Bella could only chalk it up to the oncoming storm. The wind was getting faster, beginning to howl through the trees. The rain would hit soon, followed by the thunder and the bright flashes of lightning.

"Edward, can I tell you something?" She was trying to speak cautiously.

"Anything." The worry was evident in his voice.

"I don't want to leave here. I don't want to go. Not… yet, anyway." Tremors began to pass through her body, and she closed her eyes. Edward sighed, and took her small hand in his. Without having to think, she twisted her fingers, intertwining their two hands as much as possible.

"Bella we have to. We can come back – but right now, people are going to start noticing that we've come back. They're going to ask about that, and they're going to ask about you. And none of us are sure you can handle being this close to humans much longer. Sooner or later, you'll pick up their scent, and it'll drive you to the brink." He squeezed her hand, trying to be reassuring.

"But…"

"Bella, we've talked about this. A lot. You know it makes sense. You know it's the right thing to do." She looked away from him, down at their hands before pulling hers away."

"I'll see you inside, Edward," she muttered, brushing past him. The electric air died away as soon as she was in the house. But she had nothing to do. She had just told Edward that she didn't want to leave, and here she was, trapped inside the place.

Someone grabbed her hand; she hadn't even heard anyone come into the living room after her. "Edward, what-"

"I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget how stubborn you are."

"Me? You're the one-"

"Bella, this was a family decision, you know that." Once again, she dropped his hand and started to walk away. He took it again. "But I'm listening. Why don't you want to go?"

She sighed and turned to face him. "There's still so much missing. And I feel like… if I leave… I'll never be able to figure out what my life was. I'd be losing all those memories locked away here. I'd…" She trailed off. Her voice was barely audible at all, and her body was beginning to tremble. So Edward did what she was hoping he would – he pulled her into him, wrapping her up in his arms, and he pressed her head to his chest gently, allowing one hand to absentmindedly stroke her silken hair.

When she was human, she knew, his arms had always felt rock-hard and cold. Now, it was entirely different. Their skin was very much the same in temperature and texture, and it was surprising how soft he actually felt. Her head was filled with the smell of him – sweet and icy – and she buried her head deeper. "I need to remember," she murmured.

"I know." He kissed the top of her head and held her tighter. Bit by bit, the shaking wore off, and they stood there clinging to each other.

This was when it stopped mattering to him that she would never again warm his skin with her touch. It stopped mattering that her eyes would never be the same affectionate brown. She was his and his alone – that was all that mattered to him. "I can talk to Carlisle tomorrow," he said after a particularly loud clap of thunder dirfted off. "We can stay a little bit longer. If you need to."

Bella was quiet in his arms. Somewhere along the line, her arms had wrapped around his waist, and she was hugging him just as tightly as he was. "What about Charlie?" she whispered into his chest, half hoping he wouldn't hear because she knew exactly how he would react.

He tensed against her and pulled back quickly. She continued to look at his chest, refusing to meet his eyes, so he cupped her chin in his hand and pulled her up to look at him. "Bella," he said, his voice taught. "What exactly do you mean?"

"I'm going to see him before I leave."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am. You can't stop me."

He held on tight to her arms as she tried to pull away. "Bella, you can't see Charlie. As far as he knows, you're either in New York City or dead, neither of which means you can just show up at his house, looking the way you do, and say goodbye."

"Just because I'm seeing him doesn't mean he's seeing me. I just want to know, if I'll remember anything."

"Bella," he whispered, pulling her back into his chest. "I can't let you do that."

"Please." She fit so perfectly into his chest, and she didn't want him to pull away again. "Please," she repeated at a whisper, clutching him to her. He didn't move, only placed his chin on the top of her head. "I need to do this, Edward. Please don't…"

"I can't." Again, he pulled away, but only enough to look at her. One of his long, cool fingers brushed a stray hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. Then, very slowly, he pressed his hand against her cheek. "Bella, you can ask me anything. I would do anything for you. Anything except this."

"Please," she begged, staring directly into his eyes. "There's got to be something there. Something that can help me remember. Please." His fingers dropped from her cheek and ran through his hair.

"I can't let you," he whispered, his voice cracking.

"I'll go anyway. You won't be able to stop me. So I'm giving you the option – you can either push me away and I go, or you can come with me."

"No, Bella," he held her at arm's length, trying to look menacing. She could tell his resolve was breaking, though. "This is out of the question. Staying here a while longer, that I can do. But this is completely idiotic."

"Fine. I'm an idiot. I'm still going." With that, she pushed him away and started up the stairs. It was only a matter of seconds before his arm snaked around her waist and stopped her.

"Bella," he whispered, his mouth at her ear. "Where were you going just now?"

"I don't really know. Up seemed to be the general direction." She wormed her way out of his grip and resumed her climbing, at a much slower pace this time. He followed her cautiously, keeping a few stairs between them.

They sat in their usual places, in the center of Edward's floor, cross-legged with two yards worth of space between the two of them. After a few minutes of silence, both of them caught up listening to the thunder overhead, watching the room light up every couple of seconds with a bright flash, Edward inched closer, putting out his hands to grasp Bella's.

"I will go with you wherever you end up. Even if it means I have to go to Charlie's with you. It's not in me to stop you this time." They stared into each other's eyes, both lost in thought.

The connection at their hands was a cold fire, spreading up their arms and to the rest of their bodies. Once again, the air felt completely electric, and it only made sense to blame the storm – although Bella couldn't be entirely sure. "You'll make sure I won't hurt him?" The pain was creeping into her voice. Edward nodded, and then pulled a hand away to stroke the side of her face again. "Thank you." The icy fire was in her face now, spreading up to her scalp and down through her neck.

"When do you want to go?"

"Not tonight."

"I wasn't going to let it be tonight."

"Before we leave. That's all I know."

"Which is when?"

"In a week. We'll leave at the end of the week. Just the way we planned. Okay?"

"I love winning," Edward murmured. That same dazzling grin spread across his face. "Well, I guess I'm losing on one point, but I can feel like I'm winning." Bella moved forward a bit, closing some of the last space between them. The air was practically sizzling.

Another flash of lightning illuminated the room, bathing them both in an eerie glow. Every inch of Edward's face looked as though it had been chiseled out of stone, and in the brief flash, his hair appeared to be black. She couldn't even imagine how she looked to him at the moment.

"I have a question," he said, dropping his head quickly and taking his hands out of hers.

"Yes?"

"Have you remembered anything else recently?"

"About anything in particular?" She knew what he was getting at.

"Me. Us. Anything?"

"I still get flashes sometimes. But nothing solid. Just… images or feelings. Why?" Edward was silence, biting his lip as he stared at the floor. She silently took his hands in hers and laced their fingers together. "This is enough. I don't need to memories to know… I can't fight it anymore. It doesn't make sense, probably because I'm still missing all those pieces, and the pieces I do have are either blissful or hard, but this is how it is. This is what we have. This is what we want, Edward, isn't it?" He stayed silent, but his thumbs gently traced the lines of her hands. "I can't change how this is. I want to just run away and never look back so badly some times, but I would be worse for it. My gut keeps telling me that. I want to remember so badly, I really do, but for now, this is what we have."

He still did not speak. Another flash of lightning followed by booming thunder filled the room. "Edward," she said, her voice low, "say something." Instead, he looked up and leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly against hers.

"Something," he mumbled, his face still against hers. She moved forward, pressing their mouths together more firmly this time. They pulled away, keeping their foreheads touching, as they stared into each other's golden eyes – his like liquid topaz, hers stained slightly red. "I thought the whole reason we're going to see Charlie is so that you can remember?" he said breathlessly.

"I do need some of those memories. But you and I can function without them. That's all I'm saying."

They kissed again, adding more pressure as they dared, keeping their hands interlocked. And as the storm passed them by, they watched out the window. It was complete night outside, the sky thick and black with clouds. There was no differentiation between where the treetops ended and the sky began. The first of many nights passed by, the two of wrapped in each other, watching the world get older.


	8. Speed

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Eight – Speed**

"Yes I realize what this means, Alice, be quiet." Edward could always count on Alice to overreact. She was hopping up and down, her hands over her mouth, trying to cover an excited grin, or maybe keep from screaming. Then she stopped and slapped him. "Ow. What was that for?"

"You know what that was for."

"Look, I have two choices here."

"Wrong, you have three," she cautioned.

"Fine. I have three. I can tie her up and hold her against her will until we leave; I can keep telling her no and have her sneak out of here only to potentially kill Charlie; I can go with her, make sure nothing too risky happens. I'm sorry, but I'd rather go with number three. Especially considering what happened last night. I can't risk losing that over a silly fight."

"Edward, it is not silly. You are putting Charlie's life at risk and you know it."

"I have faith in her. I have to, Alice." Alice's jaw was set tight and her tiny arms were crossed over her chest. This was her natural disapproval pose.

"Right. Now, where is she and why isn't she telling me every damn detail?" Alice said, giving herself over to the excitement. "After what I saw, I'm surprised the two of you haven't had Carlisle surgically attach you at the hip."

"Alice, you're getting your visions and your hallucinations mixed up again," said Edward. He could hear every idea about the night he and Bella spent together pass through Alice's head, and it was unbearable. Half the things she was picturing, he wanted to do to Bella, there was no question of that, but it was embarrassing enough knowing that Alice could practically read his mind on this matter. "Would you mind controlling your thoughts just a little bit around me?" he asked. Her thoughts had jumped from Edward and Bella to herself and Jasper.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Morning, Bella."

"Hi, Alice." Bella walked into the room, fresh from a shower. Loose strands of wet hair were still plastered to her forehead, and her scent pushed every other smell out of the vicinity. "Edward." Once at his side, their hands immediately knitted together.

"Have I already told you how stupid your idea is?" Alice chirped.

"No, but Edward has. In fact, I'm surprised he even shut up about it."

"Bella, you could get Charlie killed. Even if you don't remember him, you can't want that."

"I trust Edward."

Alice shook her head violently. "Bella, I can't see what's going to happen today. I can see you going, and I can see you when you find Charlie, but after that, there are too many possible choices. I'm worried about that."

"Please don't be," Bella said, moving to give Alice a small squeeze. As her hand left Edward's, he froze, stiffening on the spot. He narrowed his eyes at Alice, and she tried very hard to ignore him.

_She doesn't trust him half as much as she thinks she does. She's still afraid he's going to leave her. She might believe he'll hold her back from hurting anyone, but only because he feels guilty._

"Alice, watch yourself, please," Edward growled. Her thoughts were all too true. Even with the breakthrough the night before, there was still some hesitancy to each of Bella's movements around him. It almost seemed like she was afraid that one wrong twitch and he would disappear, a fantasy. Alice began talking to Bella about some new clothes – after a month of borrowing from the Cullen women's closets, she needed a wardrobe of her own.

Alice's thoughts were much more interesting to Edward, so he slipped out of the room and listened intently to those. _I know you're spying on me, and I can't help what I'm thinking. Would you please just go talk to Emmett about something useless and let me play dress-up?_

Edward sulked away, wandering. Emmett and Rosalie were – well, he immediately tried to tune them out. Jasper was reading a Civil War novel intently, though trying to focus on not sending waves of anxiety throughout the house. Esme was outside, tending to her garden. Carlisle, of course, was at work.

He ended up at the piano. He began with something he had written recently – Esme described it as sad but hopeful, knowing full well what the subject was – then transitioned into Bella's lullaby. It was too difficult to play it in the time between their kiss and the woods and their kiss in his room. Now, it slipped off of his fingers with ease, flinging itself across the keys. By doing this, he could lose himself completely in the music and lend himself to the memories she might never have. Nights he spent cradling her when she cried out in her sleep, stolen glances in the middle of class, and innocent kisses knowing that Charlie was on his way home: all things he would hold forever, but she might not.

But she herself had said that it didn't matter as much, even if she wanted those memories as desperately as she did. They had essentially an eternity together, assuming… well a lot of things. The point was that they could create new memories, and still be happy without being able to share the old ones. It sounded simple enough, even if it wasn't.

Playing always got him completely lost. He didn't even notice that he wasn't alone until Bella slid onto the bench beside him, hands in lap. The song finished with the final flourish and he dropped his fingers to her balled up fists, prying them apart and holding them in his. Her head leaned against his shoulder, and he pulled her close. "That's mine, isn't it?" she said.

"Yes. Completely and utterly."

"Question?" He nodded against her, motioning to continue. "What's all this about tying me up?"

"That depends on which scenario you're referring to."

"When we go to see Charlie."

"Not tying you up, per se. My plan was to take Emmett's Jeep, which has a lot of confusing buckles. Should slow you down if you lose control. Enough for me to be able to restrain you and get us away."

"So we'll be in the car the entire time?"

"That's the idea. You plan on fighting that?" Edward pried, looking down at her. Bella bit her bottom lip, mulling it over. "No? I'm surprised."

"I guess it makes sense," she said. Her nose wrinkled as she spoke.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Would you stop asking me that? I'm not changing my mind. You, of course, are welcome to change yours, but I'm not." Edward leaned over to kiss her. The sensation was intoxicating, leaving him wanting more. Before, their kisses had been tame for the sake of Bella's safety – one wrong move, and he could have lost all control; now they were similar, but for a different reason entirely. Bella could be the one to lose herself, to revert back to her ever-present primal senses and vanish.

"I'm not changing my mind. I promise," he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Her eyes were adoring, although it was obvious that she was trying to figure out his thoughts. She was calculating the look in his own eyes, which he had learned how to mask perfectly. The truth of the matter was that he was worried sick, and he didn't want Bella to know exactly how deep that anxiety ran. As worried as he was about Charlie's safety, he could not escape the nagging feeling that he would lose Bella in all this. She was nowhere near stable, and the possibilities of how she would react were endless.

But she was putting some trust in him and he had to do the same for her.

"So when do you want to do this?" Edward asked finally, though he would have been content to gaze into her eyes without speaking for hours.

"Today." That surprised him, enough to push her away slightly and turn back to the piano.

"Bella, are you thinking everything through?" he asked darkly.

"What's to think through?" she said in an attempt to come off as nonchalant. Edward heard a slight hint of anxiety in her voice. He had a choice to either capitalize on that or let it slide. "Edward, I trust you. More importantly, I trust myself." Once again, she didn't sound exactly convincing. "I don't think I could hurt Charlie. I just have this feeling that I couldn't do it."

"Fine. But you're not going in the house, you know that, right?" Bella bit her lip and didn't look at him. "Seriously?" He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Bella, I'll go along with this, but that is absolutely absurd. You can't go in there."

"What if he's not home? Or if he leaves?"

"Bella, no. I am putting my foot down on this. I can't let you go inside that house." Bella, ever the stubborn one, crossed her arms and pouted. At first, Edward passed it off as a show, but a low growl started deep in her throat. He responded with a glare and a quick snarl.

In a second, she was off the piano bench and out the door. "Bella," he sighed, going after her. She had stopped right outside, staying on the front steps. "Was that completely necessary?"

"What if this is my last chance, Edward? How am I supposed to pass it up?"

"It won't be," he said, pulling her into an embrace. She buried her face against his shoulder. "Bella, maybe you're not meant to have those memories now, I don't know for certain. I do know that they'll come back to you eventually."

"You've said yourself that you don't remember very much from when you were human. And Alice…"

"Don't use Alice as the model. She had a very difficult human life; it makes sense that she wouldn't remember anything about it when she woke up. But Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle – they all remember their human lives well enough, and it took time. Memory came in bits and pieces."

"But they remembered who they were and what their lives were like without having to be told. They had enough memories to know what they were after that. I didn't. I don't get any of that. They remember how they were changed, what happened before."

"No, not really. We know what we were told about their changes, with the exceptions of Jasper and Carlisle. They were the only ones who weren't already dying when it happened, so they remember exactly how much more clearly than any of us will."

"I wasn't dying either," Bella said flatly. Edward stroked her hair lightly, and she didn't seem to want to move out of his grip. It was amazing how calm he felt, holding her.

"The point is, Bella, that even with those memories, our lives continue. Human memories fade to the point where they're just stories. So you not having them doesn't matter. You'll remember the stories of your life much more clearly than your life itself." After she was silent for a while, he realized what a stupid mistake he had made. This was not the comfort she needed. She had gone stiff in his arms and refused to make a sound or move an inch. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant…"

"I need those memories," she spat, "for reasons I don't think you understand."

"Then explain them to me, Bella." They stood facing each other now, Bella glowering, Edward thoughtful.

"I don't know how to. I'm sorry. It's like there's something missing at a very basic level, and if I don't figure out what that is, I'll never be me. I don't care if it's completely irrational if I can't be whole without it. Does that make sense?" There were several points he wanted to argue, but thought better of it.

"Barely. But I'm not going to fight you this time," he said as he cupped her chin in his hands, "because I don't want to risk losing you. Not now. If you say you need to find something at Charlie's, then we'll go to Charlie's. I will follow wherever you need to go until you feel at peace. Does that make sense?" She nodded, pushed to her tiptoes and kissed him lightly. He drew her closer, pressing their bodies together.

Far too soon, she took herself out of his arms, though she still clutched his hands, and whispered, "Let's go, then."

--

The car ride was torture for both of them. The anticipation and anxiety buzzed in their ears, and it seemed as though Edward could not get to Charlie Swan's house fast enough. Whereas once Bella would have shrieked at him about the break-neck speeds, she now was quiet in the passenger seat. He did slow down as they approached the house, wondering if Charlie would even notice them.

That last thought didn't even matter in reality – he wasn't home. His cruiser was not parked in front of the house, and Edward couldn't hear any of his thoughts inside. Edward put the car in park and turned to Bella. "This is it," she murmured, more so to herself than to Edward. She reached out for his hand, and he took it silently.

Minutes passed. Finally, Bella removed her hand and started unbuckling herself.

"Exactly what do you think you're doing?" Edward asked, his hands flying to her arms to hold her back. She pushed them off with ease and continued to unbuckle herself, going more quickly this time.

"I'm going inside."

"No, you're not." Edward was out of the car in a flash and at her door, blocking her path. In her daze, she was incredibly slow.

"Edward, let me go," she hissed, glaring at him. There was the possibility that she would vanish, he knew that, but he also knew that if he stood his ground, she wouldn't be able to get by. If she tried to get out the driver's side door, he would see it open and go after her as quickly as he could.

"Bella," he began, but she shoved him suddenly, knocking him to the ground. As soon as he touched the ground, he was back on his feet, but she was halfway across the lawn.

"Are you coming?" she said over her shoulder. Edward braced himself and followed after her. They met in front of the door, Bella scrutinizing every millimeter of it. She had no idea where the key was, Edward realized. In one motion, he produced it from its hiding space and opened the door. "Thanks," she muttered. If she still could, she would have been blushing.

Once inside, the familiarity hit Edward like a ton of bricks. Charlie had not moved a thing in the past month, and Bella's scent was still strong enough to make his head swim. Beside him, the actual Bella completely stiffened, barely breathing. Her eyes scanned everything wildly.

Edward had no idea what to do - a very rare situation. Because her mind was completely closed off, there was no way of knowing what her thoughts were. He couldn't decide whether to comfort her, get her out, or slap her. It was then that he noticed her whole body was shaking. Even if it wasn't what she wanted, he couldn't hold himself back now. "Look at me," he commanded, turning her to face him. Something plagued her eyes that had not existed before. "We can leave." There was no answer, just the continued alien look. He tugged at her arm, trying to pull her out the door.

With a start, she jumped back into a crouch and hissed. In turn, he tensed and narrowed his eyes. "Stop this, Bella, now." As if on cue, she relaxed and stood up straight, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry. It's just… the scent… how do you deal with this?"

"It takes practice. Try to breathe. It'll get easier." She took a few deep breaths, taking in the human scent of the place. "Since we're already here, do you want to see your room?" There was slightly less venom in his voice than he would have liked, but he let it pass when she nodded. Taking her hand, he led her up the stairs. The door creaked slightly as it opened. Charlie kept it firmly shut at all times, it seemed. Just like the downstairs, everything was practically the same. If he closed his eyes, he could picture the exact way her cheeks lit up bright red, the way she tried to hide it with her hair. Every memory of her clutching on to him in the night weighed heavily on his mind.

Bella was having an entirely different reaction. Where his was calm and wistful, hers was wonder and awe. "This is what my life was like?" she asked.

"I don't know if that's how I would put it, but this was your room, ever since you were a baby."

She floated around the room, brushing her fingertips over anything and everything. In the comparatively less rushed atmosphere, Edward was able to take in the slight changes that he hadn't noticed a month earlier. There were no CDs anywhere, and near her computer was a ripped-up metal box. After a second, he realized it was the stereo his family had gotten her for her birthday. Of course, Bella wouldn't remember how it got there, so he had to bite back his questions.

He focused on watching her reactions. It was strange, the way she walked. Her feet were more delicate, stepping lightly around the room, as though she were walking on needles. Too afraid to speak, he settled on just watching her. She circled the room a few times before her brow furrowed.

A short way down the road, he heard tires crunching on the road, and the buzz of Charlie's faraway thoughts entered his head. "Bella, we have to leave, now," he said, grabbing her arm. If he ran fast enough, Charlie might not see them as they fled the house – but he would still see the Jeep outside. It didn't matter, he had to get Bella out of there.

He could have sworn she was just in his grasp, but she was halfway across the room, staring at the bedroom's open door with her head cocked to one side. In a swift motion, he grabbed her and held fast, pulling her out the window. She wouldn't be able to catch up at the speed he was planning to run, so he flung her over his shoulder as he jumped.

The ground beneath them was soft from rain and made a squelching sound as he landed. But the weight was off his back, and he was uncharacteristically tumbling across the lawn. He snapped up with grace, immediately protective of Bella.

Bella was stopped dead, staring in Charlie's direction. He hadn't seen her yet, but in a few seconds, he would look up. "Bella," Edward hissed. She looked like a statue with the exception of her clothes, which billowed only slightly in the wind. He had no choice, but to tackle her down and get them hidden. How much longer until Charlie saw them?

He got his answer immediately. _Bella. It's her._ Charlie's voice was rife with anguish and elation, seeing his daughter. He got out of the cruiser slowly, barely able to believe his eyes. "Bella," he whispered under his breath. She still had not moved, and Charlie still hadn't seen Edward.

"Bella," Edward called again, but at a level he knew only Bella would hear. She did not respond, nor did she seem to relax at all. A smile flickered across her face for a split second. "Bella, don't," he yelled as she took off, running toward Charlie.

He slammed his body into her, knocking her to the ground. She barely even rolled when she regained balance, stopping again. This time, she looked from Edward to Charlie, wondering which to attack first – prey or obstacle. The look of relief on Charlie's face was quickly turning to a purple anger when he saw Edward, but after that, it was pure confusion. Bella was hunched, snarling emptily at him.

"Charlie, get back in your car and drive as fast and as far as you can," Edward said, loud and fast.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie yelled.

Bella moved again, running towards Charlie, but Edward had anticipated it, tackling her again. He held onto her tight, forcing her to look at him. "Charlie, get out of here," he snarled, trying to keep Bella down.

"Let me talk to my daughter, Edward," he warned, though his voice shook a bit. Edward could hear him debating whether or not to get closer.

Then, Bella did it. She was gone from Edward's arms. Charlie swore very loudly behind him. First priority was Charlie. He picked him up easily and shoved him into the cruiser, and then got behind the wheel and slammed the driver's door shut. He threw the cruiser into gear and shot off down the road.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie yelled again.

"You sound like a broken record," Edward said, scanning the road as he spoke. Where had Bella gone?

"What the hell are you?"

"I'm Edward Cullen. I used to date your daughter."

"I know that, you dumb bastard. How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Put me in the car like that?"

"You were already in the car, Charlie. You got in when I told you to." Edward spun the wheel quickly as he sped off down the road. It was beginning to rain.

"Wasn't that Bella?"

"No, Charlie, your daughter is missing. I realize that this is a very trying time for you, it is for all of us, but…" Edward slammed on the brakes suddenly, making both he and Charlie lurch forward. The scream of metal bending and settling, the pop of the breaking glass filled his ears completely as the car wrapped around a heavy object standing in the center of the road. He flung his arms over Charlie and pulled him out of the car before he could get hurt. The whole ordeal took only a few seconds.

He was running with Charlie on his back in the opposite direction. The crazed look in Bella's eyes as he slammed on the brakes was exactly what he had feared seeing. He was losing her because of his own weakness.

_No, don't think that. She can come back. You can bring her back, Edward_, he thought to himself. _She came back once. This is just a slip-up. It was bound to happen. She'll come back. She'll come back_.

Bella was pursuing him, directly down the now-slick road. He had the option of ducking into trees and hopefully redirecting her back to the house, although there was the chance that she would get bored and circle back to town for an easy meal. He couldn't bear that thought. His only other option was to stop and face her, trying to talk her down. He doubted it would work, but Alice had to have seen this and the rest of the family would be on their way. Alice had to have seen this. She had to.

So he stopped, placed Charlie on the wet pavement, and turned to face Bella as she ran towards them. Charlie was stunned into silence behind him, staring up. About a hundred yards away, Bella slowed to a walk, a monstrous grin spread across her face. Even then, she looked incredibly beautiful.

"Bella, you don't want to do this," he cooed, "you've been fighting against this. He's your father."

"I'm just so hungry," she said, the strange grin still there.

"I don't want to have to stop you, but I will," he said, keeping his voice even. He clutched his hands behind his back. The object was heavier than it should have been, making his arm ache.

"I'm stronger than you, Edward. And you can't protect this entire town." Bella was not gone, she was still there, she would remain there – the beast in her had taken over for a while. She could fight it back, he knew she could, at least that's what he told himself. But he had barely trusted himself the day he had met her, even with eighty-odd years of practice. She was a newborn, and the thirst was overpowering every one of her senses at the moment. "I'll get what I want eventually."

She started running towards them, almost a blur. But Edward was faster. He picked his arms up, even though it hurt every inch of his body to do so, and pulled the trigger. The bullet bit into Bella's knee, knocking her to the ground. She screamed in agony, writhing on the wet ground.

The gun clattered to the ground beside him as the rain fell. Charlie had all but lost consciousness. Edward had her in his arms, clutching her tight to him as she hissed and screamed. The pain would pass very soon, and the wound would heal within a day. "I'm sorry," he repeated into her hair, muffling the sound. His family's voices were filling his head as they got closer, but he could not bring himself to move, let alone think about what he had done.


	9. Resurrection

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Nine – Resurrection**

Bella was trapped, simple as that. She was watching herself hunt down this man – her father – and she couldn't stop it. Every time Edward stopped her, she could feel him, but she could not control her reactions.

She hadn't even seen the gun, and had barely heard the crack as the bullet left the barrel when it hit her. Then, she was very aware of the ground beneath her, the rain falling on her, and the bullet snaking its way through her body. She hadn't known that bullets could affect vampires. For one very brief second she could feel the switch in control from monster to child.

After that she was in his arms. He was apologizing over and over, afraid to let go.

--

It was two days before Bella came out of Edward's room. Two days, barely speaking, though Edward knew she could. Two days without allowing Edward to let go of her. Two days of lying on the floor, curled up against his chest, trying desperately to forget. Two days, watching each others' eyes grow blacker in the quiet.

He told her that they had set up the scene to make it look as though Charlie's car went off the road and hit a tree, throwing him from the car; the hospital was taking good care of him, and between the accident and his own grief, nobody believed that he had seen Bella.

The pain from the bullet was gone within an hour of being shot, and her knee was practically the picture of health by the time she got up, the only remnants being a tiny white scar on either side.

Over those two days, Edward would have refused to leave her even if she had asked. The thought of not being able to hold her sent shivers down his spine and left him wondering if she would be more of a wreck. He had never heard of a vampire being taken down with a bullet, mostly because the majority of his kind was quick enough to know when a human was about to fire on them.

There was no foreseeable way to forgive himself.

The thoughts of his family were constant in his head – it felt as though he were in two places at once. Everyone had decided to leave as soon as possible after Bella calmed herself. There was too much risk in staying in Forks for the time being. Occasionally, he would whisper updates in Bella's ear, and she would nod, and he would kiss her forehead.

She did not tell him about the memories. He couldn't be sure if she found anything in the house – the look on her face had been frustrated and lost. He wanted to tell her that she could easily go on without the memories, but there was no way she would listen to him.

The day she finally sat up and pushed him away, he couldn't hold back his curiosity much longer. "Bella, when we were in your room-" he started, but she cut him off by pressing her lips against his, kissing him hungrily. He kissed her back, opening his mouth and pressing their bodies close.

She continued to deepen the kiss, but a hint of desperation filled the minute space between them.

As much as he wanted to give in to her, there were problems that needed sorting. He pulled back, feeling his chest empty out slightly with the motion. "What are you doing?"

She didn't answer, only leaned in to kiss him again. He turned his head away. "What's going on, Bella?" he asked after making sure she wasn't about to jump him again.

"Nothing, just forget it."

"Bella, talk to me."

"Is it odd that I don't really feel like talking?" she snapped. He noticed that she was sort of floating pointlessly around the room, hugging her arms to her chest.

"No, it isn't," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "But we have to work together here. I love you, and I need you to talk to me."

"Don't say that," she mumbled. If she were still human, she would be on the verge of tears. "How can you say that?"

"What? I love you." She immediately cringed. "To be honest, I sometimes wish I didn't love you so thoroughly. It shatters me, and sometimes I feel like everything I'm doing is hurting you, even though I'm doing it out of love."

"I'm a monster," she said under her breath.

"Never say that." He turned her to face him, eyes stern. "You are anything but. You are beautiful and fragile, but never a monster."

"You were there, Edward. You saw what I did… to my own father. How the hell does anyone normal do that? Except I forgot, I'm not normal." Her voice was rising as she spoke. "You said it first: we're monsters, Edward. We're soulless, and we don't get any redemption. And I wish with every fiber of my being that this had never happened to me. That I weren't what I am. I want to let go."

Her words were surprisingly sobering. This was the reaction he had been waiting for since the beginning, for her to denounce what she was – what they were. He was also surprisingly prepared.

"Listen to me, and listen carefully," he began, taking her chin in his hand. "No matter what happened with Charlie, you are not a monster. There is a monster inside you, but you have complete control. It might never go away, but it will be quiet and submissive. But these things take time, Bella. Your memory, your control – you can't get them back overnight. All I am asking is that you stay with me, you stay sane. I swear to you that I will not let you slip away. The moment I held you after your change, I knew I could never let you slip away from my grasp again.

"We're both going to make mistakes, but we're rebuilding, Bella. I will do my damnedest to make sure that you don't fall too far. I'm not letting you slip, and I am not letting the beast take control. I will be here with you every step of the way. Please, just trust me enough to know that." Her gaze dropped, and he let go of her.

"You told me… we're monsters."

"You remember that?" he asked, forgetting that she had already said this. Bella nodded, looking back up at him. "Bella, when you were human, I wanted you to live your life as well as you could, to enjoy every experience you could while you could. The entire time, I was ready for you to join me. Eternity can look so very bleak when you're alone.

"However, you and I were two very different beings. Everything you did reminded me of that, and there was a part of me that was unwilling to see you lose your humanity. Years of boiling in self-loathing, of not fully comprehending who I was, made me shy away from making you one of us.

"And yes, truth be told, each of us has that monster dwelling within us. We all keep it in check, and we all live happy lives. I lived, really lived, for the first time when I was with you, and the monster was at bay. It's not going to change, not for either of us. Circumstances may, but the important thing is that we help each other."

"That was a very convincing speech you made," she said, though she didn't sound convinced.

"Bella, please tell me what's on your mind?" he begged, trying to get her to look him in the eye again.

"What if I'm not good enough?" she asked in earnest, eyes full of fear. "What if you and your family can… and I… I'll give in. I just know it. And I don't deserve it."

He had no idea what she was talking about now. She was babbling like an idiot, horrified that he would want to leave her. Not now, but someday, when he saw how imperfect she was. The longer she spoke, the harder he shook his head, until he couldn't listen anymore and cut her off. "Bella, believe me, if one of us doesn't deserve the other, it's me. All of this – your change, Charlie, your state of mind – it is all completely and utterly my fault. If I hadn't left, you would be safe. Granted, you would still be human, but you would be safe."

There was no guarantee that he would be guilt-free though. In that scenario, he would wonder constantly what their lives would be like if he had been selfless and left. He could see no way out.

"So this is what our life will be like, for the rest of… forever? You'll constantly feel guilty about me, and I'll constantly feel like I'm an abomination," Bella said after a short silence pressed on their ears.

The truth of her statement stung: lemons on a fresh cut. He wanted to say no, to tell her that would never happen, but it made perfect sense. It was exactly the way the two of them were headed. Never had he thought vampires had souls, but he saw their future laid out in front of them – their own personal hell.

"What if I promise never to feel guilty again?"

"That's not a promise you can keep."

Silence fell over them again, leaving a buzzing in his ears. Once again, she spoke an absolute truth. He couldn't avoid their situation, so they would have to meet it head on.

"Easy. Marriage counseling."

"We're not married."

"Not yet," he said with a coy smile. She hit him lightly on the arm.

"Please don't change the subject." The sun was coming up outside and the room was bathed in an otherworldly glow from the morning gloam. "Edward, are we going to be stuck like this forever?" He could picture the tears welling up and gliding down her cheek to fall to the floor – just a shadow of a memory for her. The need to tell her no was overpowering, but he could not promise her anything.

"No," he eventually said, though it did not sound as forceful or absolute as he hoped. "We both need healing. We will both heal." He emphasized and believed every word. Had they not been made for each other, made to spend all of forever with each other? Much as he felt this conversation was a resounding no, he could never deny the power he felt with her. He could never deny the complete emptiness he felt when she wasn't at his side. It was beyond love, wasn't it? It could overcome guilt or pain, transcend time.

He had been created solely for her, and her for him.

That's all he wanted to believe.

"So then why did you pull away from me before?" she asked, breaking through his thoughts.

"Because, Bella, I don't want you to come to me as a way to cling onto your humanity. I want you to love me because you do, not because you're desperate."

"I do, though. I can't help it." He smiled and ruffled her hair. "I love you," she murmured, pressing her lips to his. It was delicate and safe, the way they had been, but it thrilled Edward. "And I will try to trust you on all that."

After that, they left the room. Carlisle told them that they would leave that evening, and quickly hugged Bella, whispering in her ear that they all needed her, and that they were all there for her. She thanked him quietly.

--

It became increasingly difficult to think clearly around her. Every bit of him was filled with thoughts of her, memories of holding her. She was entirely his.

However, it seemed as though Bella's mood constantly went one way and then the other since her transformation. He couldn't blame her considering how much was happening constantly – she was better for a while, and then she stagnated, and then she got worse, and so on and so on. They were in a constant state of flux, and he had to watch for her to give up again.

Alice was trying to explain to him, again, what Bella's state of mind was after their family left. These mood swings were the fragments of her post-catatonic notion that he never loved her the way she loved him. She reassured Edward that Bella would truly mend and he would get past his guilt, leaving the two in the state they were meant for.

_Trust me, Edward, I know what I see_. So he tried to believe it.

The two of them were having this conversation privately – meaning within Edward's own head – so as not to disrupt the rest of the family. Everyone was chatting away, as though the past two days hadn't happened at all when Alice froze. Her eyes opened wide, terrified and met Edward's. He saw what she did before anyone else even noticed that she was having a vision.

"What is it, Alice?" Jasper asked, fear creeping into his voice. He felt the tension between his wife and his brother.

"Charlie's coming. He knows what he saw, and he wants answers."

"Well, we can't give him any," Edward said dryly, eyes only for Bella. He didn't want to risk her having a relapse – she might not return after that. "We leave, simple as that."

"Except he'll see that somebody's been here," Rosalie pointed out.

"How long until he gets here?" Emmett asked.

"About a minute. He just decided."

"That's enough time to at least get Bella and I out, the rest of you hidden," Edward said.

"No," Bella said quietly.

"Bella, are you insane? You can't stay here!" Rosalie erupted. "After what happened, do you really think Charlie's going to want to give you a hug and have you say you're sorry? You tried to kill him, Bella."

"Rose, you aren't helping," Emmett said, watching the look on Edward's face with caution.

Charlie was now close enough that Edward could hear his every thought – they were screaming above those of his family's. "We're getting out of here, now." He grabbed Bella's arm and tugged her to the back door. "Bella, please just listen to me," he whispered, feeling her struggle ever so slightly. She took a deep breath, and let him pull her away.

Carlisle and Esme were staying in the house, trying to hide any traces of their habitation from Charlie's eyes. Emmett and Rosalie were to hide in the trees, waiting to watch his every move, and Alice followed Edward and Bella, accompanied by Jasper, ready to tell them of any changes in Charlie's plan.

The four of them ran, breaking apart only to dodge around trees. It wasn't a full out sprint, because none of them could fathom going too far. They slowed to a stop, and Bella flung herself into Edward's arms. She didn't trust herself not to run back; she needed the comfort his figure offered her.

Everything went very, very dark for Edward. The far-too-familiar voice of Jacob Black was within reach, and he was sprinting straight for them. The rest of the pack was not far behind. "Alice, we have to move, now," Edward hissed, picking Bella off him and clutching her hand before running off in another direction. "The pack."

"They wouldn't break the treaty."

"They've already crossed the line." Their conversation was hushed, even as they ran. "They're going to break off – three of them after us, the other three to the house."

"Why?"

"You know how we thought nobody would believe Charlie? We gravely overlooked someone." Jacob Black and his thoughts poisoned Edward, allowed him to revert to a jealous rage. He had heard too much in the short time the dog's thoughts had been in reach. The way Jacob felt about Bella, the fact that Bella reciprocated on some level – pure devotion.

"Is he following us or going to the house?" Jasper asked a few yards away from Edward as he ran around a large rock.

"Who are you talking about?" Bella asked warily, slowing her run just a little. They couldn't afford to stop running, but Edward had no idea where they were headed.

"Bella, you have to keep running," he said, quietly ignoring her question. Bella slowed down even more in defiance.

"Answer me, Edward."

"I will answer you if you keep running," he snarled, pulling her hand so that she stumbled forward into his arms and his full-on sprint. "Jacob Black is convinced you're going to hurt Charlie. The pack believes we've gone back on our little agreement."

"What are you talking about?" Bella looked thoroughly confused.

She didn't remember Jacob, or the pack. None of it.

"I'll explain later, when you're safe," Edward whispered, pushing forward. Alice and Jasper were falling behind, but neither of them complained much. They understood Edward's priority – Bella – just as he knew that they would protect each other over all else in this situation. Surprisingly, Bella kept quiet, allowing him to continue to hold her as they ran.

"Aren't I slowing you down like this?" she asked, keeping tabs on his expression.

"You'd slow me down more if it weren't like this." He continued to run, ducking under leaves and narrowly escaping branches. Panic did not suit him.

"What about Carlisle and Esme? Or Emmett and Rosalie? Are they in danger?" Bella asked.

"They can take care of themselves," Edward replied flatly. Actually, he couldn't be too certain – the rest of his family had no warning. "Oh, God," he whimpered. If he hadn't been holding Bella and focusing on getting her away, he would've been smashing the trees around him.

"What?"

"We have to turn around."

One of the wolves' thoughts was especially troublesome. The dog's voice was hard and loud in his head, spitting threats about fire. They were going to burn the house down to draw Esme and Carlisle out.

There were still two wolves following Edward and Bella – the third one had broken off to go after Jasper and Alice. The three going towards the house all shared similar thoughts of unmitigated hatred. They would go at any lengths to let the Cullens know that the treaty was null, as far as they were concerned. Nobody would listen to reason, nobody would negotiate.

It was war the wolves desired. They would get a war.

* * *

**A/N:** So, Bella is essentially an emotional yo-yo. That went a little bit off my vision for this chapter, but I hope it works. Also, Edward's speech kind of goes off on weird tangents, but hopefully it makes sense. It makes sense to me, but I've been awake for almost twenty-four hours.


	10. Waltz

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Ten – Waltz**

They watched from the trees as Charlie pounded on the door of their home. Rosalie was brimming with anger, though it was more at the situation than anyone in particular. Over the past few weeks, she had come to view Bella as a real member of the family. Despite her reservations in the past, because Bella did not give up her humanity willingly, Rosalie began to respect her, and in time, almost love her.

Seeing Charlie here, at her home, reminded her of all the reasons she never wanted this life for Bella. Honestly, the reasons were more for herself and her life. She could admit now her jealousy, and was really trying to overcome it. The truth was that she envied Bella her life, and seeing the last piece that Bella had nearly willingly given up pushed her over the edge.

She kept having to run because of Edward's mistakes. And she was sick of it. She didn't care if he was close enough to hear her. He deserved to hear it.

It was his moronic decision to go.

Charlie was now circling the house. There was no getting rid of him – he was completely determined.

"Calm down," Emmett whispered, picking up her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. The wind picked up violently, tossing her well-made hair every which way.

They smelled it and tensed simultaneously. The dogs reminded her of too much sweat and not enough bathing – their scent was almost rancid. "Carlisle," Rosalie hissed into the empty air, hoping he would hear.

Almost immediately, both Carlisle and Esme were in front of the two of them. Panic was written all over Esme's face; Carlisle appeared calmer, but had a very apprehensive quality about him. "They're charging," he whispered. "We have to leave quickly."

"They'll follow us," Emmett said, clutching Rosalie close to him. Her anger had intensified tenfold, and once again she felt the need to blame her brother.

"Doesn't matter. I don't know how many are coming after us, or how many are chasing the other four. We can't risk a battle here – especially not with Charlie."

"We can take them. How many are there, six at most? Four of us, on our turf – piece of cake," Emmett said. He couldn't hide the broad smile, even though he knew the direness of the situation.

"Eight," Carlisle corrected.

"Okay, that's a bit tougher, but we can handle them."

"No," Esme said, a shrill element creeping into her voice. It didn't matter that she hadn't given birth to any of them – they were all her children, they had been for at least fifty years. Hearing her mother's panic, Rosalie was able to shake off some of her anger. "We don't risk it."

"Esme's right. We don't have much time until the wolves get here, so we go find the others. We regroup, we plan."

"Why are they doing this?" Rosalie asked, practically spitting the words.

"They see Bella's attack on her father as a breech of the treaty. Sam Uley has been looking for an excuse to attack since Alice returned. I imagine this means war."

"I could use a little bit of war," Emmett said. Normally Rosalie would find his goofy grin endearing, but she was still boiling with rage.

--

Edward and Bella were beginning to circle back, hoping that their pursuers wouldn't catch on and cut across. Of course, the two of them had the advantage of knowing the wolves' plans beforehand. They had a better chance of survival with their family than on their own.

"Alice, where are you?" Edward called, though in reality it was barely spoken.

_Carlisle and Esme are coming to find us with Emmett and Rosalie. Follow me, we should be meeting up soon_. Alice and Jasper were ducking in and out of sight a short way ahead. _You said there were six wolves out here. Where are the other two?_

"Later," he hissed, letting go of Bella's hand for the briefest moment so that he wouldn't slam into a tree.

The wolves were still following them, and were picking up speed. Once again, he scooped Bella up in his arms and sprinted full force towards Jasper and Alice. _Edward!_ The call entered his head from four different voices – the rest of his family was close.

"I can see them," Alice murmured as she ran to his side.

The three of them slowed, and Edward placed Bella on the ground next to him. The wolves were still close, and they couldn't afford to stop for long. The other three had picked up Carlisle's change of place and were running to meet up with Jacob and his group.

"So where are the other two?" Alice asked.

"They're protecting the reservation, in case we catch on and try to attack them there."

"As if two of them could stop all eight of us," Emmett scoffed.

"We need to get as far away from Forks as possible," Esme said, her voice lilting and quiet. "We were leaving anyway."

"And give them the satisfaction of having run us out of town?" Emmett was really enjoying the idea of a fight. In fact, most of them were. Even Carlisle looked to be gearing up for war.

"They'll follow us wherever we go. It doesn't matter how far. They have been waiting for this for a long time, so they're not going to back down because of something as simple as a few hundred miles." He paused. "They're getting closer. We have to move."

"We can take them, Edward," Emmett said. With the exception of Esme and Carlisle, this seemed to be the general consensus. Esme was worried, Carlisle was calculating. His sudden enthusiasm had melted away from his shoulders, and he was lost in thought. Thoughts that Edward could hear perfectly.

"No," Bella whispered. It was the first time she had spoken in almost twenty minutes, and the sound surprised Edward. Even now, he wasn't used to the silence where her thoughts should be.

"Bella, they're coming after us to kill you," Rosalie said venomously.

"No," she repeated with a much firmer voice.

"Bella," Edward sighed.

"I don't want anyone to die because of me."

"Well, we have to move quickly. They're almost on top of us," Alice hissed. "We either fight now or decide what to do when we get far enough away from them."

"We don't have a choice," Edward said. "We keep running, Bella, and they find us. It's inevitable. We fight now, we fight in a few hours – a few days. It doesn't matter. They'll catch up to us."

"Kill or be killed," Jasper said, surprisingly composed.

"I am not asking you to fight, Bella. But you need to understand that there will be a battle, no matter what we do."

The wolves were getting excited; they knew the vampires weren't moving.

"We run," she said, looking at Edward earnestly. "I can't bear to lose any of you."

"What about _them_?" Rosalie snarled.

"Not now, Rose," Emmett said, the boyish grin finally wiped from his face. "Run." He scanned the faces of the rest of his family before taking Rosalie's hand and flying off into the woods.

Edward grabbed Bella's hand and sped off. Carlisle and Esme were nearby, zigzagging around the brush. Jasper and Alice were not far behind, but closer to Emmett and Rosalie. The wolves were too close for comfort – he could hear them crashing through the forest, panting.

Everyone's thoughts were of their partners, of keeping them safe. But Edward tried to push them out of his head and focus on Bella and the gaining wolves.

_We need to split up, go in separate groups, try to split them up_, Carlisle thought, specifically for Edward. _We have a better chance of survival that way. Esme and I will go east, Rosalie and Emmett will keep going until they hit the road; Alice and Jasper can circle back around to the house, get the cars. You two go north, as far and as fast as you can._

As soon as Carlisle was finished, he could hear Alice and Jasper's reaction to her vision. She had seen each direction the Cullens split off in, though she still could not see the wolves' choices.

_All my love_, Esme thought as she and Carlisle rapidly broke off and sped eastward.

Edward pulled Bella closer to him, urging her to run faster while guiding her change in direction. She was still quiet and her face was drawn, but blank. He hated not knowing what she was thinking about, almost more so now that she was no longer human.

A minute or so later, one of the wolves swore very loudly, causing several of the others to snarl internally at him. Then they all realized that the Cullens had split up, and that they had to change formation. None of them were well-attuned to each of the vampires' individual scents, so they split off in four directions randomly.

It was just Edward's luck that Jacob happened to be following him.

Everything that Edward passed by blurred together; it was all one unending forest, and it seemed as though he had run around these woods far too often for his liking lately. Too soon, the thoughts of his family faded away as they got farther. He was still close enough to Emmett and Rosalie to hear an occasional idea, but that was about all. This wasn't a feeling he liked at all, being stuck in his head with nothing but a pack of wolves. Their ability to communicate fascinated him, really. They all spoke to each other in their heads, which came in handy for coordinating attacks. It made perfect sense, really, and would've worked well if any of the wolves had experience in attacking several targets at once. Their plans were awkward, and they were constantly yelling at each other about everything from missteps to stray thoughts.

As he ran with Bella alongside him, the one thought that stuck out the most belonged to Jacob. The wolf was making it clear that he still loved Bella, body and soul, but would kill her if he had to – even if it meant an eternity of self-loathing.

The rest of the wolves were sick of Jacob's inner turmoil, and several of them were thinking (though trying not to) that he needed to stop seething and pay attention to the task at hand. Sam Uley even threatened to send him back to the reservation. Jacob, however, had more emotionally invested in a vampire war than the rest of them. He yearned for some sort of vindication.

Edward was so concentrated on the wolves' thoughts that he barely noticed Bella's hand slipping from his grip. She was letting him go and slowing down. He came to a very abrupt halt, pulling her into him. "Bella, what are you doing?"

"Shh," she said, eyes alert and wild as she scanned the surrounding area. Jacob was alone, following the two of them without knowing which vampires they were, and he was not far off. Bella was looking for something, her red-tinged honey eyes wide. There was nothing to be seen – just the same perpetual green of the forest and the occasional hint of blue above. Birds flapped their wings in the treetops, and small animals scurried away from the two demons as fast as their little legs could carry them.

The longer they stood there, the closer Jacob came. To a human, he would appear almost silent as he ran through the woods, but to Edward, he was a bumbling, crashing idiot who could barely make his way through his own element. "Bella," Edward whispered, not noticing the slight hint of panic creeping over him. He would give her thirty more seconds, and then take her away by force if necessary.

She appeared so cool and collected as she closed her eyes. Jacob was gaining on them, and Edward fought the urge to pick her up and dash away. He had wanted a fight, yet he was standing here about to run. His head filled with two very opposite forces – the preservation of Bella and the ecstasy of battle. Very suddenly, Bella threw herself around him with all the force her body could muster, knocking him to the ground.

Everything suddenly felt very strange.

Edward was not attached to his body. His conscious mind was floating above him. Or his body was gone.

He could still feel the heaviness of the corporeal world, but something about him felt so free. The feeling passed after a moment, and he remembered where he was.

"Don't move," Bella mouthed, locking her eyes with his. Her hands were like iron fetters around his wrists, and he was pinned beneath her. The feeling of weightlessness was gone, but things still felt very surreal.

"Bella, what-"

She hushed him again, so he chose to focus on the sounds of Jacob advancing through the forest. The wolf was slowing down, and soon Edward could see him.

The beast was enormous, nearly twice his size, and covered head in shaggy russet fur. Its teeth were bared in a snarl that almost reminded Edward of a scowl. Above him, Bella's breath hitched and a strange look flashed over her face, marring it for the briefest of seconds. Did she recognize the wolf, or was it just fear?

At last, Edward understood. She had been hoping that her power would work on him as well, as long as she kept contact with him. That appeared to be the case, though her face became more and more focused and intense.

They were, in essence, invisible to Jacob Black.

Clearly, however, Bella had to concentrate on keeping Edward in her barely-there realm. Considering the frustration radiating off her, he assumed that she didn't even have to think to keep herself alone invisible. He tried not to dwell too much on her internal battle, and looked back at the creature sniffing the air a few yards away.

It stood on its hind legs and cast its glance around wildly. The snarl intensified, and it landed with a soft thud on the damp earth. Slowly, it began circling the area where Edward and Bella lay. Each tread of its paws was muffled against the ground, each step delicately placed, like a waltz. It continued smelling the air for some hint of their whereabouts. Jacob was calling for reinforcements via the pack's psychic channel. The vampires' trail had suddenly ended; he knew they were nearby, but there was no trace of them. One wolf in particular was irrationally angry at Jacob; another said that they couldn't split up anymore than they already had. The one that Edward assumed was Sam Uley, the pack leader, agreed, saying that this could easily be a trap of some kind.

As the wolf continued to pace and sniff, a debate was going on within the pack. Regroup and attack one-by-one or continue on their routes.

Edward was shaken to reality when Bella gasped above him. Her whole body was shaking with the effort of keeping them hidden, and her eyes pleaded with no one in particular. He didn't dare move in case it broke her spell. He hadn't even realized that he had stopped breathing until now.

Jacob was inching ever closer as he continued his dance around them.

Very suddenly, Edward lurched into the visible world and was on his feet, staring down a rabid-looking beast.

--

Normally so unnaturally graceful, Alice stumbled. Before she even had the chance to fall much, Jasper wrapped her up and set her back on her feet, clutching her hand even tighter than before.

"What did you see?" he asked as he watched the terrified expression on her face. He wanted to stop, to take her in his arms, to comfort her, but they had to keep running. There were two wolves not far behind them, and if they stopped, Alice's visions would go blank and they would lose their upper hand.

"Edward… and Bella… they've… ended."

"A wolf?" Alice nodded blankly. "Anyone else?"

"No." Her voice was taught. Neither of them had any idea of Bella and Edward's state – dead, alive, injured, in the midst of a battle. The wolves behind him and his wife still sprinted, following their trail. They were uncomfortably close, but neither he nor Alice had quite the speed of Emmett and Rosalie, let alone Edward needed to completely lose them.

"Do we go back?" Dragging Alice was slowing them down significantly, and he had to hit her lightly to keep her moving. It was not something he enjoyed doing.

"We have to…" Every time Alice put her life in front of her family's Jasper both loved her and hated her a little bit more. She was, in his eyes, absolutely perfect, but he wished that she would see how much he needed her, what his life would be like if he did lose her. Usually, she would see that too and immediately reassure him.

He tried to calm himself as he calmed her.

"I can't keep going this way without knowing, Jasper," she whispered finally.

Swiftly as he could, he changed their direction so that they would double back, to the north, and go find Bella and Edward. He could only hope that the rest of his family was safe, and that they could improvise a plan.

"Where did you last see them?"

"They were stopping. I don't know why. Then, nothing. They had no future. Nothing."

"We'll find them."

--

Rosalie and Emmett were all alone, with the exception of two wolves behind them. A few minutes ago, they had both noticed that their family had all veered off in different directions. While it bothered Emmett for only a moment that they weren't in on the plan, his excitement for the situation overpowered whatever malcontent he had. He wished he could say the same for Rosalie.

"Rose, just because we don't know exactly what the plan is doesn't mean we're not a part of it." She snorted beside him, leaping around a tree. "We're probably supposed to keep going the way we're going, and we'll be meeting at a common point. Try to get the wolves confused, you know?" She snorted again.

"They didn't tell us for a reason."

"No, I'm pretty sure that they couldn't. We were all spread out as it was."

"Right. It was inevitable."

"Rose, would you keep your voice down a little?" he pleaded, knowing that the louder she got, the more likely it was that their pursuers would hear. Definitely two of them, crashing through the woods. One of them sounded huge: every time he jumped and landed, the earth shook a little bit. Emmett loved that feeling.

He had to shake that thought off. Didn't want to be on the same level as a werewolf.

After about twenty minutes, they hit the pavement of the highway and ran across, safely avoiding the only two cars for miles. The sound of the wolves was drowned out by the cars' engines, but only for a while.

If they continued along the road, they had a chance of meeting up with whoever got the car – that would probably be Alice and Jasper. However, they had a chance of giving the wolves an opportunity to attack. So Emmett ducked into the forest on the other side, pulling Rosalie with him, and ducked around trees. He kept one eye on the road as they continued to run.

"I don't understand why we don't just turn around and fight them," Rosalie said. "Two inexperienced werewolves? You and I can handle that, easily." Emmett couldn't hide his smirk. "C'mon, Emmett, wherever the rendezvous point is, we'll be there. Can't we have a little fun while we're at it?" She was just trying to find a way to vent her anger, he knew that. He also recognized that voice all too well. It was sultry and seductive, and she used it to purposefully get him to do something he didn't really want to do.

In this case, he really did want to, though.

He tossed a grin at her and with ease, stopped and turned all in one motion. They stood for a few seconds, waiting to hear the oncoming wolves. A car whizzed by, but Emmett caught the faintest sound – something leaping through the air and landing with a thump to the ground. It came from a little ways down the road, on the opposite side. The wolves had not yet even crossed the freeway.

"Shall we?" he said, flashing his grin down at her. She smiled back, though it was more of a twitch at the corner of her mouth; she still worried about laugh lines from time to time.

They waited for the next car to zoom by before stepping out into the open air and staring at the opposite side of the road. The wolves weren't slowing down yet – they didn't even know that their prey had stopped. Or that their prey had suddenly turned into the predator.

Hand in hand, Emmett and Rosalie swept across the asphalt and into the other side of the forest, rushing towards their targets.

But they never met them. The wolves had changed direction – they were running deeper into the trees, already out of their reach. Running, presumably, towards other members of the Cullen family. Whatever had been the original plan was changing, quickly. Before even pausing a moment to think, the two of them were now running after the wolves, following them to their family.

--

Out of the corner of his eye, Carlisle watched Esme warily. She was trying to keep composed, but the anxiety was eating her alive. The thought of losing any of her children tore her apart, and he longed to reach out and tell her that everything would be fine, that they would each make it out alive. That this was a mere bump, not an obstacle. Unfortunately, he couldn't do so without stopping, and that put their lives at risk.

A single wolf was following them, rushing gracefully through the foliage and keeping close on their trail. It was almost as elegant on its feet as the two of them were.

At the same time, Esme would sporadically look up at Carlisle through hooded eyelids. Were she still human, she would be on the verge of tears by now. No, she would be a hysterical wreck. No, actually, that was a lie as well. She would be as composed as she was at that moment, though sick with worry, and she would do what she had to for her children.

Even though Edward couldn't have all of Bella, he was immensely happier than she had ever seen him. He practically beamed every time he entered the room lately, and even on the days when he seemed convinced that Bella would never love him back, there was something in the way he walked that hadn't been there before. He was almost happier than when Bella had been human because he knew they would have each other forever. Being a vampire was like being frozen for thousands of years – any change, no matter how minor, was essentially permanent. And for Esme, knowing that her loneliest son would never have to be lonely again, for the rest of her existence… well that filled her with more joy than anything else. Almost anything, she thought, eyes flitting back to her Carlisle.

So she focused on this. She focused on the idea that what was happening now would turn out well and that she would never again see Edward as empty as he had been.

This was for the love of her family.

"Esme," Carlisle said, coming to a very sudden halt and pulling her into him, "the wolves have turned around."

"What?" Panic crept back into her voice. She couldn't contain it. "Edward and Bella." He nodded slightly, somehow knowing what she could only guess. "We're going after them." Again, he nodded, and they began to run in the direction they had come.

--

Immediately, the wolf started pawing the ground with irritation and made to lunge at Edward. He was prepared to sidestep him, take Bella, and then run, but she was still unseen near his feet. The mass of fur snarled and pushed back on its heels, preparing to leap through the air, directly at Edward's throat.

Bella appeared directly in front of Edward, arms wide in a protective stance. "Jake, no!" she screamed. The way her power worked continued to confuse Edward, but he had no time to ponder. The wolf was screaming at top volume in his head and letting loose a weighted howl at the same time. Bella was looking up at it with no element of fear or even hatred.

The wolf turned and sprinted back before circling around and galloping directly at them.

Bella whispered, "Run." It was the last thing Edward heard before he picked her up with ease and took off, a lightning bolt leaving behind a cloud of dust, a ghost in the forest.

* * *

**A/N:** I just wanted to correct a few of my own mistakes I noticed. There was one point where I referenced Carlisle being at work, and they are supposed to be incognito, so that nobody knows the Cullens are back in Forks. So that makes no sense. I've forgotten all the other mistakes that I wanted to correct. Oh well. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and are eagerly awaiting the next one. Because the next one's going to be a doozy.

Yes, I know, you hate me for that.


	11. Cavalry

**A/N:** I want to apologize for how late this chapter was. Between my internet going down several times and computer crashes and human error, things got lost, delayed, etc. It was supposed to be up on Wednesday. The original draft got lost, and was about 6,000 words. Hopefully, however, this shorter draft is better. I've also come to the conclusion that there will be 15 chapters in the whole story. Without further adieu:

* * *

**When the House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Eleven – Cavalry**

All of the wolves were coming after him, from all different directions and distances. They would meet up and corner the two of them. He could see it.

For the first time, Bella looked truly afraid. She stared at the trees over her shoulder. When her hand clenched on his arm, he shot a glance behind him and instantly regretted it.

Jacob was racing after them, not even slowed down by the trees and bushes he barreled through. His tongue wagged out the side of his mouth, and his eyes were intent on Bella, yet somehow unfocused. The dog was going mad, and wouldn't listen to any of his pack members. They were all turning back for Jacob, not to take down Bella and Edward. If they could see him now, the way he pursued the vampires, they would know that Jacob was long gone, not coming back.

He understood almost perfectly the two opposing forces in Jacob's heart – he loved Bella, at the same time, nothing would give him more pleasure than to see her dead. She no longer represented the human he once loved, that was what he had been trying to tell himself. Edward understood.

Bella herself was still caught in a horrified trance, lost to her own confusion. Her honey gaze was still solely for the charging Jacob, who refused to actually look at her. He looked beyond her, or at Edward's graceful feet which glided across the forest floor, but never allowed his eyes to drift to her face. If he looked, another howl would rip from his chest, only an echo of his torment.

All Jacob heard was the sound of his breathing, heavy and hard, pounding against his ears. Nothing else in his head, not even the movements of the darting vampire ahead of him.

Jacob was all alone.

Edward could not shake him off their trail – every time he changed direction, Jacob was right behind him. While Edward went around and over obstacles, Jacob charged right through them, leaving a line of destruction in their wake. If he couldn't get rid of him, he could outrun him. Jacob would get tired long before Edward would, considering he was the only one who needed air in order to function.

He just had be the one to keep running.

He would be the one to survive.

Never once did the persistent sound of Jacob in pursuit silence. Options were leaking away from Edward; he had no ideas left. Either keep running or turn and fight. The animal in him wanted nothing more than meet his enemy face-on; in that case, Bella would fight to protect her mate, and the wolf couldn't win against two. It screamed in his head, gnawing its way out into reality. It was all he could do to fight it back.

None of that was true. Bella had made it clear that she did not want a fight. Whether or not that meant she would was unclear to Edward, but he had to think through every possible scenario. This was not just a game, not just another hunting trip: this was life or death. His. Hers. Jacob's. In a battle, it could easily go in any direction, work in anyone's favor. So he kept running. It would be a war of attrition if he fought – if any of them fought. The wolves were smarter than he gave them credit for – not that he wanted to give them any credit.

Once again, Edward lost himself in thought despite his best efforts to watch his path. The truth was that in this moment, he needed more than his instincts to guide him.

With just his instincts, he was on the same level as the dog.

Any vampire would cringe at that thought.

He tried to make a shift in his brain – half focused on running through the woods, the other focused on running through battle plans. At the most basic level, he knew, Bella would fight for him. By this point, neither could exist without the other. He thought. He hoped. Certainly he could not exist without her – the prospect of an eternity spent exploring every inch of her, body and soul, made his skin tingle; now that the idea was firmly planted in his head, the prospect of losing her meant losing himself.

His throat was being crushed. It jerked him out of his mind. Not Jacob. He would've heard that coming. Bella's arm tightened around his neck, and her whole body went rigid. It didn't bother him too much considering that he didn't need the air, but her hold continued to get tighter and tighter. He couldn't even turn his head to look glace up at her. "Bella," he whispered, barely above a breath. She jumped ever so slightly. Apparently, she had been lost in her own thoughts. Her grip loosened, and she fell slack against his back.

"I'm letting go." Her voice felt far away, though her mouth was soft against his ear. He wanted to beg her not to, but he had no control over what she chose to do. "Let me go." It was supposed to be a command, but it sounded like a plea, a mewl, reverberating through the empty spaces in his head. This was for his sake, not hers – she could easily drop from his shoulders without even telling him. That didn't mean her actions didn't kill him.

In a way it almost made it worse.

He let his fingers slide away from her legs, where he clasped her to him, and she dropped gracefully to the ground without so much as a thud. The monster within snarled and thrashed against his chest, begging to be unleashed on the wolf that still ran directly towards Bella. There was no sense of recognition of the beast's face – neither his nor the wolf's. His would have blissfully ignored the connection between Bella and Jacob, would have torn at Jacob's throat, would have stopped his final howl. Jacob's beast would easily do the same to him. In fact, it was going to.

Bella stood, surprisingly calm, staring down her fate: three hundred pounds of rabid, hairy flesh flying directly at her. Not even a flinch or a grimace. If he weren't so terrified for her, he would have been impressed.

Jacob pushed off and flew at her from a few feet away, and she still did not move a muscle. But Edward was losing the battle between staying calm and letting the beast take over. The second that Jacob was in the air, so was Edward.

The clash sounded like a sonic boom, a nuclear explosion. Something in Jacob cracked, making Edward smirk. Before he could gloat internally, a large set of very sharp teeth were gnashing at his throat. He was able to hold Jacob's maw in his two hands, keeping the mouth open and his neck out of it.

"Edward, no! Don't hurt him!" Bella shrieked, flying at them and tearing the two apart. She was stronger than both, but the task was still difficult. Even as her iron arms pushed them apart and held tight, they both struggled and grabbed at each other, trying to tear where they could. Bella was tumbling over Jacob now, trying to keep him down and out of Edward's reach.

Immediately, Edward was on his feet, snarling maliciously. His perfect white teeth were bared, flashing in the dim, foggy light. He paced a few feet away from Bella, who was trying to hold Jacob back, watching her with poisonous eyes. Jacob tried to throw himself at her throat, but she was easily fending him off. With a kicked, she tossed him a few feet into a tree, where he landed with a sickening and resounding crack. He was not so quick to his feet this time, and his chest heaved with the effort to begin sprinting at her again.

She put up her hands very simply, and threw him back again. "Please, stop this Jacob," she said, her breathing ragged. Edward could not see her eyes, but he imagined them brimming over with tears. In his mind's eye, they were still brown, still warm, and could still produce tears. The image wouldn't leave his head as he continued to pace behind Bella, watching her ever movement.

Not so much as a twitch.

Jacob lunged at her again, slower still. He appeared to be sore, moving with the same ferocity but holding himself gingerly. Once again, Bella barely even braced for contact as she caught him and threw him to one side. It wasn't without effort, but she made it appear completely effortless. The repetition – Jacob lunging, Bella catching and tossing, Jacob collecting himself – was so familiar to Edward. Attrition. It was so fresh in his mind. The knowledge that Bella was trying to wear Jacob down the way he himself had tried to wear her down merely a month earlier made his recently filled chest drain.

A distant buzz sounded in his unusually silent head. The pack was moving toward them, and his family was giving chase. All of it out of concern for loved ones. It was amazing, the burdens these people would bear. Every member of the pack was pushing themselves to the brink, trying to arrive at the scene before the Cullens caught up. The sound of the two-on-one battle could be heard for miles around, it was no wonder they had all heard it.

Jacob continued to crash into Bella unrelentingly, though each time it was with more hesitation in his lunge, less enthusiasm in his growl. He heard his pack mates, of this Edward was sure, but they didn't mean anything to Jacob. His mind was completely unfocused, hardly any thoughts passing through his head.

Paul arrived first, diving directly at Bella. Edward saw him coming and smashed his body into Paul's, sending the wolf flying through the air. Sam and Embry arrived next, both attacking Edward. Jacob still flung himself through the air each chance he could.

Emmett crashed into another wolf as they both came into view, followed closely by Rosalie.

And then everything was very still. The anger, the need to fight melted away from Edward's arms, down his legs and pooled at his feet. He felt light-headed, which came from wanting to feel angry but being unable to. _Dammit, Jasper._ He wasn't the only one thinking that.

Jasper was very good at controlling his power, but never had he needed to calm sixteen very angry, very feral beasts itching for a battle. Edward could not be sure of how long Jasper's effect would hold; if he was bristling with unrealizable anger, he could only imagine all of the wolves' efforts to buck Jasper's hold. The only one who looked unaffected in the whole group was Bella, who stood just as composed as before. As he often did, Edward found himself aching to know what was going on inside Bella's head – rather, he only thought he felt anxious, but in reality, every muscle in his body was relaxed and languid.

"There was no broach of the treaty," Carlisle said, stepping up to the wolf that Edward assumed was Sam Uley. All the wolves' thoughts were scattered throughout each other's heads. It was like tuning into a very specific radio wave. "No humans were harmed in any way."

None of the wolves seemed to want to change back into human form. _I know you can hear us, Edward_. The voice was from one of the wolves, and it sounded loud and clear above the general din of everyone else's thoughts. He scanned over the scene, trying to figure out which it was. _We are not phasing. Speak._

"The wolves are refusing to phase. They'll speak through me," Edward said, his voice surprisingly harsh. All eyes, except those of Carlisle and Sam, turned to stare at Edward.

"The treaty is – was – still intact when you tried to hunt us. No humans have been bitten, killed, or otherwise harmed. At least not by us."

As the words filled his head, again loud and clear over everything else, Edward blankly repeated them. "Charlie Swan was injured. Not only is he a citizen of the homes we swore to protect against you and your brethren, he has been a friend to the Quileute for years."

Carlisle never once took his gaze off of Sam. "Whatever injuries that Charlie incurred are through no fault of ours. On another note entirely, you were the ones protecting Bella when she was changed. This is just as much your doing." Edward growled in response. It wasn't that he wanted to, but now that he had tuned into their channel, he couldn't remove himself. He spoke for the pack, not for himself.

"If you want to point fingers, there's always the fact that none of this would have happened had you not come to Forks." Edward saw Bella cringe out of the corner of his eye, though the movement was minimal.

"This is true. However, what's done is done. Not a one of us can change any of what has happened – to us, to you, to Bella."

"You should have kept her in check."

"Yes, we should have. But no harm came to Charlie except a few bruises. The treaty was specifically set to bite, not small injuries. If anyone present broke the treaty, it was the wolves. We are ready to overlook that, assuming that you hear us out."

"Why should we?" Sam's words resounded angrily in Edward's head, but Jasper's calming effect still blanketed the area, making the words come out of his mouth thick but tranquil.

"Because we are prepared to rework the terms of the treaty." Carlisle was met with silence, though a chatter exploded in Edward's head. Edward glanced at his father, hearing exactly what the family's plan was. It made him nervous – well, as nervous as he could be in this state.

"We're listening."

"My family and I were preparing to leave Forks tonight. Our plan was to go north and watch over Bella until we felt she was stable enough to live among humans. Over the past few years, several of us have become attached to this place and view it as a veritable home. However, we are willing to return this territory to the Quileute. You call off this war, and we will leave Forks forever. You keep each other in check – nobody comes after us or Bella. As far as Charlie is concerned, he never saw his daughter."

Most of the wolves loved the idea. However, a few were still itching for the fight and Jacob, well, he was still absent. To Sam, on the other hand, it seemed too easy. The wolves were being given all they wanted, and the leeches lost out. He was certain that because they were both more experienced and probably stronger fighters, the war would have been hard, and he knew the vampires had all the confidence that they would win. There was a small argument happening within the pack, all playing in Edward's head.

It was then, though, that Edward noticed himself tensing. Everyone was. Jasper had let go, purposefully, to allow the wolves to speak with their own terms.

"Jasper!" Edward snarled, though he didn't get a chance to chastise him. Almost immediately, Jacob was running after Bella, both of whom were blurring in the distance. One of the wolves howled quickly before sprinting after them, with Edward not far off.

Behind him, everyone was assuming battle positions. The wolves were angry with Jacob for potentially ruining the new agreement, but even angrier with Emmett, who had already sprung into action. There would be no hope to salvage the new agreement now. But Edward couldn't worry about his family – they could hold their own. The sounds of battle breaking out echoed through the woods, but he had to take down Jacob Black.

--

She knew the creature.

She didn't know it, exactly.

But she did. She had to. Why did she recognize it?

Every time it flew at her, she was ready to toss it aside. Each time, it made her whole body quake with effort, but she did so almost seamlessly. She was prepared to wait for it to slow down, to not get up. The prospect of the creature being in pain hurt her more than its body flinging into hers, but if she did not do this, it would attack her without a second thought.

Then she was suspended. She recognized this feeling of calm, knowing it to be artificial, though it felt as real as any emotion she'd experienced. The creature stopped throwing itself at her, falling instead to a crouch. Its body heaved, trying desperately to breathe. It needed to, she did not.

It was so very different from anything else she had ever seen. Yet, every aspect was completely familiar.

She saw no reason why.

Now she was running blindly. The second that Jasper's spell had lifted, she knew the thing would once again launch itself at her without a pause. The sounds of its pursuit harrowed her, completely different now that she was not being led by Edward. She had to count on herself solely for survival.

The feeling – the loneliness – was so fresh in her mind, as though it were the most natural way for her to feel.

The sounds of the creature crashing through the trees behind her knocked her back into the realm of reality. This world, normally so peaceful, was being torn apart behind her. The green trees ahead of her might be uprooted and smashed after she passed them. This animal – the one she knew, but didn't know – was intent on killing her. Of that she could be sure.

She glanced back over her shoulder, looking only briefly. She couldn't take it. In an instant, she knew that she was gone, out of its view.

But she could not bring herself to keep running. In fact, she wasn't sure if she could stay unseen while moving like that. So she kept motionless, watching as the wolf came to a crashing halt. Once again, it sniffed the air, trying to trap her scent. It never got close to her, as though its subconscious told it that nothing was there.

Without warning, the beast whipped its head around, snarling in the opposite direction. It bolted away, bounding into the forest. Then, Bella heard whatever it had. The sounds of a struggle, and then a crash as something very large hit a boulder. Instantly, she sprinted from her spot, following the wolf as fast as she could.

She came to a large clearing, which was torn in half by a very sudden drop. At the bottom of a rocky cliff was a small gully, and then the forest continued on as far as the eye could see. A few feet from where she appeared in the trees lay the crumpled body of another, much smaller wolf. Its breath was shallow, and its blood still pumped, but it was unconscious in a heap, surrounded by jagged, broken rocks. Further away, her wolf and Edward were circling one another, glaring and hissing.

Before Bella could call out to either of them, the wolf launched at Edward, who caught it. The two were tangled in each other, rolling in the mud and gnashing at each other. Edward kicked the wolf off and stood, beginning the circling again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bella standing, horrified, at the edge of the clearing. Her eyes were deep and black and wide, watching a battle she could not understand.

The wolf either took noticed of Edward's distraction or else happened to strike at that exact moment, catching his arm in its powerful maw and pulling quickly.

Edward's scream tore through the quiet air. Bella stood, open-mouthed, unable to move or make a sound. The wolf shook the arm out of his mouth and dove at his prey again. With his still-intact right hand, Edward caught its throat and pushed at its torso with all the strength in him.

Not far from Edward, his arm was still moving. It clawed at the earth, picking up globs of dirt and muck.

He barely had a chance to stand before the wolf flew at him again, going for his throat. Edward easily side-stepped him, send the thing into a tree which buckled unceremoniously under its weight. His chest heaved, his legs shook, his jaw clenched, and his only hand clutched at the place where his arm had just been torn from his socket. With burning eyes, he watched the wolf collect itself. He could not look at Bella.

She was frozen, a statue at the edge of the woods. The scene in front of her was playing out like a movie – she was watching it, yes, but she was in no way a part of it. It was untrue. None of this made sense. What had she called the thing before? What had they referred to it as?

Jacob. Jacob Black. The name conjured up so many feelings for her – warmth, comfort, safety. Her personal sun. This was him. The sun. She had no real memories of him, just a sense that he was important. A sense of love. Nothing as intense as the feelings she recognized in Edward.

Jacob was gearing himself up to lunge at Edward again, who would easily sidestep him. Why didn't Edward just attack? Why didn't he avenge his lost arm, which still tried to get back to him? It was the same stony white as his intact body, it belonged to him. But for whatever reason, now that it was gone, his arm seemed some alien creature to Bella.

As Jacob flew at Edward again, Edward took a step to the left and wrapped his fingers in Jacob's fur, spinning him around and throwing him again. Jacob landed against another tree, and his dark eyes glazed over. He was still conscious, still fighting – he had no choice. This was live or die for him. He would not take a middle ground.

So why didn't Edward finish him? He was down an arm, but still had the strength and power to take Jacob's head off, to rip his heart from his body – any number of things. Urges for violence that Bella understood all too well. Edward simply stood, the look of an angry god plastered on his frozen face. Zeus had nothing on Edward. Yet he did not move; he did not attack; he did not attack; he remained.

While continuing to face the recovering and snarling Jacob, Edward's eyes met Bella's. They were equally black, both burning with some untold fire. His seemed so angry when they were on Jacob, but against Bella, they pleaded. His gaze was submissive, waiting for an order. Underneath, however, contempt boiled. His whole body shook with it, matching his rage peg by peg.

She broke their gaze, looking hastily back to Jacob. She did not know what he was asking. He continued to stare at her despite the fact that Jacob was on his feet again, ready to tackle Edward. Frantically, she looked from wolf to god and back.

Jacob was galloping, aiming directly at Edward's chest – Edward who refused to move, but continued to watch Bella.

She didn't know what she was doing. She met Jacob in the air, body slamming against his. It was so warm, it made her dizzy. He was knocked to the side, but still on his feet, trying to decide who to attack.

"Jacob," she murmured. He did not stop.

Almost with complete ease, she caught him and threw him. Over the edge. Into the gully. He curled into a ball of fur and did not move. His heart beat frantically, fluttering about in his chest.

She turned to Edward and gathered him in her arms. For once, she would be the one to comfort him as he collapsed. "We can't stop here, Edward, please." The words were raspy and foreign sounding. Her head pounded, her heart screamed and kicked and swore at her. Bits of her were falling off, but she had to take Edward to Carlisle. His unattached arm still squirmed against the damp dirt, trying to make its way back to him. Still keeping one of her arms around his shoulders, making sure she wouldn't lose him, she leaned over and grabbed it. She felt incredibly morbid doing so, but she didn't know what else could be done.

The most natural thing to do was to clutch Edward to her, to kiss his forehead, and to push the thought of Jacob out of her mind.

The clouds drifted overhead, and the surrounding forest fell quiet once more.


	12. Graveyard

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters, and only hope that I won't be sued for forgetting my disclaimer the past 10,000 chapters.

**A/N:** What's up with Fanfiction not working properly? 'cause I haven't been getting any notification e-mails. Oh well. Only three more chapters to go. Thank you everyone who has read this and made this fun for me to write.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Twelve – Graveyard**

Alice was the first to the clearing, and two wolves were directly behind her – limping, but not poised to attack. Carlisle, Esme, and Sam were next, followed by more wolves with Jasper and Emmett.

The light fell down from the sky, fractured by heavy grey clouds, and bathed Edward and Bella in a strange glow. It was as though they had been captured in a camera, a forbidden moment. Nobody really wanted to intrude; nobody was sure they could. But this had turned into a disaster zone.

One by one, the wolves phased, ignoring the fact that they were buck naked while the Cullens were completely clothed. Embry and Quil rushed to the unconscious body of Paul, trying to wake him. Carlisle could hear Jacob's shallow breaths, and pointed to the small cliff. Instantly, Sam and Jared began to climb and jump down to where Jacob lay.

All of the Cullens remained cautious as they approached Edward and Bella. The two of them stared unblinkingly into one another's coal-black eyes. Edward had a hand tangled in Bella's hair, holding her in what at first glance appeared to be a caress, but Carlisle could see his knuckles straining with effort. Similarly, one of Bella's hands stroked the side of Edward's cheek absently, though it carried a pained air. Her other hand clutched to a twitching piece of stone.

Alice gasped behind Carlisle and ducked her head into the crook of Jasper's shoulder when she realized. Bella was holding Edward's arm. It wasn't attached to his body.

It took a simple breath for Carlisle to be at his son's side. "Edward, I need to take a look at your arm," he said, feeling as though he sounded incredibly stupid. Very rarely did he feel that way. Every bit of him fixated on sounding confident and reassured. Bella's eyes looked almost empty as she handed Carlisle the still-living appendage. As the two of them moved apart – only by a few inches – they reached out and clasped each other's hands at the same moment.

It was irreparable. The place where Edward's arm should have connected to his shoulder was already beginning to close in both places. A few hours and there wouldn't be so much as a scar. Even if he hadn't begun to heal over, Carlisle couldn't be sure if there was any way to reattach the arm. Quite honestly, he had never had to deal with something like this before. It was too late to try placing the arm back in the socket, to see if the flesh would heal over it and the bones would re-knit. The break was jagged, so there was no telling how it would heal if Carlisle hadn't arrived so late.

"No hope?" Edward asked, his eyes piercing Carlisle's skull. It was the first time his son had turned away from Bella since his arrival. Carlisle expected something icy, almost bitter, but Edward's demeanor took him aback. The boy's face was soft and, for the first instance in nearly one hundred years, looked like that of a boy.

"I can't do anything. I am so incredibly sorry." Each word fell from his tongue heavily, and he instantly wished he could be in his son's place. He had lived long enough – he could live an eternity without a limb. In fact, in a sick way, he almost felt he deserved it.

At least, he deserved it much more than Edward.

"Don't think that," Edward said, his eyes brimming with a tranquil love for his father. "Don't ever think that you deserve to be in my place." Bella squeezed Edward's hand, and he turned to her. Once again, they were lost at sea, eyes only for one another.

"Carlisle, will you check on Jacob, please?" Bella said, her voice cracking on the last few syllables. Edward raised his one hand and stroked her cheek. This moment between them was so incredibly private that Carlisle was happy to have an excuse to leave them be. As happy as one can be in these situations.

He rushed to join Sam and Jared by Jacob's side. As far as he could tell, just about every bone in his body was broken, but he was definitely alive. "Can you get him to phase back?" Carlisle asked Sam, who was trying to talk some sense into his friend's ear. "He's got a lot of broken bones. It will be easier for me to set them if he's in human form."

"Jacob, look at me," Sam said. There was so much emotion in his voice – these boys were as close to family as Carlisle and his children were. For that, Carlisle was grateful. After Jacob had run off after Bella, and before any fighting could break out, Jasper was able to calm everyone again. Sam had immediately phased to speak with Carlisle. They would accept the treaty, but at that moment, Jacob was their first priority. With one large, warm hand, Sam held his brother's jaw loosely, trying to look him directly in the eye. Jacob sneered slightly, but met Sam's eyes. "Phase back. It's your best chance for us to take care of you."

With a reluctant growl and a gasp, the giant russet wolf was replaced by Jacob. His breath sounded like a great void, sucking in air but barely able to rattle it out. "Try not to move," Carlisle said, immediately setting off to assess the damage. The phase would have offset some of the bones, and they were miles away from any medical equipment.

"Get… off me… leech," Jacob managed to gasp.

"It will be better for you not to speak, Jacob." The insult glided off of his shoulders easily. He knew that his help wasn't wanted, but at the same time at least Sam understood that it was needed.

"I said… get… off… me…"

"Jake, listen to… Dr. Cullen. Or would you rather be paralyzed the rest of your life?" Jacob fell silent, allowing Carlisle's brumal fingers to sweep across his arms. "What can you do?" Sam asked, urgency creeping into his voice. He was noticeably keeping his distance from Carlisle and his nose was crinkled slightly. Carlisle chose to ignore it and do his job.

"Nothing here. I have no supplies, and once we set the bones he won't be able to move for a while. It's not as bad as I originally thought – some are small fractures, easily healed without much outside help. One arm has two severe breaks in it, and most of his ribs are cracked significantly. What I'm worried about, though, is how quickly he's healing. If I don't set the bones soon, I will have to re-break them." Sam took this all in without a word, watching Jacob warily.

His eyes were far away, not on Carlisle, Sam, Jared, or even the sky really. It was as though his vision was simply floating – not searching for anything to catch it. The unfocused and glazed-over darkness disconcerted Carlisle greatly.

"We can take him back to the reservation," Jared suggested. "It might be an hour run, but he'll be in good hands there." Sam cast a glance at Carlisle, who bit his lip. "The doctors at the Rez can take care of him."

After Jasper had calmed everyone down again and Sam had phased, he and Carlisle came to a quick agreement. The treaty was incredibly important to all of the pack, and while he was certain that the Cullens were losing more than what was fair, he agreed to the referendum. Carlisle assured him that there were no strings attached, not on his family's side, and that they would leave as soon as possible. A quick shake of the hand was too much, and Sam simply nodded at Carlisle. He was still on edge, knowing that they had been hasty to call a war, but didn't trust the vampires too much. It was completely natural, Carlisle understood; he wasn't one to take offense. Behind Sam, the wolves began whimpering and growling; he was being urged to phase back, meaning one thing – Jacob and Paul were in trouble.

Though everything sat on a precarious edge as Carlisle crouched beside Jacob's unmoving body, he was certain that Sam would forbid anyone from taking revenge. Jacob would heal – Edward would not. Once again, something Sam saw as an unfair trade.

But Sam hadn't seen the way Edward and Bella held onto each other. His son had lost an arm, but somehow in all of this, the two of them had cemented. Jacob was losing Bella forever, and judging by his half-awake state, that was worse than a missing limb.

"If it isn't asking too much, I feel as though I should see this through. At least until Jacob's bones are set and I can ascertain that he will be taken care of," Carlisle offered. He was being overly generous, and had a sneaking suspicion that even Sam wouldn't accept that.

"I don't trust you," Sam said in a low voice, "it's that simple. This is our problem, we will deal with it our way." Carlisle nodded in understanding. "You can accompany us to the treaty line, and we'll make sure our doctor meets us at the border."

"My family and I will leave tonight. Is that acceptable?"

"Yes." There was a lull in the conversation as both vampire and werewolf looked upon the broken Jacob Black.

--

Sure, Edward was missing an arm – one that would never wrap itself around Bella's waist, a hand that would never caress her cheek or tug her silken hair again – but he was bizarrely at peace. He only had eyes for Bella, and barely even felt Carlisle's hands against the gruesome injury.

When her voice broke, when she asked about Jacob, it didn't even hurt him the way he felt it once might. He felt a slight stab in his chest, like some unseen force pushing a knife into his heart, but it faded quickly. Her voice betrayed her hidden turmoil, but she did break his gaze. She met it straight on, a woman with nothing to hide. As Carlisle and Sam examined Jacob, Bella barely even twitched at their hushed whispers. He had no doubt in his mind that she could hear their conversation, but she was trying not to let it show.

She was absorbed in Edward.

He wished more than anything that he could hear her thoughts. So many questions swam around in his head, but it was all sort of fuzzy from the shock of the day's events. None of them found their way to his mouth and even if they had, he wasn't too sure that he could brace himself for the possible answers.

Bella hadn't wanted anyone to get hurt. It was a little late for that. If she still had no memories of Jacob Black, she at least had some guttural response to him, some need to keep him safe. Edward had tried very, very hard not to kill Jacob. The boy just kept rushing at him, kept asking for a violent snap of the neck. On the other hand, Edward's submissiveness to Bella's wishes meant that he had paused and given Jacob the upper hand. Only for a second. A second.

It had been enough.

One. Single. Second.

After that, Edward was teetering on the edge. Bella was asking too much of him, but she was there in the clearing – he couldn't bring himself to kill Jacob, not in her presence. His head spun and he would start slipping up if he had to keep fighting; he just had to be the one to last the longest. Jacob was in terrible shape – Edward was surprised the wolf could even move. Some mix of adrenaline and the basic survival instinct was keeping Jacob on his feet.

He needed Bella to do something – to let him take out Jacob, to restrain one of them, anything.

However much she regretted hurting Jacob, she had pushed it to the back of her mind. Right now, she was Edward's guardian angel – clutching him close, refusing to move even a fraction of an inch. From time to time, he would twitch – less of a reaction to the pain than from the shock – and she would squeeze him reassuringly, trying to keep him calm.

The air around them had been surprisingly still as Edward regained power over his body. He was able to move of his own accord, and all he wanted to see was Bella. With his only hand, he gently brushed Bella's cheek, tucking wild strands of hair behind her ear and sending electricity through his fingertips.

Now they were surrounded by family and enemy alike, but still fully in their own world. As Edward gained more control and his dizziness wore off, it seemed as though Bella was slipping away again. She held herself together, though he could tell it was only by a thread. Why did her every thought have to be blocked off? Why couldn't he get a glimpse, just the tiniest peek?

_Edward,_ Alice said, or thought – he couldn't be sure. Her voice was soft, almost wistful but anxious, in a way he had never heard. _Can you hear me?_ He nodded, throwing his eyes over to where Alice stood. It was apart from the others, but the way she held herself was cautious. She was restraining herself – in very un-Alice-like consideration, she was refusing to wrap her arms around him and Bella. _Can you get up?_ He nodded again._ We're going back to the house now. The treaty's being set, and we have to leave Forks tonight._

--

Not once did Bella remove herself from Edward's grip as they made their way back to the house. Thankfully Sam had given Paul a direct order not to set the house on fire – their original plan was solely to attack the Cullen threat and dismantle it. There did not need to be any destruction of property involved.

Each member of the family flew around every corner of the house, trying to box up the last of their belongings. Most of what was in the house had been left behind after the move all those months ago and was essentially either dispensable or too large to transport, so there wasn't much they had to pack the second time around.

Bella and Edward, however, were stuck in their own moment in time. Bella had nothing of her own to pack, and Edward couldn't care less about half the objects still littering his semi-void room. Somewhere along the line – either when they first left or over the course of the past few weeks – somebody had packed up all of his music, leaving the enormous shelves completely bare. So they stood, hand in marble hand, staring out the window at the forest encroaching their home. This would always be their home, at least in Bella's mind, but somehow it didn't tug at her as much as she expected, now that she had to leave it with no prospect of return.

There was so much tying her here, and yet so little. Only the faintest ghosts of memories and emotions clung to her, pulling her back. The idea of letting go both flooded her with light-headed relief and sent shivers down her spine.

Some things had to be left behind, to collect dust over the years and become a graveyard of the life they had so briefly. The Cullens' two years here had passed in the blink of an eye.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked in a low voice. He turned his head slightly so that he wasn't looking at her out of the corner of his eye. Bella ran her tongue over her lips and continued to stare at the darkening world below.

"How strange it is that I'll miss this place."

"It's not that strange. Just a few days ago, you were practically begging to stay." The tiniest crooked smile splayed across his lips. She smiled back, knowing the teasing edge to his voice was an attempt to lighten the room.

"On the other hand, though," she whispered, "I think I'm ready. To move on. To start a new life."

"You always were. Maybe you just never belonged in Forks."

"If I had never come to Forks, would I have ever met you?"

"I only hope so, for alternate-universe me." Bella smiled wider, and Edward tugged her into him, slithering his arm around her waist and letting his fingers trace their way from her hipbone to her ribcage and back. Instinctively, Bella wrapped up his waist in her arms and tucked her head against his chest. The sound of his breath let all her tension wash away, leaving the slightest buzzing sensation on her skin.

Where her hands connected, just above his jaunty hip, she should have brushed against the cool skin where his phantom limb hung. The lack of feeling did not disturb her nearly as much as she expected. She noticed immediately, but it didn't faze her.

"We're leaving in twenty minutes," Edward muttered. Bella hummed a response, but her eyes were closing as she lost herself in the feeling of him. So many things were wearing down her mind, and she wished she could only hear the happy thoughts. "Bella…" Edward began after a brusque pause.

"Hmm?"

"I think that we need to have a talk. There are some-"

"Can it wait?" Bella interrupted abruptly, though she did not move from his grasp. "Until we get where we're going?"

"I really don't think it should." Honestly, there were aspects of the impending conversation that Edward didn't want to go over, mention, or even fathom, but he felt it was absolutely necessary.

"We only have twenty minutes. I… don't think I could even gather any thoughts in an hour. My brain is sort of…"

"Mush?"

"Yes. Brain mush. Can't talk. You know."

Edward smirked against Bella's hair. He loved her scent now. It drove him crazy, though not in the way that her human scent had. Well, at least not one of the ways. It was less floral, but still fresh and clean. Something about it blurred his senses, sharpening only his image of her.

"Time to go," he whispered, though his words were muffled against Bella's soft cushion of hair. As if on cue, a tiny knock resounded at his bedroom door – soon to cease being his – and Alice poked her spiky head through.

"You heard the man," she said, her smile and the joking tone sounding slightly forced. Edward's easy acceptance of losing his arm disconcerted every member of his family – except for, potentially, Bella. "Can I pry the two of you apart long enough to get you in the car?"

"I don't think so," Bella said, grinning – hers was completely genuine.

The three of them sped down the stairs and out to the garage, where everyone was waiting. Jasper avoided staring at Edward, but Emmett didn't seem to believe in tact. "Emmett, I appreciate your admiration, but would you mind not staring? I get self-conscious."

"How can you be joking about this?" Emmett asked in spite of the presence of his own slanted smile.

"Give me a few days. I think I'm still in shock," Edward replied, keeping his tone light.

**--**

As the car dashed out of the garage, Edward placed his head lightly on Bella's shoulder. She smiled meekly and squeezed his hand, staring directly into his eyes. Both of them still hadn't fed, and their eyes mirrored their hunger. The purple circles on their cheeks were deepening with each passing hour, matching the color of the twilight sky, though that at least was littered with stars.

Bella tried not to think the entire ride. Not thinking was keeping her sane. Not thinking was keeping her from kicking the door out of the car and bolting. She distracted herself by picking her fingers through Edward's coppery hair, mussing it to her liking. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he was asleep – his breathing was so even and his eyes were closed.

She was pretending, though. In her make-believe world, he was sound asleep and dreaming only about her.


	13. Life

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters or the original situations, storylines, etc. I'm only using them for the time being.

**A/N:** Some of you had such strong reactions to Edward losing his arm that I was almost going to take it down and say "NO, NO THAT NEVER HAPPENED, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT," and then edit it so that his arm could be reattached. But then I realized that would make my whole purpose of this story kind of null. Well, not really, but it would make it less powerful. So I hope you enjoy this chapter and that you don't still hate me for the arm thing after it.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Thirteen – Life**

The sunrise bathed an unfamiliar landscape in pale pink light, banishing the shadows from the dark jeep. The car drove in silence, save for the hum of the motor. Emmett drove so fast that everything passed them by in a coalesced blur. As they drove, the shadows splayed across Edward's face became less intense, and eventually the entire car was immersed in a warm yellow glow.

At one point, the time when Bella's head laid in Edward's lap and her feet curled up into her chest, Edward started humming her lullaby as he absentmindedly stroked her hair, fingers delicate and soft as they twirled. Everyone in the car smiled as soon as he began, small smiles.

On occasion he thought he could feel it, beginning heavy at his shoulder and resting next to his torso. He figured he must still be in shock – just a little bit – because it didn't seem to bother him all that much. With each twinge, his body would harden and Bella would instantly feel it, move to calm him down. In an instant, it would be gone again and he would focus on her. But those short-lived moments never made him worry for long.

It was as though everything was stationary. It didn't matter – the level of the light, the speed of the car, the scenery that whizzed by. The restless calm was consistent. His family members each had their own uneasy thoughts running circles in his head, but none of them would vocalize their worry. He was used to this, on some level: the anxiety of going to a brand new place and starting a brand new life, the ever-changing possibilities of how they would adjust. Being creatures essentially frozen, a fixed point in time, they didn't adjust well to change – which may have had to do with a lot of the worry about his arm – but they had moved and morphed lifestyles so many times in the past that they should all be used to it. Unknown factors would always exist, and everyone would turn to Alice for reassurance, which she gave, but nobody really felt reassured. This was the way of things.

At some point they had crossed the border, during the night, or else the very early morning, in the pre-dawn hours.

The house they ended up standing outside of was on the outskirts of a town even smaller than Forks – more of an outpost than anything, really. It was somewhere in Upper Canada, near where Alaska meets the Yukon Territory. The biting cold didn't bother anybody all too much. It was much smaller than the house in Washington, thereby less conspicuous. They planned for their stay to last not much longer than a year – Bella would be able to be around humans by then, and they would figure out where to go from there.

Inside, the walls were sparse and there was little in the way of furniture. Esme sounded incredibly confident when she said that she could turn it into a real home, for as long as they ended up needing it; nobody doubted her. She always saw the potential beauty in things that everyone else overlooked – what they saw as drab and lifeless, she saw as a blank canvas.

Bella didn't let go of Edward's hand as she explored. Alice took her other hand, matching her excitement despite the fact that she had already seen the house. There were two stories, and each room was about the same size, except a slightly larger common area complete with a fireplace. "There are only three bedrooms," Bella realized, her face falling.

"Sorry about that, Bella," Emmett said, voice unusually low as he appeared in a doorway. "You know that Rose and I love you, and we're definitely going to visit all the time. Just spending a little time in Denali. And when you're all sane again," his smile finally cracked, "we might live alone a little while longer, but I don't know how long she can keep me away from you." His grin was infectious, and Bella started smiling back. "You're like the little sister I never had."

In the blink of an eye, Alice was knocking into him, throwing all her weight at his chest. He ruffled her hair and she laughed, a sound like the tinkle of bells. "I'm kidding Al. Anyway, we'll be back before you can even get a chance to miss us. I swear."

"I understand. Eight's pretty crowded, huh?" Bella was trying to match Emmett's nonchalant level, but Edward saw the exact amount of hurt behind her eyes.

"It's not you're fault," Emmett replied, shrugging. Rosalie appeared behind him.

"It seemed like opportune timing. Bella, we really will miss you." Rosalie was the textbook image of beauty, standing in the faint light next to her husband, especially with her skin shimmering. "I'm not sure we'll even last a month," she added, laughing sadly.

"I'll miss you both so…" Bella began, but she choked on her words and instead just took a step toward them. Emmett was the first to hug her, practically crushing her chest in the process. She squeezed back, equally hard, and he laughed a breathless but hearty boom. As soon as he took a step back, Rosalie took her turn, hugging Bella delicately.

"We're not leaving yet, though, so don't get your hopes up." Emmett's smile spread over his face again and he punched Bella lightly on the shoulder.

They left the bedroom, which Alice had decided to claim for her and Jasper, and everyone went their separate ways. Of course, the house having less open space, there wasn't much spreading out that could be done. "Which room did you like?" Edward asked, trying to tune out his family's thoughts so that they were simply a background buzz.

"I don't really care all that much. Whichever one you want." Edward led her to the one across from Alice's claim.

"I like this. It has a good vibe to it. Nice eastern view. We can watch the sunrise." The walls and sheets on the bed were the same prosaic off-white.

"When… did you have the time to buy this house?" Bella asked suddenly as the idea dawned on her.

"Carlisle picked it up when we visiting Denali a few years back. Jasper was having a few… issues… and Carlisle found this place. He thought seclusion might help Jasper, for a bit at least. But we ended up never using it. I almost completely forgot about it until Carlisle brought it up a few weeks ago. Seemed perfect."

"You even furnished it and everything?"

"No, that for that he called in a bit of a favor. Unfortunately, Tanya has absolutely no taste, otherwise it might feel more homey."

"So you didn't really go to incredible lengths to get me away from society?"

"Not so much, no. At least, not in that respect." Bella immediately looked down to stare at the wooden floorboards. "Bella, I do think we need to talk."

"What if I'm not ready?"

"Not ready to speak properly, or not ready to face some of the facts?"

"What about you, you're barely facing the facts. Edward – I look at you and… you're so reserved." Her forehead wrinkled and she found that she couldn't meet his gaze. "How can you stand this?"

"So we are talking now?" he sighed.

"I don't know. Maybe if we wait until Emmett and Rosalie leave." He looked at her with a dark glare. There were so many unanswered questions, on both of their behalves, and he just wanted to breathe again. "Can we do that? Please?" There was little Edward could to do to fend her off, and he reluctantly agreed.

Before he let her turn away and pull them back to the rest of the family, he clasped his hand around the back of her neck and drew her into a kiss. At first it was soft and tame, and their lips moved against each other timidly, though in tandem. Then her deceptive delicate fingers found themselves at his hips, pulling him into her, filling up all the gaps between them. The kiss deepened, and they both opened their mouths.

He longed to be able to hold her this close and trace the contours of her body at the same time. When he realized that he couldn't, he let go and dropped his head. Her hands deftly caught his chin, cupping his jaw lightly and forcing his eyes up. Without asking, she knew exactly why he had stopped. "We'll get used to it," she murmured, placing his arm around her hip and locking hers around his neck. Minutes passed, and they stood like that, radiating electric waves throughout the room until the air felt almost warm. Then, he caught her lip in a hard, desperate kiss, setting up no borders.

His hand slithered to the small of her back, pressing her close to him while her own hands searched wildly through his hair. They didn't need to pause for breath, but they did anyway. It had become a sort of natural reaction at this point. He kissed his way down her neck, raking his teeth against her skin. She trembled and gasped in his hand, then brought his head back up to hers. Without missing a beat, their lips reunited.

Someone knocked on the wall beside the door. Neither of them had been paying much attention and had not heard Alice approaching. They both jumped, and then chuckled at their reactions. Alice found it a little bit more hilarious, at least, considering that she was laughing as she stepped across the threshold into the open room.

"Next time you two do that, at least close the door?" She couldn't hide her enthusiasm, as usual. "Emmett and Rosalie are getting ready to go. Might want to say good-bye."

"Thanks, Alice," Bella said. Edward could perfectly see the red crawling up her cheeks – not that it was there, but it was a nice vision either way.

"Also, Carlisle thinks you two should hunt soon. You both look like demons straight out of some of the fire-and-brimstone bits to the Bible."

--

Saying good-bye to Emmett and Rosalie turned out to be excruciating, even though he had known this was happening for a while now. There were no tears shed, but in any other universe, there would be gigantic puddles. Esme watched as Emmett's Jeep faded away in the on-setting dark, and all her remaining children felt it would be best to leave the house empty, just for her and Carlisle.

Edward hadn't noticed how hungry he was – once the idea of feeding entered his head, he could think of nothing else. He and Bella found a family of deer about a mile away from the house.

But before long, they were back at the house. No sounds came from Esme and Carlisle's room, and Alice had dragged Jasper into town to look around. Perhaps the hardest thing to get used to in this new place would be the proximity – none of them would have very much privacy. There was a small kitchen, without a refrigerator, but it was the furthest place from Esme and Carlisle's room that was still within the comforts of the building.

Edward sat on the cool linoleum floor and dragged Bella with him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Are you ready to talk yet?" he asked. As much as he didn't want to push her, his brain was on the verge of implosion. Bella was quiet and didn't budge. "Bella, not knowing some things are killing me."

"I could say the same for you." He hadn't exactly been expecting that. Bella was twice the mystery he ever could be. Even if he could hear her in his head, there would be some bizarre element of her that he could never figure out. Not that he was certain of that, because there was no way of knowing.

Making sure to keep his voice barely above a whisper so that nobody but Bella would hear, he continued. "I need to know, Bella, what you remember." He was willing to wait to hear her answer – he has asked the question, in its simplest terms. Well, truthfully, he couldn't stand the pause, the silence; he needed to know everything on her mind. But he didn't want her to know that.

She swallowed, and then glanced up at him through heavy-lidded eyes, irises aglow with a fresh kill. "Nothing new. Still the same shards of memories. Whispers, I guess. I can hear people talking, sometimes, and I remember those conversations. Or I can see pictures clearly in my head – but they're gone just as quickly. Mostly all I remember is a lot of pain, and you."

"What about Jacob?"

She sighed. "I don't really know. I don't remember much about him, except for his name and his warmth. He was so incredibly warm. And comfort. For whatever reason, when I think of Jacob, I feel comforted. But I don't know why. I can barely even remember his human face."

"Then why were you so keen on protecting him?"

Blink. Shrug. "I think… and I can't be sure… but I think that a part of me loves him. Really, really loves him. But it's not the way I feel about you. With you, it is so incredibly strong it takes over my entire being and it's like I'm almost not in control. With him… it was almost like the way I feel about Charlie. It's just a very natural, peaceful love. I wish he never has to hurt.

"But you could read his mind, Edward. So you know a hell of a lot more about him than I do. You know his hopes, his dreams, his loves, his life. I can never know that. Not now. A part of me is almost in mourning. It just doesn't make sense. And you know more about him than I ever could…"

"He loves you, just as much. Maybe more. It terrified me, Bella. The thought that I could lose you…"

"I would never leave you."

"You say that now, Bella, but I have no idea what you're thinking."

Reaching up, she kissed him square on the mouth. "That drives you crazy, doesn't it?" He nodded. "Well, welcome to my world. At least with me, my face is an open book. I'll never, ever, ever, ever be able to read your mind. Ever," she added for good measure. "So we're in the same boat."

The sat in the growing dark for a while, listening to the woods settle outside. They were severely different from the rainforest of the Olympic Peninsula, and it would take some getting used to. Then Bella began again, searching in his eyes for the emotions he masked so well. "Speaking of loss, I very nearly lost you. What were you thinking? What if Jacob had killed you? Where would that put me? Why…" She got more hysterical with each word, and Edward, lacking the fingers to press to her lips, used his own mouth instead.

"I would never have let Jacob kill me. I was trying to respect your wishes – very difficult by the way. If you didn't step in that last time, I would've taken his head off. I was thinking an arm for an arm after what he did. But for some reason, you tamed me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't knowingly cause you the same pain twice over." Lightly, as though he were touching a rare work of art, he traced patterns on the skin behind her ear and down the side of her neck.

"If he had killed you, Edward… I couldn't live. I couldn't exist."

"Now you know how I felt when Alice said you jumped off a cliff," he said. A smirk accompanied the words, but it was bitter and felt awkward. Bella tucked closer to Edward, using his weight as leverage to pull herself into him.

"I don't ever want to let go again. I don't want to think of what will happen if I do."

"That, Bella, is incredibly absurd." Her smooth hair tickled him as he kissed the top of her head. After a beat, he added, "I'm not letting go either, though."

He found his thoughts wandering as the quiet fell over them again. This happened so often lately, but somehow, it felt just as good as talking with her. Anything elated him, as long as she was with him. She molded perfectly against his body, like two pieces of a puzzle. When he saw Jacob's thoughts – however brief the time was before the wolf had shut down – he heard the times that Bella couldn't remember. The two of them laughing over something inane, building and riding motorcycles – which he had to remember to chastise her about – the way she smiled a wide goofy grin around Jacob. He could also see the immense sadness in everything Bella did, the hesitation. Her eyes would light up around Jake, but never blaze.

"Edward," she whispered at last, "I have to know… your arm. It's my fault, isn't it? If I hadn't come in, distracted you, you would still have it, you would still be complete, and I don't know how you can live with me, how you could forgive me. There's so much you won't ever be able to do again and it's my fault, it's all my fault. Edward, I am so sorry, I am so, so sorry. It's all my fault."

"No, it isn't, Bella." Even if she had some part in it, he could never blame her. It wasn't in him. "Nothing is your fault."

"How can you stand to even look at me?"

Edward sighed, cursing Bella for her paranoia. "Bella, if you never learn or remember anything in your life again, I need you to know this. I will always be by your side. In darkness and in light. In the hardest parts where you're barely clinging on and in the times where you are so completely self-assured that you won't allow anything but what you want to happen. I will be there.

"It doesn't matter whether or not I'm physically whole, because me – I will be entirely, perfectly, absolutely whole. You complete me – every aspect of me. And if I ever, ever, find myself without you, God may as well take the other arm instead. Hell, take every goddamn limb I have, because that would be better than losing you for the rest of time. It bothers me, to be perfectly honest, but that doesn't matter. Not in the long run, because I love you."

Bella stared at him, awed. Eyes wide, mouth agape, shaking slightly. Shortly after she realized what she looked like and clicked her jaw shut.

"I feel stupid saying 'I love you, too' after that speech." He smiled his patented crooked smile and she sort of melted in his arms, for lack of a better word.

"Say it anyway."

"I love you. Every bit of you. With every bit and piece and scrap of me, mind, body, and soul. I love you."

"There now, that was beautiful." Their lips met one more time.

A few rooms away, the front door squeaked open and the light footsteps of Jasper and Alice echoed through the house. Taking themselves off the floor, Edward and Bella went to join them in the common room. The other two had barely even come in the door and already they had started a roaring fire. Jasper was still bent towards it, trying to coax the small flames to catch, and Alice was sitting back on the peaches-and-cream couch. With only the dancing light thrown from the fireplace, the room seemed more like a picture from a fairytale than the empty old house it originally felt like.

"Esme and Carlisle will join us soon enough," Alice said, not looking away from the flames. They played tricks with her face, making the sharp angles look downright dangerous, but keeping her amber eyes lighthearted. Jasper joined her on the couch, wrapping her to the point of suffocation in his cage-like arms. Yet, even with that picture, Bella felt no jealousy.

Yes, Edward had only the one arm.

Yes, he would never be able to hold her the way Jasper held Alice.

His mere touch – the cool breath on her ear, the molded lips against hers, the perfect fit of their bodies – was absolutely enough.


	14. Recovery

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters or the original story.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Fourteen – Recovery**

Days pass like hours. Private moments penetrate the public, filling the air with a persistent buzz that makes their skin itch, waiting for a split second to themselves. They are hands and hair and flesh and tongues and smiles and whispers and glances and giggles and everything in between.

Within just a few days of their arrival, Carlisle was able to secure a night position at the nearest hospital – which covered six "towns" in a thirty-mile radius. It was much lighter up here since the sun shone most days. However, the Cullens' house was so far reserved from the rest of town that the daylight didn't do much to stop them from wandering around a bit.

One day in particular, Bella found herself dashing around trees – she missed the moss-covered behemoths of Washington – head thrown back in laughter. The whole race was Edward's idea, and even though they both knew he would win, she went along with it anyway. He had given her a ten-second head start, but there was no way he couldn't overtake her in half that time. The finish line was a tiny clearing with a small brook running through it. Bella smiled to herself, wondering if Edward would be there already, pretending he had been waiting. She wouldn't put it past him.

The sharp gust of wind blew her hair every which way, making it hard to see. Then something wrapped around her hand and pulled her in another direction. "Even as a vampire, you're just as accident-prone."

"What are you talking about?"

"The fact that you were about to hit a tree." Edward's laugh ricocheted through her head. Even now, almost ten months after the battle with Jacob, which meant almost two years since the first day they met, the effect he had over her struck her as phenomenally unfair. Her knees turned wobbly and unsure, she couldn't focus properly – if her heart could beat, it would flutter uncontrollably.

In ten months, holding hands everywhere didn't work – there was nowhere near enough contact. At first their arms intertwined, wrapping like snakes around one another, brushing stray fingers against hipbones. That morphed into one around the waist, another behind the shoulder, which then became hands in back pockets. Even with the increasing amount of contact, their skin would sizzle and their eyes would spark with the tiniest touch.

It pained her to think that the new piano – technically a several-time hand-me-down that Tanya bought cheap for the Cullens – would gather dust in the corner as a memory stabbing at Edward. Somehow, though, he never once seemed fazed by its presence. One day, he even sat down and started playing, though only with his left hand. It was choppy and rugged, and he almost immediately gave up. The next day, he sat back down with a huff of determination, and she watched him from the doorway. He didn't even hear her come down the stairs, and she refused to move an inch or take a breath to let him know where she stood.

A few hours of stumbling and he found something. The way his hands had formerly moved over the keys with such grace couldn't be lost, even if it felt awkward or wrong to only play with one hand.

The melodies were simple at first. A few notes spliced together sporadically. Over the next few hours, he became more confident, and his fingers reached farther, trying to get to keys faster. He stumbled constantly, and eventually smashed the keys with his fist and stormed out of the room, breezing by Bella.

He didn't go back for two more days. When he finally took his seat at the piano bench with a wrinkled brow and eyes smoldering, the melody he banged out set shivers up Bella's spine. Not because it was the even near most beautiful thing she had ever heard – although everything he did made her heart ache from the sheer poetry of it – but because it was raw. It was painful. It was angry. It was sad. Beyond that, there were no words. He knocked the wind out of her; she was suffocating. The only thing that ran through her head was _It's a lie. It was all a lie._

It wasn't until minutes after he had finished that she blinked and came out of her trance. He was staring at her with his molten gaze. She couldn't meet his eyes.

Then he stood and walked over to her. The steps were slow and deliberate. "What's wrong?" The voice did not match the music; it was worried and heartsick. It was his wall again, this mask. _It was a lie. _"Bella, what's wrong?" He stopped about a foot away from her, and the sound of his breathing filled her head, made her dizzy.

"Nothing." She could barely get the words out.

It dawned on him, and he took her chin in his hand. "That song was not about you. You could never do anything to make me angry."

"I know that," she tried to say, but she didn't even convince herself. "All this time, you never said anything…"

"Bella, it was easy for me to forget about it and lock it away. Only a small part, the least fraction of me, was angry about the loss of my arm. It wanted to find a way out. Now I never have to play that song again." She still didn't believe him. It made more sense that way. "Want to hear what else I've been thinking up? I haven't even begun to work out the kinks, but I think you'll like it."

He led her by the hand to the piano bench and sat her at his side. His fingers were unsure and delicate on the keys, and the melody remained simple. There wasn't much he could do about that.

But it was the simplicity that got her. It tugged at her heart and made her limbs weak and shaky. She melted into the side of his torso. It was a slow, watered-down version of her lullaby. Even at only a few deftly chosen notes, it turned her into a puddle.

Hell, everything he did turned her into a puddle. She was realizing that now as he guided her away from the trees in a very over the top manner, accompanied by that grin. "I'm capable of walking to the brook alone, thank you," she protested, though she did nothing to shove him off.

"I don't believe you," he whispered in her ear. Her eyes fluttered, a knee-jerk reaction for whenever he did that. "Even if I did, I'm not sure I'd be able to let you."

This clearing was barely that – a brief patch of sky overhead and a break in the trees; it was always full of the whisper of the wind and the babble of the brook. Bella really never believed the term until she stumbled across this one – it sort of gurgled and chirped, making the perfect soundtrack for when they went completely silent.

Today, she curled up against him, breathing in the scent of him and the cold grass beneath him. Winter was on its way out; the trees were only beginning to show signs of life and the ice was breaking off of the brook. The sun hit off the semi-frozen water without obstacle and glittered in a way that matched their skin as Bella traced random shapes in the fabric on Edward's chest and he spun the silver ring around her finger whose diamond outshined both of them and the brook. It threw rainbows against the white of his shirt.

It was easy to pretend that she was asleep in his arms. Despite the chill air, their skin absorbed warmth from the sun and left her in a foggy stupor. He whispered things to her occasionally. Sweet nothings. Hushed warnings. Soft poems. And her eyes shut tight and her body relaxed and her breathing evened out. She could even shut her mind off – it felt like sleep. Only she didn't wake up screaming.

Those were the first memories to return. For a long time after that, she didn't even want to get into a bed at night. The thought of falling asleep only to wake up in a terror-drenched sweat was too much to bear, even if it couldn't possibly happen. She would just sit on the couch and watch the fire (if there was one), not allowing any distance between her and Edward, or else she would go into the woods to hunt for lack of distractions.

Finally, these feelings went away. Her memories were coming back, developing into blurry pictures, but that eventually stopped too. She could remember specific moments with Edward, Charlie, Renée, and even Jacob. As much as she told Edward she didn't want to know the memories about Jacob, she clung onto them with all her might. But even these ones were vague, and with time would even fade until they barely resembled myths.

"Edward?" Her voice was clear, breaking through the wind-whipped quiet of their clearing.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wonder what life would be like – mine, yours, ours… if Victoria had never picked me up? If Jake had saved me that day?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I just… started thinking about that lately. Don't know why." Actually, she did. Four days earlier, Edward had put that ring on her finger, and she wanted it there, she couldn't want it any other way. Something tugged at the back of her mind, though. They certainly would not be in the position they were now, but would he ever have come back? Would they have eventually gotten to the engagement, and the far-off marriage? Would she be an emotional wreck like she is? Would he? The questions were eating at her, and she needed some sort of comfort. It made no sense: their life together was not perfect, far from it in fact, but it was theirs and it was relatively happy. She couldn't picture it any other way.

So it never made sense that she was trying to.

"I have thought about it, sure. I've also wondered what our lives would be like if I were human when you were. It's pointless though, Bella. This is the life we have, and we should focus on that." He said these things to reassure her, but Bella still believed that he yearned for another life. One where he was physically whole and he didn't have to take care of her like this.

Her silence tipped him off. "No. You're not thinking that again." He sat up slightly, stern written all over his face. "I can keep telling you this, but you don't believe me, do you? Yes, there are moments where I want another life. But they pass. Like lightning bolts. I could never, ever want anything more than what I have with you. Maybe that makes me an idiot, maybe even selfish, but I don't care. I can't imagine life any other way."

The way his jaw was set, the way fire burning, reeling under his golden eyes washed away all her tension and confusion. He relaxed along with her. "You know, Bella, you eyes aren't red anymore."

"Really?" She hadn't thought about that in such a long time. Something about that made her panic, though. Her last shreds of humanity were gone, literally. Her human blood used up in her system, leaving her irises an immaculate gold. Before she could fully go into panic mode, though, his lips were moving against hers and his arm pulled her into a tight embrace.

The act caught her off-guard and she tumbled over him. With ease, he flipped her so that her back was pressed into the ground.

Another thing was that their kisses had become much, much less chaste. Edward was letting the man in him win more often than not. He no longer had the boundaries he needed when she was human – nothing he could do would hurt her irrevocably. Private moments. Of course, they were less private than she would like – Alice could always see them, and if they were in the house, Jasper could sense them. At first, the thought made her cringe and back away, but eventually it got to the point where she couldn't care less.

Her fingertips clawed their way down his spine to rest at his lower back, pressing him closer. Just beneath the cotton of his shirt, his warmed skin called to her, and she let her fingers stray. It was becoming increasingly difficult to think of reasons to stop, even though they both said they weren't ready. Teenage hormones. Stuck with them forever. There was good and bad to that.

They hadn't set a date for the wedding, and weren't going to anytime soon. The idea of engagement was permanent enough in Bella's mind, and even though Alice was planning away, she honestly wanted to wait. True, Edward was the only man, monster, or fantasy that she ever could want to be with. True, she was going to be with him forever… ideally.

But marriage off-set her. She had no explanation, and Edward wasn't really waiting on it. In his mind, she had no reason not to marry him, and he wanted her to be his and only his in every possible sense for the rest of eternity.

The first time Alice and Jasper got married was nearly ten years after they had met. Bella always threw that fact at him.

He liked to pretend that her inability to make a decision bothered him. It didn't, not really.

At the back of his mind though, he still wondered. Wondered about her feelings for Jacob, if there were any; wondered about her feelings for him; wondered about her mental state. Maybe marriage wasn't the best idea at the moment.

He wanted nothing else, though. Just for her to be his. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, legally. Oh, and physically. He tried to keep his mind off of it, he really did, but his body was telling him not to. In his head, they would have a proper honeymoon, the way his parents raised him back in the early twentieth century. Bella, however, would not set a date, and slowly his mind was losing to his body.

He did worry that she wouldn't think he was enough. He did worry that she would remember the horrible thing he had done in perfect detail – he had left her, hadn't he? Was that just a dream? He did worry that she would remember it and she would hate him, and she would run, and she would never come back. He did worry.

That wasn't distracting him today, though. Somehow, his rational thought was completely lost to the insatiable seventeen-year-old in him. They were tumbling around in the grass, listening to ice break off in the brook, and already there was a growing pile of clothes nearby. His mind was scolding him, telling him to step back and think about what he was doing. Bella's was doing the same.

But neither of them stopped.

Wasn't life supposed to be this way? Sporadic and random and unplanned. It was how they had ended up in this position, and it was fitting that none of this was planned. It was awkward at times, and seamless at others. Most of all, neither of them regretted it. Edward thought he might, but it was proof. She belonged to him, completely.

He could wait for the wedding, even if it took a hundred years. As long as those hundred years were spent like this, laying in the grass, soaking up the dew and rays of sun.

--

When Emmett and Rosalie came back to visit that week, Edward immediately wanted to hide. Alice would tell them, wouldn't she? Of course, the two of them were originally coming to celebrate the engagement, but the thoughts running through Emmett's head and the broad grin on his boyish face were too much for Edward. He hid in his closet while Bella greeted them.

"Bella, you look almost completely sane!" Emmett laughed, lifting her up in a constricting squeeze. She hugged him back almost as tight, but her strength had faded in those months. "Ah, the newborn blood's almost all gone. Damn, I was hoping we could wrestle later."

"I could still take you Emmett. I may have lost some of my strength but I can still match you." She turned to Rosalie next, who was beaming. They embraced lightly. Over the time Bella had spent in isolation, she and Rosalie ended up talking a lot on the phone. It was almost like marriage counseling, they were somehow able to work through whatever snags had been in their lives before then.

Then, out of nowhere, Alice pounced on Emmett. Just as quickly, she pulled away, frowning at him. "I hope you remembered a gift this time?" Emmett's laugh boomed through the whole house.

"For Edward and Bella's engagement, how could I forget?"

"I think he means how could _I_ forget? He nearly left the damn thing next to our bed. I had to pick it up as he was starting the car. Even though I was supposed to drive," Rosalie said, grinning.

"Speaking of Edward, where the hell are you hiding?" Emmett called.

"I think he's upstairs," Jasper said, his cool demeanor betrayed by his amused eyes. "He's absolutely terrified."

"Edward, come down here. I won't bite, I promise." From his hiding spot, Edward rolled his eyes. "I know you're up there. You smell terrible, by the way."

"If I come out, I don't want to hear it, okay?"

"Hear what?"

"About what you're thinking."

"Edward, half the time I haven't got an idea what the hell's going through my mind. Want to clue me in?" Emmett winked at Bella, causing Rosalie to smack him. "Ouch, Rose. Okay, fine, I won't talk about it. Now will you come greet your brother?"

"Honestly, you two boys need to grow up," Esme said, smiling uncontrollably.

He hated every step he took, knowing full well that Emmett was intending to go back on his promise. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he immediately saw Bella, who stared at her bare feet. She would never master the art of hiding her emotions, he could be sure of that.

"How's Alaska?" he asked coolly.

"Oh, great, you know." Emmett paused. "How's… things."

"Fine, Emmett," Edward growled. "I really don't need to hear it. I've gotten enough from Alice." Bella's faced would be beet red by now, but it maintained its pearly whiteness.

Rosalie jumped in, cutting off whatever Emmett was about to say next. Edward heard it, of course, but he was thankfully the only one. "Emmett and I haven't eaten in a while, so I hate to cut this so short, but I'm starved."

"You know how many men would kill to hear you say that?" Alice said playfully.

"Fortunately, yes. Anyway, we'll be back soon, and hopefully Emmett will be less talkative. For all our sakes." She added an extra glower to the last sentence, trying to veer him off the path down which he was headed. The two of them ducked out the back door quickly, leaving the rest of them in the awkward silence that only Emmett could create.

--

Edward loved the human moments. Laying under covers, with no light except from the moon pouring in through the single window, watching Bella as she watched him. These moments left him in stunned silence.

He wondered if he would always be in stunned silence around his fiancée, if it was a lasting effect.

She had him wrapped neatly in both her arms, holding him against her and breathing lightly on his hair. He never wanted any life except for this. There was guilt, there was shame. There was anger, frustration, confusion, passion. Without all these things, though, there would be no love. So he took them, the little imperfections, and put them all in context.

There was love, plain and simple. Love.

* * *

**A/N:** So here's what's up. I have to leave for Minneapolis at 11.00 this morning (it is currently 3.30). I am debating staying up until six, if not seven in the morning and being a zombie at the airport just to finish this story. If I don't, you will have to wait until Wednesday for Chapter Fifteen. There are two pieces of my sanity pulling at each other at the moment: the part the wants to sleep and the part that wants to be done.  
I'll start it and see where I end up. Just for you.


	15. Ghost

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of the characters or original story, but hopefully nobody will sue me on my last chapter.

* * *

**When The House Goes Up In Flames**

**Chapter Fifteen – Ghost**

The snow obscured the sky outside their window, creating one monolithic white flurry. It disgusted Bella. Maine was a nice place to live, but she wasn't getting used to the snowy winters any time soon. She thought global warming was supposed to take care of all of that snow business. The idea of snow everywhere - clinging to her hair, her eyelashes, her clothes, and worst of all, inside her boots - made her roll over and groan. She wished for sleep so that she might have some excuse not to get up and go out into that... that... torture.

Across the room, the door opened almost without a sound and shut in a swift motion, but not before throwing ungodly light over the bedroom floor. If she squeezed her eyes shut tight, he might forget that she could not actually sleep. Wishful thinking, really.

He rested his chin on the edge of the bed, a few inches away from her face. She absolutely, positively refused to open her eyes. Gripping her shoulder, he shook her - gently, of course - trying to illicit a response. "Wake up, sleepyhead."

"No, go away," she pouted, turning to press her face into the pillow.

"Not until you get out of bed. Then I will go away for as long as you like."

"Promise?"

"No." She could tell he was grinning that damn crooked smile of his, even with her eyes closed.

"You have to get up eventually."

"I'm going to live forever, remember? I can spend the rest of eternity however I want. And I don't want to get up. Therefore, I don't think I have to do anything eventually."

"You really want to spend all of time in a bed?" She didn't like the sly tone creeping into his voice. "I mean, I'd be happy to oblige, but I was particularly looking forward to today."

"Why? In case you haven't noticed, it's a wet, cold, fluffy, white hell out there and I don't feel like being damned to that today. I've already gone through high school how many times? I think it'll last a few days without me. The foundations won't crumble or anything." As she spoke, she felt his head lift off the edge of the bed and heard his feet dance around to the other side.

"I never said anything about school," he murmured as he crawled onto the bed behind her. "If you don't get up, you'll never get your surprise." He covered her arm with his and wrapped his fingers around her clenched fist on top of comforter. Without missing a single beat, he brushed her hair away from the nape of her neck and began a series of tentative kisses on each of her vertebrae. She really, really wished that he wasn't so intent on making her a productive member of society.

"I hate surprises," she said, trying to concentrate on proper words.

"You'll like this one." That voice he used should be illegal.

"You always say that, but it never happens."

"Now that's not true," he started as he reached up and twirled her necklace between two fingers. At the end of the chain she never took off, a small golden wedding band rested just above her still but living heart. It was her way of remembering their marriage while they posed as high schoolers. "Remember the photo album last year? You loved it. I wish I could show you the look on your face."

"Of course I loved it, but that was our anniversary. Even though I said - very clearly and several times, I might add - that I didn't want anything, I knew you would get me something. So it didn't really count as a surprise." Edward's fingers had moved their way from the chain at her neck to the dip of her clavicle, but Bella was not going to open her eyes. Nothing he said or did would sway her.

"Trust me, Bella, you will love this one. You just have to move." She kicked him. "Not like that. Step one, open eyes. Step two, remove covers. Step three, stand up. Step four, get dressed."

"No fun can come of that many steps." Unfortunately, though, she had opened her eyes unwittingly. He smiled and then pressed his lips gently against the back of her head.

"I'll see you downstairs."

--

Of course nobody would find a teenage couple sitting in an airport terminal on a school day bizarre. Not even if one of them had a prosthetic arm and the other wore more layers than anyone would even consider close to the realm of necessary. It made perfect sense to Bella. Nobody even looked twice at them.

A little further south, where the airport was, the snow hadn't even begun to hit yet. The sky was cloudy and grey - perfect vampire weather - but none of the flights going west were delayed or canceled yet. Inside, the building was toasty and even Bella began to feel a little bit warmer. "So, where are we going?"

"Like I said, it's a surprise. You're not supposed to know until we board."

"I could just go read the sign and figure it out."

"You could, but you won't," he said, smiling down at her. "I think that for once, you actually want to be surprised. Just maybe." She stuck her tongue out at him and turned back to look at the rest of the people in the terminal. A few seats away, an old woman was eying them, but as soon as Bella met her gaze, she looked away. So someone had noticed them: the bizarre couple. Edward smirked beside her and kissed her forehead lightly. "You may have noticed... we have an audience," he said in a voice only intended for Bella's ears.

"I'm sure we're very confusing to her. We're very confusing to me."

"Well, that's an entirely different story." His fingertips danced their way down her arm, tracing unable objects in the six layers of clothing she wore. "You know Bella, I'm not sure I'm a big fan of that coat. It's far too puffy. Barriers shouldn't be that puffy. In fact," he said as he lowered her lips to her ear, "I'd rather prefer you had no barriers at all."

"Edward Cullen, you are simply trying to distract me and I don't appreciate it," she replied, trying to sound incredulous. It came out more as a breathy whisper. "If you tell me where we're going I'll take off the coat."

"Woman knows how to bargain. Sadly, that doesn't tempt me nearly enough."

"I can think of a large number of things that I can pull out to tempt you, but here is neither the time nor the place."

"So eloquent today."

"Just tell me where we're going, it's not that difficult!"

"You'll find out soon enough." After that, Bella fell silent, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at the constant movement down the long terminal. Edward knew his wife well enough to know that this fit of pouting wouldn't last very long, and most likely it was a ruse to get him to cave. All these years later, she hadn't learned very many new tricks.

She didn't let up for almost twenty minutes. Realizing that she was perfectly capable of going for the rest of the trip without speaking to him, Edward was forced to weigh his options. Really, he was only holding out on her to be a nuisance - something that remained a pleasure well into their fifty years of marriage. Teasing her was so easy, sometimes he wondered how it ended up being so much fun. With a sigh, he finally said, "Fine, I'll tell you." Bella, however, didn't budge. She continued staring off into the distance, ignoring him. "I guess if you don't want to know, then..."

"No, no, tell me!" Springing suddenly to life, Bella had twisted in his grip to face him.

The real reason he hadn't told her yet was out of fear. Plain and simple. While it was true that she rarely liked surprises, he was sure she would appreciate this in the long run, even if it enraged her now. He was worried about her initial reaction - she might dash out of the airport before he could get a grip on her, she might start screaming at him about what the hell he was thinking. Anything. He had no idea of how to gauge her reaction.

"We're going... somewhere kind of... illegal..."

"What, Cuba?" Of course Bella would be completely oblivious. He would have laughed if he weren't so anxious. A few seconds passed, and he saw her face fall gradually. "No." Her response was curt, direct.

"Bella, hear me out on this." She shook her head, but didn't remove herself from the seat beside him. "You never got to say a proper good-bye. We'll fly into Seattle, and make a day trip out to Forks. For all we know, the wolves are gone by now." Her head continued to move. Back and forth, back and forth. Speed increasing bit by bit. "Fifty years, Bella. We'll be in town a few hours."

"You're breaking the treaty."

"Yes, but nobody will know."

"No. Edward, I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm not going." The resolve in her voice shook him.

"Why?" No response. "It can't just be because of the treaty." Still, though, she made no move to leave. "Bella, please, be rational."

"No, you be rational. Do remember what happened the last time the wolves thought we had broken the treaty? I nearly lost you, Edward. I don't want to go through that again." Her eyes scoured the depths of his, searching for something. "If there's any chance that the wolves are still alive, then there's a chance that us even being in Seattle will set them off. What's to stop them from hunting us down?"

"First of all, there are plenty of vampires in Seattle that the wolves never once did anything about. Second, there's the fact that they are completely rational people. Last time, Bella, you couldn't hear what was going on in their heads. There was a lot of turmoil and confusion in the tribe and especially among the pack. If things had been even the slightest bit less stressful for any of them, that war would never have been called. Third, even if there are still wolves in Forks, we can be gone and back before we even show up on their radar screen."

"Werewolves use radars?"

"I don't know. Some sort of scent-based echolocation or something equally as ridiculous- oh I don't know, they're dogs, okay?" Bella couldn't hide her smile - Edward so rarely got flustered, and even though the werewolves were a sensitive topic for him, she enjoyed seeing him in her shoes. He took a deep breath and refocused on her. "The point is, there is something I want you to see back home. I think it will do you a lot of good."

Bella did not say anything, but instead tucked her legs into her chest and let her body fall into Edward's lap. He took this as a concession.

--

What else would it be doing in Forks but raining when they arrived? The drops landed lightly on the roof of their car and the slushing sound beneath the tires got louder as they approached the town. Edward could drive perfectly well with the one hand, at least in an automatic car, and he didn't really trust Bella to drive. He would constantly wonder whether or not she would do a one-eighty and zoom off in the other direction. Sometimes he felt nauseous, thinking how unfair it was for him not to trust Bella - good relationships are supposed to be based on trust. That's what everyone always said. At the same time, Bella still didn't completely trust Edward either. He knew how nervous she got when they were apart, thinking that he might not come back. That made him even more sick.

He just closed his eyes and pushed that out of his mind. This wasn't about trust. He liked driving. That's all he needed to think. He liked to drive. It made him feel human. Just driving. No trust issues.

"Edward, look at the road, please," Bella whispered from the passenger seat. His eyes snapped open, but it was just to appease her. He could drive perfectly well with his eyes closed, and she knew it. He didn't blame her for being on edge - he still hadn't told her exactly where they were going.

The turn-off appeared just ahead in the drizzle; it was a small road that Edward had never taken before, even though he had driven by it countless times back when he called Forks home. Something about cemeteries made Edward incredibly uncomfortable - there was never any reason for him to be in one, it was part of the immortality deal. As the road changed from pavement to gravel, Edward slowed the car until it rolled to a perfect stop. The engine still purred beneath their seats and the rain still pattered on the roof over their heads, but those sounds seemed to be galaxies away. Edward opened the door and walked to the other side of the car to take Bella's hand as she got out. Time felt like it was getting sucked out of him and each movement took ages to complete.

He opened the door. He took her hand. She stepped onto the gravel. They walked. They walked.

Bella, like Edward, had never been here before, but she knew exactly where they were headed. The Forks cemetery was obviously not the most popular hang-out spot among the living or the undead. From where Edward had stopped the car, she could see the short stone wall encircling the cemetery and the tops of headstones peaking out in the rain. It hit her the second they came into view.

It was her final good-bye.

Once, she had truly wanted Edward to change her. She was willing to become like him, to spend all of eternity with him. It was all about him. The plan - the hope, really - was that she would get a proper farewell for her parents and friends before the change. But everything veered completely off course. She had been blind, really. So many things, pure human things, that she would never have - that she never thought she'd regret.

Edward knew that. Fifty years, he knew every aspect of humanity that she longed for; fifty years, he watched this shadow on his wife.

With their hands linked, the two of them found the graves. Charles Swan. He had died about ten years after Bella's disappearance. He did drink occasionally, and was in relatively good health. At least, his doctor thought so. One night, he fell asleep and just didn't wake up. Not that anybody knew it, but that night, he dreamed that Bella came home looking exactly the way she had when she disappeared. Except in his dream, she was bright-eyed and practically glowing - actually happy.

Right next to Charlie's headstone was Isabella Swan's. Born 1987, disappeared 2006. A simple marker, proof that she was once here.

Bella dropped Edward's hand in silence and knelt at the foot of her father's grave. The rain fell around them, plastering her hair to her forehead and darkening the stones a few feet ahead of her. It was just another day in Forks.

Edward stood behind her, enthralled. He had never visited his own grave marker - he wasn't even sure he had one. However, he never felt the need for closure in his own life. While he never chose this, and while he had a hard time accepting it at first, there wasn't much regret for the life he hadn't had a chance to lead. He was dying anyway - his mortal time drew to a close by the time Carlisle arrived. Eventually, he learned to live day by day. Nothing could be changed, and so he did nothing to change.

Until Bella.

A mere glance from her would set his soul on fire: something he knew, absolutely knew, that he had now. He may be a monster, but with Bella, he truly felt like a man. What more proof did he need?

Eventually the rain let up, leaving a musky smell in his nose and a fine mist hanging in the air. When the rain stopped, Bella stood and turned back to Edward. "Thank you," she said, taking his hand once more. A brief smile danced across her face, making her pure gold eyes twinkle and sending a shiver up Edward's spine. He returned the smile.

It was so easy to get lost in one another's gaze. Eyes matched eyes, skin matched skin. At first, waves of anger had taken Bella over, knowing where they were. Edward had no right to do this, especially considering that she had never wanted to come here. Once she laid eyes on the stones, though, she knew no proper repayment existed. Edward was right - she loved it. Though the image in front of her face tore at her heart, making it hard to breathe, she understood now that it was time to finally live. All this time, the two of them were consumed by the past when they had an entire future without pause to look forward to. The past had its wrongs and its confusion and its turmoil; the future probably would, too. Hadn't she once told him that she was ready to move forward, to spend forever fully with him? Fifty years and she was still stuck wondering.

Closure. That was the word. She could not describe the relief. So she simply thanked him, hoping it was enough. Then she was adrift in his eyes, losing all ties to the world around her.

The two turned away after a few very long minutes, heading back to the stalled car. The mist enveloped them, two pale creatures in the grey haze, leaving nothing but the faintest footprints in the wet grass. Soon, the cemetery was completely empty, and they were only whispers. Legends. Ghosts in the forest.

_The End._

_"when the house goes up in flames, no one emerges triumphantly from it."_

* * *

Thank you to everyone who has read this fic and made it completely worth it for me. I hope you enjoyed it (those of you who stuck around), and I really, really appreaciate all your feedback. Thank you!


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